Tag Archives: dating

Men Are So…. Oblivious To Our Insecurities

Following on from my last blog post, I am happy to report that once again things are all well and good in the Memphis love situation, but with the way I moaned on (and on) I thought it would only be fitting to address the problems so many women have with insecurities.

It’s true that when we meet someone we care about so much it hurts, that it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that every girl in town wants to get their claws into your man, and you find yourself on the defensive and reading into things so much.

The main problem facing women today is, of course, Facebook. It’s the cause of the demise of so many relationships these days, as you see a basic interaction between your partner and someone you deem to be attractive, and you jump to the conclusion that they’ve once slept together / want to sleep together / are sleeping together right now and that’s why he’s not on Facebook chat. But of course, for the most part, we’re utterly berserk.

There’s no denying that everyone has a jealous streak, but whilst most people’s are something akin to the rind on bacon… I’m your full scale streaky bacon dedicated to making pigs in blankets crisp to perfection. As wonderful as I am, I find that I get jealous over the smallest of things and leap to a conclusion without even taking the time out to rationalise.

It doesn’t help either that men seem to find it difficult to know how to reassure us; the smallest thing like a heartfelt note, or a girlfriend-related Facebook update, or even just a phone call can immediately dispel all worries that were flying around below your ribcage.

So how can we sort it out ladies? Well, I think in the first instance we need to remember that not every man on the planet is a cheat. Okay, so it doesn’t help when OK! Magazine is full of loverats, but we can’t tar all the men with the same brush. It’s hard to accept that someone can accept you the way you are, and its even harder to leave your heart and your feelings in the hands of someone else, but could it be worth it?

Each time I feel like running for the hills over the slightest thing, I have heard a good ting to do is remember why YOU are with this person, and if you’d ever do something to ruin what you have. Theoretically, that should be all the reassurance you need, but guys… the odd kind word doesn’t go amiss either. Nor do diamonds.

Memphis.x

1 Reply

Men Are So… Facebook Ignorant

Hello ladies, how’s the Christmas shopping going? I bought a little black dress in the sale a few months ago in the hope of wowing everyone at the Christmas Party. I have also drank rather a lot of wine and eaten lots of cheese and crackers recently, I don’t even think my Spanx can help me now…

Anyway, moving on, this weeks blog comes courtesy of the dreaded relationship tool that is Facebook.com. I mean, seriously, how many relationships break up because of Facebook hey?

So, to tell you how Facebook has ruined my life this week… I’ll begin with the news that I HAD met a rather nice guy, he seemed to like me for me (which is no mean feat) and I was really starting to wonder if this could be a good relationship?

Sadly, I was wrong, well, maybe I wasn’t wrong, but I succumbed to the torment of his Facebook wall and ended up going rather mental for a period of about 24 hours. Now this is not the Memphis you all know here, this is my vulnerable side, and it’s not pretty.

So, the story, you all know I’m not thin, I’m not tanned, I don’t have masses of hair flowing down my back… I’m a size 12 with legs that you cant see through at the top, I’m pretty certain to have bingo wings and when I don’t stick my neck out, I have a double chin. These are all flaws that no one else can seem to see, but I think they’re just being nice… anyway, on Tuesday, up pops little miss long hair, stick thin dirty bird, asking the guy who’s supposed to be dating me, to drive a hour to go visit her.

Right, that should be too bad should it? But knowing they’ve already done the deed, she’s quite clearly easier to do than ‘My First Jigsaw’ and that he couldn’t help flirting back, I just flipped.

This is the bad thing about me girls, I don’t trust people, and if anything is untoward, I just lost my temper and walk away… however, he’s since bombarded me with text, and, she’s even Facebooked apologising and saying she’d love to be my friend, and oh my, you’ll love this, she said “If it helps, I used to be a lesbian.”

No love, that doesn’t help does it, you weren’t a lesbian when you were trolling all over him were you? And you’re not a lesbian now, clearly. I haven’t emailed back. Obviously.

The thing is, that was a year ago, should it really upset me this much? I don’t go driving all over the UK to hang out with people I’ve slept with, never mind when I’m just starting to date someone new… but at the same time, am I overreacting? There’s no denying that in a relationship I will not stand for my man hanging out with girls who take it upon themselves to fawn all over him in front of the entire world, knowing that he’s (supposedly) unavailable. There is no compromise on that, I deserve at least some respect here.

