Tag Archives: MEN

Bad Day – My Bad Day

daily-disMy Bad Day

Louise

I often hear people complain that I never have a bad day said in a manner that almost seems to be wishing a bad day upon me. In response I think that it sucks that this is being wished on me. There are others who misread what I say thinking I’ having bad days when really, it’s just what happens when the sarcasm is lost in translation.

So let me share my bad day. It started with a mechanic/part time dancer who has been trying to date me. Our paths have crossed regularly including this particular morning. As things stood the relationship was, I wasn’t disinterested, but I wasn’t interested, so we were treading the line where numbers had been exchanged but I wasn’t acting on it. I don’t date. There at least half the problem stood, add the fact I tend to ignore my phone, which only serves to further complicate the condition. But the other half of the problem became clear when I walked back to my car and spotted a red rose on the windshield.

Innocent maybe, that is until I walk around to the boot to collect my laptop there was another token of his mechanical affection. The thin brake light strip that runs above the handle had been removed. For a moment I freaked out, thinking someone had broken into my car (the lock was exposed and my laptop is my most precious essential), but a closer look showed nothing had been tampered with. There wasn’t a scratch on the car, but light had been removed with the infinite care, you could almost say with love.

The last time something like this had happened was with also with a mechanic and a spirited away an easy replaced missing part of my Beetle. I was 18, it was my first car and I loved that Beetle.

The disappearance of a part at the perfect time as next thing you know that mechanic had me in his shop making a hero of him. He just happened to have the exact part in stock, for the beat up old VW a make and model his shop didn’t specialise in. It looked used, like the one I was missing, actually. I may have been so overcome with his masculinity that I dated him.

This time the mechanic in question ha been telling me how great he is at working on Beemer’s for weeks (oh by the way I own a BMW). If I ever need help with my car, he ’d said as he handed me his number, I’ just a phone call away.

He kept texting to make sure I got that rose all day. so I finally responded that if the rose had been the only surprise on my car this may have gone differently.

After that he stopped texting, not even to pretend to not know what I was talking about.The stripping-my-car-because-you-can’t-fix-my-real-problems stunt just doesn’t work on me (anymore).

So I charged into Starbucks, feeling angry and violated, worried about rain running into my boot. I was upset so I ordered coffee, and a cookie, and plugged the computer in. The Starbucks lady offered to heat the cookie and it warmed my heart.

Then she placed it up on the bar for me and a shifty looking bloke tried to steal my cookie.

It was time to get out of this area. My horse is stabled a sixty minute drive from where I was so time for a little relaxation so I called my sister to see if she was free for a drive and ride. I collected my sister and her friend and we drove, with me bleating on for twenty five minutes of the thirty minute drive, and I added the cookie thief in the mix.

Now I knew it was a bad day – It started raining, which made the other drivers slow down. I got stuck between a line of trucks then sped up when I caught a window. 70 -80 – 90 miles per hour.

At last the M6 to Lancaster is three lanes each direction on perfectly landscape less land running in a perfectly rigid line. The conversation started to lifted my mood by retelling stories of past road trips. My sister and I talked about how she’s bad luck, and how I only get speeding tickets when she’s in the backseat, and how it’s been five years since I let her in the back seat because the last time I got two tickets two days in a row, and it’s been smooth sailing ever since I rid myself of my cursed passenger.

This conversation happened, of course, as I sped past a traffic cop parked in a run off at over 70 mph more likely 100 mph.

And it had, of course, never occurred to us to maybe not jinx ourselves by talking about it, or at least put her to the front seat.

Any way the long and short of it is I got a speeding ticket. He didn’t even ask first if I knew why I got pulled over. We all knew why I got pulled over. And I didn’t try to talk him out of it or show cleavage because he dropped the clocked speed to 80 to ease up on me and I didn’t want to push my luck right into a reckless driving charge.

