I have pretty much been single since my ex and I broke up in August 2008. Now, he wasn’t the first ‘long’ relationship I’ve had – and by ‘long’ I shamefully mean over 12 months – but he is the first guy I can say I really did love. For the sake of argument, let’s call him Paul.

We broke up after about two and a half years together and over the two years we’ve been apart, I have always compared everyone I ever met to him, with one of my dates once saying; “If Paul asked for you back tomorrow I know you’d jump into his arms.” Now, on the third date this isn’t exactly what you want to hear from a guy, but it is hard when you still find yourself talking about your ex to anyone who’ll listen.

I wasn’t by any means still in love with him, nor was I craving for him back, but for some reason he was still there, in the back of my mind, nagging at me to give it one last shot, to see if we were right to end it.

The weird thing was, Paul had been feeling the same as me (and I knew it). We’d met up for a drink once or twice and gone for days out a couple of times and would always end the ‘date’ with a kiss and a promise to try and sort things out between us. The only problem was, we never would. Although we both wanted it to work, neither of us made the effort to call and arrange a second date, and so things went back to how they always were.

Until now.

After moving into my swish new pad, I decided it was about time I had a housewarming BBQ when I knew my housemates would be out. I invited a few friends (and Paul) over and we had a bite to eat and rather a lot of wine, and once again, Paul and I decided to make a go of things, although this time we actually did make a go of things.

A week later we went to a gig together and then spent a rather nice evening snuggling up and making up for lost time. It was perfect and I found myself wondering what on earth we’d been thinking splitting up all those years ago – in actual fact the relationship had come to an end through my insecurities and his lack of motivation to go out and get the job he had always dreamed of – but now I had lost two stone and was feeling fabulous whilst he had taken steps to get the job he desired.

Everything was going swimmingly at long last… we were talking on the phone, BBM’ing pretty much every hour that we weren’t together and we even changed our Facebook to say ‘In a relationship’ with each other – I mean, it’s not official until it says so on Facebook these days – I was certain things were going to be just fine. Until all of a sudden it just stopped dead. Just like that.

There was no argument, no slight disagreement and nothing that could rationally explain why he suddenly decided to stop talking to me, but that was just it, radio silence. Every time I BBM’d him he would read it and not bother to reply, of the four times I tried to call him over the space of a week) he wouldn’t pick up NOR return my call.

I was heartbroken. Girls, you know how it is when you are so unbelievably infatuated with someone that even though everyone is telling you to kick him to the curb, and you know he’s no good for you, you just can’t let him go? Well that was me, I wanted to be strong (hell I wanted to rip his testicles off) but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to lose him again.

This went on for a week, with me drinking bottles of wine and crying myself to sleep at night until one morning I woke up and thought “Fuck this” and decided he had one hour to return my (obviously) missed call or it was over.

60 painful minutes later and I didn’t bother to try and arrange a date to ‘talk’ nor did I text / BBM / voicemail him about the demise of our relationship. I just changed my Facebook status to ‘single’ (like the mature adult I am) and that was it. Over. History. Goodbye.

I know you might think that’s childish, but I think ignoring me for an entire week is childish. Why not have the balls to tell me if you don’t want to be with me anymore? What a shame that self motivation didn’t extend to a bit of guts when it came to your personal life eh? Needless to say he’s gone from every possible way of contacting me… and never again will I shed a tear over him, but at least I know the man I thought I couldn’t get over has been gotten over… shame it wasn’t walked over with nail-soled platform shoes.

Memphis.x