So girls (and guys) what do I do? Is Facebook the root of all evil, or should I be worried that my man is planning to drive a hour to see some bird he was probably bedding this time last year?

Memphis. x

2 Replies

Men Are So… Confusing

Now that Paul was history (again) I could concentrate on getting my book back out and trying to repair the prospective relationship I threw away by giving the compete tosser a second chance.

Anyone who knows me is well aware that the types of men who interest me tend to have longish brown hair, be quite thin, dress like a rocker and either be covered in tattoos or spend their weekends living it up as racing driver. Somehow I’d met this guy (although he didn’t have any tattoos and was currently taking a break from racing) and threw it all away to go back down the ex route EVEN though I’d gone a little bit mental when he just went for a drink with his ex. I know, I know.

In fact, ‘thrown it away’ might be a bit of an exaggeration really, because I managed to do that within about half a hour of our first meeting. We’d been introduced by a mutual friend and had gotten to know each other over the phone, Facebook and MSN more than actual real-life (gotta love the kids of today) and we really got on.

I’d go as far as to say that I thought this guy was too good to be true. Turns out I was right. Whilst we bounced off each other so well when we weren’t face-to-face, meeting up was just a massive awkwardfest. First of all, he was texting pretty much all the time we were together, which I found massively insulting, and as I jested by saying “setting up your next date are you?” it turned out he found that massively insulting too. Oh dear.

Not only that, but when he did compliment me I (stupidly) responded with ‘I bet you say that to all the ladies’ due to my moronic disability to accept compliments from hot guys. Oh yes, I forgot to tell you about that bit, he was UNBELIEVABLY hot to look at, but unfortunately he couldn’t transfer his cyber-charisma into real-life.

After admitting that the ‘connection’ just wasn’t there we kind of drifted apart for a while, and when I shacked up with Mr Ignore-it-all and I was pretty sure it was curtains with this dreamboat. Now I find out he’s going to be in my area in a few days and I know I’m going to be bumping into him and I really don’t know what to do….

Since ringing him up after a bottle of wine and in floods of tears over Paul-gate and trying to understand what went wrong on our date I thought we’d finally gotten somewhere – we’ve been texting every so often and ‘liking’ things on each others Facebook… but now it feels as though I’m the only one making any effort, and I’m REALLY not a fan of that (even though I think the world of him) it’s just too much like hard work.

I’ve scoured the ‘Sassy Guide’ and I just cant seem to find any pointers, so ladies, it’s up to you. Help!

1 Reply

Men Are So… Hard To Let Go Of (& Spineless)

Since my last blog I’ve had a rather interesting time of it…. Allow me to explain.

I have pretty much been single since my ex and I broke up in August 2008. Now, he wasn’t the first ‘long’ relationship I’ve had – and by ‘long’ I shamefully mean over 12 months – but he is the first guy I can say I really did love. For the sake of argument, let’s call him Paul.

We broke up after about two and a half years together and over the two years we’ve been apart, I have always compared everyone I ever met to him, with one of my dates once saying; “If Paul asked for you back tomorrow I know you’d jump into his arms.” Now, on the third date this isn’t exactly what you want to hear from a guy, but it is hard when you still find yourself talking about your ex to anyone who’ll listen.

I wasn’t by any means still in love with him, nor was I craving for him back, but for some reason he was still there, in the back of my mind, nagging at me to give it one last shot, to see if we were right to end it.

The weird thing was, Paul had been feeling the same as me (and I knew it). We’d met up for a drink once or twice and gone for days out a couple of times and would always end the ‘date’ with a kiss and a promise to try and sort things out between us. The only problem was, we never would. Although we both wanted it to work, neither of us made the effort to call and arrange a second date, and so things went back to how they always were.

Until now.

After moving into my swish new pad, I decided it was about time I had a housewarming BBQ when I knew my housemates would be out. I invited a few friends (and Paul) over and we had a bite to eat and rather a lot of wine, and once again, Paul and I decided to make a go of things, although this time we actually did make a go of things.

A week later we went to a gig together and then spent a rather nice evening snuggling up and making up for lost time. It was perfect and I found myself wondering what on earth we’d been thinking splitting up all those years ago – in actual fact the relationship had come to an end through my insecurities and his lack of motivation to go out and get the job he had always dreamed of – but now I had lost two stone and was feeling fabulous whilst he had taken steps to get the job he desired.