Then we continued on, speeding to make up for lost time, agreeing that my sister would never again occupy the backseat, while she continued to occupy the backseat, and I continued to speed.

We drove over and saw my horse, fed him apples groomed him before it turned to evening darkness. If you ’re unfamiliar with roads that meander across country back to the motorway especially those lacking common decencies, like lighting, and people ride strange things, like tractors, and cows then prepare for the unexpected.

First up I almost hit a cat, five minutes later I almost hit a kitten, and a badger, well at least it seemed like one.

Without the time pressure it was enough to slow me to a speed more in range of the posted limit. There was a eat-in on the way back so we pulled in for homemade hot rolls and strawberry jam with strong steaming hot coffee.

We placed a couple of complicated orders that considering the place was soon to close must have hacked the staff off. In the spirit of reconciliation I smiled up at the waitress, whose face was devoid of the slightest sign of humour, displaying a mixture of anger and pain in equal amounts… I added, it’s ok if you want to spit in our food. I would too.

She smiled or more accurately grimaced no doubt out of guilt, probably because she already planned on it, or was thinking it at that exact moment, and everyone gets a kick out of irony.

When the food arrived mine displayed a fine specimen of a pubic hair. It may not have actually been a pubic hair, but more likely, the tightly coiled brunette lock of a short-haired cook, but either way these things are suspicious when found in food. It wasn’t even convincingly mixed in. It was centralised in full display pride of place on the chicken.

I asked Sis, who was also a waitress in her college days, and we discussed the best course of action. I didn’t want to be the douche who sent it back, or the one who had it taken off the bill, but I didn’t want to be the mug who ate a plucked pubes with a hair-light either. I looked for accompanying spit. It was hard to tell.

Ironically was reminded myself that it would be difficult to complain about any spit found on the plate, having previously given the waitress permission to do just that when ordering in the first place.
In the end I decided to let the waitress decide the best course of action, and I just tipped excessively. We made a pact not to ask for anything else for the rest of the meal, and we ate with our hands when we realised there was no cutlery.

So here I am sitting in another cafe, worrying about water leaking into my boot, rusting the lock while at the same time mulling over the texts about the rose, and had it has made me a bitch, for not acknowledging said rose.

The quandary, if I acknowledge the rose, it will end in a police report, where I’ maybe going to at the same time see what can be done about that ticket and the cookie thieves. I’ still willing to shoulder the blame for the tainted food.

Now that’s a bad day

 

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It’s finally been found that women do actually love to clean

It’s long been left to the women to do because it was thought that they actually like to do it, the cleaning we’re talking about, but apart from a likeness, in my opinion it’s because the men just aren’t as good.

Researchers found many women find giving the house a once over a ‘relaxing’, ‘satisfying’ or ‘therapeutic’ experience. Others said they felt a sense of ‘pleasure’ and ‘achievement’, mainly because they were safe in the knowledge surprise visitors wouldn’t see the house in a mess.

But ironically, almost four out of ten of those who love cleaning admitted they would never tell their other half they enjoyed getting to grips with the housework.

The admissions emerged in a report carried out among 2,000 women by Zoflora, the UK’s No 1 disinfectant.

Dr Jane McCartney, a chartered psychologist and consultant to Zoflora, said: “There are a growing number of common misconceptions about cleaning, however women can and do get a great deal of satisfaction from cleaning.

“The sense of achievement is an important factor in a person’s well-being and cleaning is an area where this achievement can live beyond the actual task itself.

“There is the therapeutic routine or sense of control in creating a home environment but also, perhaps, that homes also make a personal statement – cleanliness and choice of fragrance adding to their overall sense of personal pride satisfaction.

“Taking on tasks that you have a realistic chance of completing can provide immediate positive feedback; the undertaking and completion of the task will allow you to have a sense of control.

“The sense of achievement is an important factor in a person’s well-being and cleaning is an area where this achievement can live beyond the actual task itself.”

