Meeting someone’s parents or letting them meet yours is one of the biggest steps in the early stages of a relationship and I don’t know one person who enjoys it. But just why is it so scary?

It was after a conversation I had the other day that I started to wonder what the big deal is. My little sister Stacey was inviting her boyfriend round to meet my dad for the first time and she’d called me to an emergency lunch/ meeting to give her some advice.

My dad isn’t exactly Hitler but I wouldn’t say he is the softest of father’s either. He did chase one of my first boyfriends down the drive with a chain saw- but that was just unfortunate that he happened to be cutting the hedge when the poor sod attempted to knock on the door. It didn’t half give him a fright though. I was only 14 at the time and this guy was a few years older, drove a rather noisy car and happened to supply my older brother with cannabis so looking back I can see why he didn’t like me hanging around with him. However since those days he has calmed down and has learnt to accept that his precious little princesses do have boyfriends- although he’s yet to believe we have sex but we’re working on that!

Stacey is twenty and she’s just about to start her last year studying Law at Oxford Uni- yes she was the bright one of the family! Anyway she’s been seeing her boyfriend Nev for nearly a year but being away at uni meant she could hide him away from Dad- until now. But Nev is not like your typical student, lager lout lad. He’s from a very well to do family- Nev is short for Neville- he studies hard and absolutely adores Stacey. So where most guys of his age would be desperate to avoid meeting the parents Nev is actually really keen and has been bugging Stacey to take him home with her for months. I have no doubt that my Dad will approve of barrister-in-the-making Nev but Stacey is worried how Nev will cope with meeting Dad.

‘You know what Dad’s like!’ she moaned to me over lunch, ‘He thinks it’s funny to embarrass people and he’s going to have a field day with Nev.’

It was true. My Dad is a wind up merchant and will probably have poor Nev on the verge of tears within minutes but he only means it in jest and would hate to really upset someone. Things could be a lot worse and Stacy should think herself lucky.

My friend Joanna has got to be in the running for the prize of ‘worse parents to meet’. She comes from a very ‘proper’ Christian family who live in a small village in the Cheshire countryside, go to church every Sunday before coming home to a family dinner after which they sit round the table playng Trivial Pursuit all afternoon. Sounds very idyllic and traditional but in reality it drove Jo crazy!

So as soon as she hit 18 she moved away to uni in London, learnt to fend for herself, found a love of drinking and clubbing and has never looked back. When it comes to visiting the family back home Jo bravely gets out the wooly jumper her mum sent down for her birthday, leaves behind her killer heels and heads to Cheshire where everyone is clueless about her crazy city lifestyle.

One of the main problems Joanna has with her family’s strict morals is their strong opposition to sex outside of marriage. Having had two serious relationships and numerous flings during her time at uni Jo has well and truly thrown that family tradition out of the window- but still when she goes home she feels like she has to act like the Virgin Mary and pretend to her parents that she has no interest in boys whatsoever.

Last year when it was time for the obligatory Easter visit up North Jo was feeling sick at the thought of spending a week away from the London life she loved so much and also away from her latest love, Marc, who she had met just 5 weeks before but whom she had barely been apart from since.

‘I really don’t want to go,’ she moaned to Marc on a lazy Sunday morning in bed two days before she was due to leave. ‘It’s hell at the best of times but I’m really dreading it this time. I’m going to miss you so much.’

‘Then why don’t you let me come with you?’ suggested Marc.

‘You’d hate it. I would never subject you to that,’ replied Jo.

‘Seriously I would like to be there for you. How bad can it be?’ he said.

‘Really bad!’ laughed Jo.

Anyway after a bit of persuading Marc managed to get Jo to call her mum and arrange for him to come along under the disguise of a friend off her course who had nowhere to go for Easter. Jo didn’t want her parents to know he was her boyfriend because there would mean a whole load of pressure put on him to propose and make her honest woman and it was way too early for that!

Four days later and they were stuck in the middle of the Cheshire countryside pining for the traffic and fumes of the city. The country air was giving Jo a headache and the Trivial Pursuit was driving her crazy. Marc was being polite and pretending he was having a good time, remembering his p’s and q’s and even helping with the washing up but Jo could tell he was as fed up as she was. What’s more they were sleeping at different ends of the house with Jo’s parents room in between them so there wasn’t even a chance of any sex to fill the boredom- they were both so horny they couldn’t even look at eachother without getting turned on.

It was just after dinner and the family were settling down around the real log fire in the living room to watch the Antiques Roadshow.