Everything was going swimmingly at long last… we were talking on the phone, BBM’ing pretty much every hour that we weren’t together and we even changed our Facebook to say ‘In a relationship’ with each other – I mean, it’s not official until it says so on Facebook these days – I was certain things were going to be just fine. Until all of a sudden it just stopped dead. Just like that.

There was no argument, no slight disagreement and nothing that could rationally explain why he suddenly decided to stop talking to me, but that was just it, radio silence. Every time I BBM’d him he would read it and not bother to reply, of the four times I tried to call him over the space of a week) he wouldn’t pick up NOR return my call.

I was heartbroken. Girls, you know how it is when you are so unbelievably infatuated with someone that even though everyone is telling you to kick him to the curb, and you know he’s no good for you, you just can’t let him go? Well that was me, I wanted to be strong (hell I wanted to rip his testicles off) but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to lose him again.

This went on for a week, with me drinking bottles of wine and crying myself to sleep at night until one morning I woke up and thought “Fuck this” and decided he had one hour to return my (obviously) missed call or it was over.

60 painful minutes later and I didn’t bother to try and arrange a date to ‘talk’ nor did I text / BBM / voicemail him about the demise of our relationship. I just changed my Facebook status to ‘single’ (like the mature adult I am) and that was it. Over. History. Goodbye.

I know you might think that’s childish, but I think ignoring me for an entire week is childish. Why not have the balls to tell me if you don’t want to be with me anymore? What a shame that self motivation didn’t extend to a bit of guts when it came to your personal life eh? Needless to say he’s gone from every possible way of contacting me… and never again will I shed a tear over him, but at least I know the man I thought I couldn’t get over has been gotten over… shame it wasn’t walked over with nail-soled platform shoes.

Memphis.x

2 Replies

Men Are So… Arrogant

Unfortunately for us there isn’t always a legitimate reason to talk to a fit guy, so it often helps to create one, without letting on to him that you’ve just made up a reason to be near to him…

For example if you’re in a bar and fit guy is by the bar, why not go get a straw, napkin, another drink or even take the long way round to the loo so that he has no choice but to notice your gorgeous self sashaying around the place?

When you’re there catch his eye and ask his opinion on something, maybe “are there any good places around here that stay open later?” and after he gives you a list of a couple, pick one that sounds great and say you and your girlfriends will check it out… fingers crossed he’ll invite you to join him and his mates, or he’ll show up there and the first girl he’ll be looking for is your good self.

Obviously we don’t all spend out time in bars with our friends though, so you could always apply this somewhere like your uni lecture… if you spot fit guy a couple of rows in front, time your exit of the lecture to coincide with his, then casually ask what he thought of the topic, and maybe follow it up with asking for a bit of information you just happened to ‘miss’.

When I was at uni I used to spend hours just staring at the back of my crush’s head,  and on the rare occasion that I had to talk to him I just got all muddled and my hands got dead sweaty and I just made a total idiot of myself. The problem with me is that I have very little self confidence when it comes to talking to guys. I know I’ve lost two stone, but I’m still in the mindset of being that ‘fat funny girl’, you know, the one everyone wants to be friends with but no one wants to date?

So when the most beautiful guy I had ever seen came over to chat to me the other week, I was shocked that a fit guy was actually talking to me… said fit guy headed over with a look of puzzlement in his eyes so I asked if he had a question that he needed answering – this wasn’t me being flirty by the way, this was a genuine question – to which he replied; “No, but I can think of one if you like.”

Right. Now what was I supposed to say to that? Was this his way of flirting, or was the arrogant tone of his voice him just being a complete and utter pri*k? Turns out it was the latter; but I didn’t work this out until later.

I just about managed to say; “Erm, okay.” Before hnd he asked me if I thought we were going to have rain at some point during the next three house (odd, I know) but I took it as the his attempt at some kind of neutral conversation, and we chatted about the weather things for a little while before he wandered off.

Over the course of the afternoon I watched him faff about as he wandered in and out of my general proximity, and we exchanged a few more “hello’s” as I strolled up and down. As I predicted correctly, it did bucket it down later that day so I looked around for said boy to boast about my weather reading skills, but he was nowhere to be found. I was going to go for a little walk to find him and slip him my number, but I thought that would make me look a little bit like a tart.

That drive home was the hardest I’d ever done, I knew from reading this book that I shouldn’t have let him slip through my fingers like that, but I could hardly go charging all over town looking for him, could I? Dammit, that’s another one gone!

