No Strings Sex: Can You Handle It? December 17, 2007

 I have this male friend-Rob. We met randomly when he tried to sleaze on me in a bar and I laughed out loud at his lame ‘I’ve been watching you all night and your beautiful’ line. We’ve been friends ever since. Anyway he infuriates me at the best of times but last Friday he really did wind me up.

We were out having lunch and he was telling me about his date the night before:

“Absoultely stunning! She was like a fucking dream come true, seriously. Legs up to her armpits and a cracking set of twins,” he explained in his usual ‘gentlemanly’ manner.

“Great,” I said, “So you seeing her again?”

“No way! She didn’t put out. Sod that.”

I almost choked on my cheese panini. “You what?”

“She didn’t put out. I’m not gonna hang around waiting when there are plenty more girls out there who will give it up on the first night.” he said. I couldn’t believe my ears. Is this really the way men think? As a general rule I like to wait at least two dates before I sleep with a new man- Ok so there have been the occasional one night stands I’d rather forget but generally sex on the first date is a no go. Am I just being an old fashioned prude?

This is exactly what I asked my friend Maisy later that night as we sunk some pre-night out glasses of wine. “Rob is just a wanker,” was her response. Maisy had hated Rob ever since he failed to call her after a drunken fondle in the back of a cab. “Men like him are all talk.”she said. But I disagree. I’ve seen him take home many women when the club closes and I’m pretty sure they aren’t going back to his for coffee and this is usually confirmed by a graphic account of what he got up to the next time I see him. So why do some people think it’s OK to have sex with a virtual stranger? Is it low self-esteem as dowdy old sex ed teachers would have us believe or are they merely just enjoying their sexual freedom?

Take my friend Louise for example. She didn’t lose her virginity until she was 19- which was practically prehistoric on the estate where I grew up- anyway as the TV ad says ‘Once she popped she couldn’t stop.’ She obviously got a taste for it and after a year she had already slept with 30 different men. Now that might make you think she was a bit of a slag but it really didn’t come across like that. She didn’t just go home with first drunken idiot who came grinding up behind her on the dancefloor. She made them work for it. You see Louise is one of those women who just oozes confidence. She can sit at a bar on her own and attract the attention of the hottest guy in a club without even trying. She has this air of sexiness that makes men feel they ‘need’ to win her over and they will buy her drinks, hold her coat, pay for her taxis and probably even kiss her feet until she gives in and pays them some attention back.

Anyway- back to the point- after she lost her virginity she enjoyed years of hassle free, no strings sex and didn’t feel remotely bad about it. “I get the affection and the hot sex I need, they get to sleep with me…everyone’s a winner and no one gets hurt,” she said. Fair enough I guess but doesn’t sleeping around ruin your chances of finding that special someone? Well Louise is living proof that isn’t the case. She met the love of her life in a nightclub, went home with him that night and after months of ‘no strings’ fun decided she liked the strings and they have been together ever since. In fact she was the first one of our group to get married and no she’s got a baby on the way. So it’s not necessarily true that sex on the first night means that there is no future.

My theory is there are two types of people in this world…those who can do ‘no strings’ one night stands and those who simply can’t and never the twine should meet. It’s OK for the Rob and Louise’s of this world to hook up and fuck about to their heart’s content because no one is getting hurt. But if a Maisy and a Rob get it on someone is bound to end up feeling bad. This doesn’t mean that you are destined to belong to one group for your whole life. There are times-say after a break up, or long sex drought- when you may stray over to the other side and the ‘no-stringers’ are perfectly capable of falling in love and hopping over to the world of the ’string’ lovers. But as a general rule of thumb for the dating world it’s best to stick to your own kind if you want an easy, heartache-free life.