The study found vacuuming, tidying up and wiping surfaces clean are three household chores women enjoy. Cleaning the oven, the toilet and doing the ironing were the ones they were most likely to hate. Household tasks which required too much time, too much effort or were labelled ‘disgusting’ were most likely to be left to their other half.

But chores that left their house looking noticeably clean were the ones women preferred and enjoyed, like dusting and washing up. Making sure their house smelt clean and fresh was also a priority for women, with more than three quarters admitting they would judge someone with a bad smell in their home, or look at them in a negative light.

Dr. McCartney added: ”Not only is it just unpleasant to be near a bad smell, this also stems from our basic evolutionary development too.

”In the past unpleasant smells would signify a danger to survival, in as much as they indicate contamination, illness or even death.”

The study also found the average woman spends just over four hours a week cleaning, with the majority of women cleaning soon after they made a mess, rather than leaving everything until later.

Forty per cent said they did all the cleaning themselves – but most said their partner was equally responsible for the chores.

Incredibly, one in ten of the women love cleaning so much they go as far as to clean other people’s homes because it makes them feel good.

TOP TEN FAVOURITE CHORES:

Vacuuming

Tidying

Wiping surfaces clean

Putting the washing on

Hanging things on the line

Changing the sheets

Dusting

Washing up

Ironing

Mopping the floors

 

TOP TEN LEAST FAVOURITE CHORES:

Cleaning the oven

Cleaning the toilet

Cleaning the shower

Cleaning the bath

Defrosting the freezer

Cleaning the fridge

Sweeping the floors

Washing up

Taking the rubbish out

Vacuuming the stairs

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Men say Christmas would be better if they were in charge

British blokes say Christmas would be better if they were in charge, it has been revealed.

Despite the majority of men taking a backseat at Christmas, a third of guys reckon they would be better at organising the big day.

The findings emerged in a study of 2,000 men commissioned by Red Tractor beef and lamb to launch their seasonal campaign ‘A Father’s Christmas’, and show that in most partnerships the female tends to decide how the day will be spent, how the food will be cooked and where they will be.

But two-fifths of men reckon proceedings would be altogether less stressful if they had a say in matters.

Indeed, blokes believe THEIR Christmas would be less rushed, cheaper and more relaxing.

Jane Ritchie-Smith of Red Tractor beef and lamb said: “It interesting to see that so many men are keen to take on the challenge of Christmas and have their say on festive celebrations.

“As the majority of men tend to watch from the side-lines at Christmas, it is positive news that a large number want to do things their way.

“We hope to see men up and down the country put their money where their mouth is and take charge of Christmas this year. Festivities may change in many households but it could be for the better”

The poll shows that, given the chance to take charge at Christmas, a bold one in five men would radically change the Christmas Day menu.

Of these people, a quarter of men would do away with turkey for their ideal Christmas dinner – choosing a different meat for their roast – while almost a fifth would opt for steak and chips.

A cheeky 20 per cent said they would choose a takeaway for Christmas Day.

Other changes for Christmas Day include getting the children to help out in the kitchen more and buying presents already gift-wrapped.

Fifteen per cent of men would choose to stay at home on Christmas Day, with fewer visits to see extended family, while 11 per cent like the idea of sitting down together with traditional games and entertainment.

The research indicates 40 per cent of men would avoid spending the festive season with their in-laws if they thought they could get away with it.

And 36 per cent of blokes would also prioritise their favourite television programmes over days out to see Santa, family visits and trips to see the in-laws.

Just over half of those polled wouldn’t send out Christmas cards as they can’t be bothered to write and post them.

But, despite having a relatively rebellious attitude towards Christmas and the way things are normally done, 66 per cent of men admit their priority during December is their family and making sure they are happy.

Jane Ritchie-Smith from Red Tractor beef and lamb continues: “Men do actually want to make sure their families have a great time at Christmas, they just have a slightly different set of priorities.