Memphis.x

Leave a reply

Men Are So… Good At Playing It Cool

Now we get down to the nitty gritty dating advice… as I’ve found out where I’ve been going wrong, it’s time to learn about how we should be meeting guys, how we approach them in a ‘neutral’ manner which makes him think we were just wanting to speak to him to ‘get’ something, but then decided to keep chatting to him because he was so good at helping us with our problem.

The only thing is, it sounds as though acting like we’re not interested is the most effective way in bagging our fit guy. I know this sounds about as useful as someone telling you’ it’ll get easier’ when you boyfriend dumps you the day before valentines day, but I’m going with it for now.

If we don’t want to scare a prospective date off, it seems as though we can either strike up the conversation with a need for information such as asking for the time or directions or by having a shared experience.

Need for information is an easy thing to grasp, so ill give you an example of when I put the ‘shared experience’ approach into practice. Brace yourself, it’s cringe worthy.

I spent last weekend strolling around a bike show, and as my ‘fit guy radar’ is always on, it didn’t take long before I spotted the hottest motorbike rider I have seen (this year) walking around with his leathers tied around his waist looking like an actual GOD.

I was too terrified to talk to him at 7am – as I still looked a bit like a zombie and had already drunk two cups of coffee so my breath probably smelt worse than my old maths teacher – but by lunchtime I’d popped in some gum and was ready to strike! It didn’t take me long to ‘bump’ into him, and as I walked towards his garage he flashed me a smile that made my entire face turn as red as a letter box and me suddenly want to vomit all over the floor. I pushed on though, a bit of sick isn’t going to stop me chatting to this hunk.

Luckily he’d won the race which meant I opened with the brilliant compliment of “Good ride this morning, well done on your win, did you enjoy it?” casual and complimentary, tick! He then told me a bit about the race and as if by magic we were pretty much just chatting normally.

Suddenly it was time for the afternoons entertainment to start so I had to leave him, but alas, I’d not gotten any of his personal information so had no way to contact him and set up some hot date or anything. He didn’t even know my full name, there was no way he was going to find me on Facebook…. Was there?

Oh yes there was! The next day I had a friend request from said boy. God knows how he’d found me, but he had, and I took this as a real sign that he was interested and a date was on the cards. That was until I found out he was only 18. An amazing five years younger than me. That’s that then.

So ladies, a mutual experience is a great way to start talking to fit guy, but please make sure he’s old enough before you start picking out your wedding dress, however, a sneaky tongue sandwich never hurt anyone…

Memphis. xx

1 Reply

Men Are So…. Immature

After discovering that my High School attempts at courting had failed me miserably, I was happy to read that Samantha seems to have just as many problems in picking up guys as me.

By the time Lee had finished his GSCE’s and left school, I had moved up into year 11 and  thought it was about time to set my sights on someone a little more accessible. I met Rob during a school play, I was in a bit of a ‘emo’ phase at that point and he had long hair and played guitar so I thought he would do for me.

The only problem was that I was in year 11 and he was two years younger. Which pretty much signed my death warrant when it came to my social standing at school. Not that I was ever very ‘cool’ – I didn’t hitch my skirt up around my waist or parade around with my shirt half open and my bra filled with toilet roll, but perhaps that was a good thing as (unlike them) I’m not pregnant with my third child and living off benefits either.

My first ever ‘relationship’ lasted about a year, which I reckon is good for a 16 year old girl, but soon my college life meant I wanted to try and go out on the town with my friends (despite being underage) whilst Rob just wanted to hang out with his mates playing guitar and watching cartoons.

In the book, Sam talks about a bar being a great place to meet a guy, but warns that marching up to the first hottie you see and asking to buy him a drink might not be the best plan of action in the world. For me though, it worked. I spotted a lad from my school (I hadn’t noticed his hotness back when I was obsessing over Lee) and sauntered over for a little catch up. When it turned out he couldn’t get served at the bar, I confidently marched over to the barman, hoiked my bra straps up a little and landed us two pints of cider.

Quite why Chris wanted to date me after I drank a pint of cider is anyone’s guess, but it seemed to do the trick and I’d picked up my first guy in a bar. So ladies, if you see a hottie in the pub, why not try asking him if you can buy him a drink? Obviously don’t try it on a seventeen year old boy though, or there could be serious repercussions.

Memphis.xx

1 Reply

Men Are So… High School

So, I’ve had The Sassy Guide To Picking Up Fit Guys for a couple of days now, and after eating fish and chips for tea I thought it was about time I stopped faffing about and got my ass into gear if I wanted a hot date.

