Martina Navratilova
It’s the final and the remaining celebrities have to each take part in a Bushtucker Trial playing for a fully prepared three course meal for their last supper. Joe would be playing for the starter, George for main course and Martina was competing for dessert.
As Joe arrived for his Trial he said to Ant and Dec: ‘I’m really, really nervous about this.’ The presenters congratulated him on reaching the final and he said: ‘I can’t believe it, the only Brit in the final. I’m over the moon, I never thought I’d get this far.’
Told he would be competing for the starter he said: ‘I’m not a starter sort of guy. I’ve got to eat that stuff again and I hate it.’
Ant and Dec wondered why he thought he’d be eating bush tucker and then outlined his trial which was called Danger Down Under. ‘Beneath us lies a pit dug into the rainforest floor, you will step into it and lie on your back, the lid will be closed and you will be in complete darkness. For every two minutes you are able to remain down under, you will earn one star, as you know the Australian jungle is full of surprises and the nocturnal and subterranean life is abundant. Five stars earns you a fully prepared starter for three this evening plus a special beverage plus a special treat.
Joe took his socks off and put them down his trousers to protect Alfie. The pit was opened and Joe stepped in. ‘I’m not happy and I’m not prepared.’ Water was poured into his underground coffin. ‘It’s freezing you could have warmed it up. Oh man there is something on my feet.’ Joe was then joined by rats which ran over his face and body and by eels slithering around his sides. ‘Kids stay at school and get an education or you’ll end up doing things like this!’
Joe stayed the distance and said: ‘It was horrible,’ he declared at the end of it.
Next up was George who was competing for the main course plus treats and beverages. ‘We have a whole host of treats including some signature dishes as well as some interesting new delicacies on today’s Bushtucker deglutition menu. You will be presented with ten dishes, five of them are traditional bush tucker and five are an assortment of your favourite foods,’ said Dec.
The first dish was three live cockroaches or a lasagne. ‘I’m a gourmet so bring the roaches on,’ he said. Putting them into his mouth one by one George said: ‘They tasted quite savoury and delicious, think I prefer them to the lasagne!’
Second serving was two live locusts or Thai curry with rice, declining the curry George put a locust in his mouth and although he complained the legs refused to go down, he said: ‘That was crunchy.’
For another main course, George had to eat a Witchetty grub or burger and chips. ‘Joey would have loved that, can I take it back for him?’ He then picked up one of the wriggling grubs and bit its head off before consuming the rest of it. It squirted over his lips and into his mouth. ‘That was the vilest, when I saw the guts spill out, I thought dear god.'
Having won main courses for the celebrities, George then had the option of winning a beverage for them all but he had to eat a kangaroo penis or drink a glass of champagne.
‘In Argentina I had bull’s gonads which is supposed to be an aphrodisiac.’ Picking up the penis and removing it from the fur he said: ‘cute little thing isn’t it? Do I have to eat the whole thing or can I just eat the foreskin?’ Dec winced as he put it into his mouth and declared it was rubbery. ‘Why are you two laughing at me?’ he asked the cheeky pair. ‘This tastes like calamari!’ Ant said: ‘Next time I have calamari I’ll be thinking of that!’
For a special treat for the celebrities, George was offered but declined the opportunity to feast on a camel’s testicle. Coughing and spluttering he said: ‘The penis is rebelling or maybe it’s got an erection! I’ve done enough, I now feel quite full, I’ll pass on that last course or I wont eat lunch’.
Competing for desert, Martina found herself in a trial called Fill Your Face. Ant said to her: ‘On the Bush Stage are five containers filled with various creatures and a star. You will be placed in the face helmet and the contents of the containers will be added
Martina barely moved a muscle as fifty grasshoppers were poured over her head and face. 'Piece of cake so far,’ she said to Ant and Dec. She closed her eyes tight when hundreds of cockroaches and borrowing cockroaches joined her. The insects were going crazy inside her helmet crawling into her ears, nose and down her chest. Stick insects crawled over her followed by huntsman and orb spiders. The last container to win her the fifth star held two snakes which stirred up the cockroaches when put into her helmet.
She withstood all the critters and won the five stars for the final supper. Shaking herself off she jubilantly said to Ant and Dec: ‘I did it! They were biting me and they bit my nose and made me cry.’