‘That fire is going to die in a minute,’ said Jo’s mum. ‘We need more logs.’

‘I’ll go,’ said Jo, desperate to escape for five minutes.

She stood up and headed out to the back yard to raid the metal wood store for some more logs. She’d only been there two minutes when she felt familiar hands creeping round her waist.

‘Thought you might need a hand,’ whispered Marc, before spinning her round and kissing her hard on the lips.

‘I’ve been wanting to do that all day,’ he said as he pulled away and squeezed her tight in his arms, protecting her from the cold chill that was whipping across the surrounding fields. His arms felt so strong around her and Jo could feel herself getting wet at the thought of his muscley shoulders that lay beneath the soft fleece he was wearing.

‘I want you so bad,’ she told him, ‘This is killing me. I hate pretending to be little miss sweet and innocent when all I want is for you to give me a good hard fuck.’

Marc laughed at her frustration. ‘I find it quite a turn on actually. I’ve always been a sucker for that prissy virgin fantasy,’ he laughed.

Then he pulled her close and kissed her hard again. That was it. Jo had had enough. Before Marc had time to object she pulled at his jeans and unzipped them to release his hard throbbing cock. He lifted up the long floral skirt she was wearing and slipped his fingers inside her and felt how wet she was already. Without wasting any more time Marc picked Jo up and sat her down on top of the wood store. Pulling her lacy french knickers to one side he pushed hard inside her. Jo moaned, she had wanted to feel him inside her for so long. Marc reached round and grabbed Jo’s bum cheeks as he lifted her further onto his cock and rocked her back and to until they were frantically fucking against the cold metal of the wood store. It wasn’t long before they both came, Jo biting into Marc’s fleece to conceal her moans of pleasure from any eager ears inside the house. Then they quickly straightened themselves up, gathered a few logs and ran back into the house hoping no one would notice they had been gone longer than expected.

When they arrived back in the living room Jo’s Dad was sitting alone in front of the TV. ‘Where’s Mum?’ asked Jo, trying to cover up the fact she was a little out of breath.

‘She’s just nipped upstairs. She thought she heard a noise on the driveway so she’s gone to check the foxes haven’t got to the bins again,’ Dad explained.

‘Oh right,’ said Jo, before she realised you could barely see the driveway from the upstairs window.

‘Did I tell you we’ve been having problems with foxes?’ asked Dad,’They are a bleeding nuisance. Getting in the bins and making a mess. I’ve had to install one of those CCTV systems around the whole of the outside of the house,’ he continued.

It was a few seconds before the reality of what her father had just said dawned on Jo but by the time she looked over at Marc she could tell by the paleness of his face that he had also realised what her mother might have just witnessed.

Jo’s mum never actually confronted her about what she and Marc got up to on the wood store but from the way she went to bed early with migraine and the way she slammed the eggs down on the table the next day Jo knew that her mother was pretty sure her precious daughter was no longer a virgin.

After my sister Stacey had heard this story I could see her making a mental note not to have sex whilst Nev was visiting next week but in reality most parents know their grown up offspring are enjoying sex. In fact they should be proud that we are a generation of young people who aren’t afraid of sex and know how to enjoy our bodies without feeling shame- except for when it comes to getting caught in the act by our mum’s that is.

Although Marc didn’t go back and visit Jo’s family for a while the two of them are actually married now. They run a successful events organising business, live happily together in a nice new house and are expecting their first child in a few months. Jo’s mum still hasn’t mentioned what she did or didn’t see that night but even to this day Marc and Jo refrain from any sort of sexual contact while any parents are within a 1 mile radius- just to be safe!

The whole meeting the parents scenario can be a little bit daunting and with all kinds of horror stories flying around it can seem like a disaster waiting to happen. However it needn’t be so bad. As long as you remember one simple word- respect. Our parents might seem like an embarrassment and your boyfriend’s mum may seem like an ogre but let’s not forget we came from them. They brought us up and helped shaped us into the people we are. Their house rules might seem too strict to you and the family traditions they have could seem outdated and embarrassing but would it really hurt to respect them for just a few days?

If someone loves you enough to want to take that brave step of getting acquainted with the folks then you should feel proud. In most cases parents are actually glad when their son or daughter’s new lover wants to come and introduce themselves. If we turn the tables parents are probably just a nervous and keen to make a good impression too.

My advice to Stacey was just relax, be yourself and trust that Dad and Nev, as the men who care most about her in the whole world, will do her proud and make every effort to get along.