So with brew in hand and my feet up I decided it was time to make a serious go of it.

The first chapter of the book is all about ‘How NOT to pick up your fit guy’ and if I’m honest, you could have changed the names around and you would have been reading about my adolescent years.

As Sam talks about a lad called Ryan Masters, her high school crush and first ever public rejection, it reminds me of the lad I used to obsess over for the final two years of high school. We’ve all had it haven’t we? That guy we used to dream about during our boring Science lessons, who used to make our heart skip when he passed us in the corridor on the way to Maths and most excitingly (as if it was fate) he had P.E outside the French classroom windows which meant a whole hour of watching in run around in shorts. Heaven.

The only problem with my crush was he didn’t know I existed, so when I proceeded to tell the school gossips about my crush I really hoped he’d see me across the playground, fall head over heels in love with me and we’d live happily ever after. There was only one problem with that… Lee didn’t seem to quite have the same great stonking crush on me that I had developed on him. Which obviously made me all the more determined to win him over.

After a couple of months, I pretty much knew his lesson timetable and had a general idea of when and where we’d be passing each other around the campus – hence when I REALLY needed to check my make up and have my boy-dazzling smile at the ready. I was CONVINCED that one day he’d fall for me, I had it all planned out in my head – as I walked down the Science block steps and he ascended into heaven, he’d sweep me up into his arms and confess his love for me in front of the whole of Year 10 & 11. I knew it would happen, I just think I must have been off sick on the day he had planned to do it, and then he chickened out afterwards.

Luckily for me, I never faced the same level of public rejection as the author of The Sassy Guide… but it’s still just as cringe-worthy now to know how I’d been acting like a totally mental stalker for two years of my life. Yet the weird thing is, a few years later I ended up bumping into Lee again and we had a little bit of a kiss and cuddle, but oddly, I just didn’t fancy him anymore. What is it with us girls eh? We obsess about a guy for two WHOLE years, and then he finally wants us and we’re like, ‘No thanks.’

Crazy!

Memphis.xx

1 Reply

Men Are So… Hard To Find

It’s been a while since I has even a sniff of a decent guy (almost two years in fact) and over the past few months I’ve been quite vocal in my moaning – sadly not THAT kind of moaning – of the lack of fit guys hanging around town.

Oddly, a few days ago I found a copy of “The Sassy Guide To Picking Up Fit Guys” waiting for me on my desk and into my head popped an idea… if I can’t find a guy in the way that I reckon you should be able to, why not have a read of this little book and bag myself a hottie?The sassy guide to picking up fit guys

So, here it goes, to begin with I’d better tell you a bit about my situation I guess…. In my early twenties, I would hardly call myself a ‘munter’ but to be totally honest I wouldn’t call myself the everyday man’s Kelly Brook either. I mean, we’d all like to lose a few lbs here and there, but a packet of Doritos and a glass of wine is often far more tempting than a session at the gym after a hard day at work. Right?

Anyway, I’ve been single since 2008 when I came out of what you might call a long-term relationship. Sadly the prospect of longevity had meant I’d let myself go a little bit and put on quite a bit of weight. In the months that followed I slowly shed the weight (and more) and seemed to start attracting the attentions of guys once again. The only problem was, none of these were remotely ‘fit’ or interesting. Well apart from one, but be ended things over the phone after just a fortnight, so I think I need help.

This is where the book comes into play. I think it’s about time us ladies stop sitting at home watching Wife Swap and get out there and bag that fit guy! Hopefully Samantha Schofield is going to give me all the ammo I need to find my prince, if not there will be trouble.

Follow my blog as I work my way through the book sharing my experiences whether they be good, bad or downright shameful.

Memphis.x

1 Reply

Ed Westwick Is Single! *SCREAM!*

OMG! So yesterday I broke up with the bloke that hadn’t spoken to me for a week, and this morning I wake pu to find that Ed Westwick is single again? Correct me if I’m wrong but I think that’s a sign.

[picappgallerysingle id="9536953"]

So, the Gossip Girl super hunk is s-i-n-g-l-e and ready to mingle after telling Closer magazine; “I’m single! My English accent drives American girls crazy, but I haven’t got time for romance. I’ve always been secretly in love with Rachel Weisz, but sadly she’s taken.”

Rachel Weisz? Forget her Ed, you need a much more down to earth gal, and I’m more than happy to pull on a brown wig for you…

Ruth.xx

1 Reply