Big Brother 2009: Meet The Housemates

Is it that time of year already? Time to watch 16 totally mental housemates desperate for fame put themselves though all manner of mind boggling situations whilst being watched 24/7. It’s got to be time for Big Brother!

Entering it’s tenth year, I’ve just spent the past hour and half watching this years handful of reprobates walk straight into the most famous house in the UK – okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration… but for those of you who had better things to be doing with your Thursday night, here’s what you missed.

The House.

As usual, Davina gave us a guided tour of the house before the housemates got to go and check it out, and in the first twist of the series, we found out that they weren’t in fact fully fledged housemates, and had to first prove themselves! Woo! I’m excited.

One problem could be the lack of an actual house though, just a room, a garden and a couple of crates for them to sleep on until they prove themselves enough to be promoted to fully fledged housemates.

Freddie, 33,

First housemate in is posh boy Freddie, who went to Oxford. Obviously. He lives in a posh house somewhere in the countryside, complete with gardeners, tennis court and er, lightning generator. Calling himself a ‘young playboy’ who can’t live without Peter Andre, he obviously gets booed.

Lisa, 41, unemployed

Next up is Lisa, a openly gay punk rocker topped of with a shocking red moheican and decorated with all manner of tattoo’s and piercings. Now normally I’d like someone like Lisa, but when she starts banging on about how she likes to turn women gay, has an unusual love for rubber underwear and gets turned on by stilettos… I start to change my mind.

Sophie, 20, model

Sophie is the first token bimbo in the house… your typical blonde page three model, she is adopting the ‘dumb blonde pretending to be smart’ persona by claiming to be brainy whilst informing us that the capital of Uruguay, is U, before telling us she‘s a 30FF. Oh dear.

Kris, 24, Visual Merchandiser
A token female beauty wouldn’t be the same without a male counterpart would it, so here comes Kris, a bloke that works in All Saints, Manchester and I wonder why I haven’t noticed him before! Clearly loves himself though, claiming to be; “Better looking than I am knowledgeable.” and that; “Thin is in.” Clearly he’s not bothered about converting the housemates to anorexia.

Noirin

Here we go, a girl that thinks she’s beautiful, claims to be religious but goes to nightclubs, gets hammered and ‘forgets’ to put her knickers on. Looking at her, I find it pretty hard to believe she get’s hit on 50 times a night when she goes out… but oh well, she needed to put something on her application form to make up for her lack of personality.

Cairon, 18, student

Aww. This guy seems sweet, and 18 year old wannabe rapper / gangsta from the USA, who actually looks like a pretty nice bloke who loves to wear bright clothes, well, until he states, “‘I know I’m attractive.” But with the revelation that he’s attracted to big women, he scored points with me – not sure how it will go down with that ‘thin is in’ bloke though.

Andre, 35, Boxer

When I first clapped eyes on Angel I thought it was a man, in fact, I thought it was a bloke until about halfway though her VT when she was wearing some bra thing whilst in the boxing ring instead of being topless. Making the most painstakingly long and pointless entries into the house I’ve ever seen, she looks like a cross between Marylin Manson and that bird from the Eurythmics. Lisa’s obviously going to love her.

Karly, 21, unemployed

Karly is the second Barbie that enters the house, but this Barbie doll changes her hair colour when the mood takes her. Wow! Rating herself 10/10 for looks, she instantly pisses me off with her arrogance, and when she informs me that, “Men love me and I love a footballer, you know they have money.” that’s the final nail in the coffin for the wannbe WAG.

Marcus, 35, Window Fitter.

Marcus is my favourite so far, albeit the best of a bad bunch! Looking like a real-life Wolverine, it’s no surprise that he love all things superhero then… what’s more, he’s the most down to Earth housemate I’ve seen so far and claims to be a trend setter, not follower.

Beinazir

This girl, who bizarrely claims to look like Amy Winehouse falls at the first hurdle with the fact that she’s a curvy, Muslim, Pakistani rather than a anorexic, pale crackhead. Either way, she claims to look like ’a slag’ sometimes and then complains about men who think they’re a hunk, charmer and can have any pussy he wants… well surely dressing like a slag get’s you that kind of attention? Dumbass.

Sophia, 25, Private banking assistant

Sophia could be fun, her VT makes her look quite normal – and she even gets chance to point out that she hates wannabe WAG’s because she can’t understand why people would want to do something that doesn’t require any brain cells – (watch out Karly) however, the ‘normal’ façade comes crashing down and she screams her way into the house and actually looks like a five year old.

Rodrigo, 23, student

Another one that seems pretty normal (and pleasant to look at) is Rodrigo from Brazil who claims that coming to England is; “turning him gay.” but as he likes girls and boys there is hope for the rest of us still. He seems to be a lovely little chap.

Charlie, 23, Job Centre Assistant

When Charlie walked into the house the girls were all over him right away, little do they know that he’s gay… I found that out from his VT you know… there’s no doubt he’s another one chosen for his looks, but he does seems like a genuinely nice bloke who wants to be a popstar… brilliant! My early tip to win.

Saffia,

I was having a wee when her vital details came on so excuse that lack of information (or too much of it as the case may be) but as an ‘independent’ (not single) mum, she seems pretty grounded and alright at first glance.

Sree, 25, Studant Union President

Sree is heading up the ‘international’ housemate category after being plucked from India where he gets all his clothes chosen for him by his mum and dad. He can’t handle his beer and he has no experience with women, but his parents are shopping for a wife for him. Brilliant.

Saivash, 23, Event Organiser

Last in is Saivash. Oh.My.God, what a moron, he seems to think he’s th ehottes potato on the BBQ, but actually it’s just his head that’s being spit roasted in a very hot oven; which has clearly done something drastic to his eyes, because for some reason he thinks he’s very unique and good-looking and; “Everyone fancies me.” Yeah. Whatever mate.

Well, it’s begun, lets see how the tenth series of this ever-so-addictive show turns out.

Ruth. xx