“In general, they don’t think things like Christmas decorations, Christmas cards and presents are particularly important and they might have a point.

“There might be something quite refreshing in letting men do Christmas their way – women might actually find they quite like it.

“We want to see men have their say on Christmas, and to give them a little inspiration, we have some delicious, yet simple, recipes available at simplybeefandlamb.co.uk, plus some top tips to help them rustle up a festive feast and organise a fantastic Christmas for all the family.”

The survey also shows men generally hate crowded streets full of shoppers at Christmas, over-spending and the fact the occasion is too commercial.

A fifth can’t bear to hear carols on the radio months in advance of the actual day, while 14 per cent get irritated with hyperactive children.

Other blokes’ bug-bears include having to figure out how to operate children’s toys, travel congestion and last-minute shopping trips on Christmas Eve.

Actor and Dad, Will Mellor, who is supporting ‘A Father’s Christmas’ from Red Tractor beef and lamb says: “Christmas is always fantastic in my house but, if I were in charge, celebrations would end up being very different.

“We’d have to have a proper Christmas dinner with all the trimmings but I’d definitely make the menu a bit simpler the rest of the time. On Boxing Day, I’d get a quick beef pie on the table to make sure I can play with the kids and have time to fit in some footie on the TV. The kids would still get great presents but they might end up with a few big ones to make the shopping and wrapping quicker and easier!”

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Women attempting to give their man a makeover

They say a leopard will never change his spots, but women will certainly have a go of it.

New research has revealed that seven out of ten women have ‘done a Liz Hurley’ and given their man a makeover to improve his image.

Researchers found millions of women have copied Hurley’s remoulding of lover Shane Warne by altering their man’s hair, weight, lifestyle or eating habits.

Others have made dress sense their first priority, encouraging him to ditch scruffy jeans and tatty shirts for smarter, more presentable clobber.

Shedding unsightly beards or growing trendy stubble are also common issues which women address within weeks of meeting a new partner.

The trend emerged amid a study carried out by Wilkinson’s Sword to launch the  Movember charity fundraising event to raise awareness of men’s health problems.

Spokesman Jason Shankey, Wilkinson Sword’s Grooming Expert said: ”This research shows there is definitely a ‘Shane Warne effect’ sweeping through the country at the moment.

”The positive effect Liz Hurley has had on Shane Warne’s overall appearance is remarkable.

”And it seems women of the UK want to recreate similar results on their own men.

”A growing number of men are asking for shaving advice as their wives and girlfriends have requested they’re clean shaven.”

The study found nearly one third of women felt they had their boyfriend or husband ‘under their thumb’, with 60 per cent claiming they ‘knew best’ about style and image.

One quarter of those questioned said it had taken them just two weeks to start moulding their new partner in to their perfect man.

Second only to changing the way he dresses, altering his shaving habits to clip facial hair more regularly was the most common change.

Around 51 per cent said of those who had changed their man’s diet said their other half now ate more healthily.

Thirty-two per cent said they encouraged their other half to save money rather than be in the overdraft by payday and 25 per cent said they got them to talk more and open up about their thoughts and feelings.

Of the 2,000 women surveyed, 40 per cent said they felt it was a woman’s job to ‘makeover’ their man.

Worryingly, one third said they did it subtly, another third were ‘sneaky’ about it while the rest made it clear to their partner changes needed to be made.

Jason Shankey added: ”Getting involved in Movember is the perfect way for men to claim back their masculinity and grow a manly moustache.

”I’m sure women can forgive a month of facial hair on their partner for such a good cause as men’s health.

”And when December rolls around they can celebrate by shaving it all off to reveal the super smooth, clean shaven look they prefer.”

Top 20 things women change about their men:

1. Dress sense

2. Shaving habits

3. Hairstyle

4. Nose and ear hair issues

5. Shoe choice

6. Aftershave

7. Plucking eyebrows

8. Improving hygiene

9. Get rid of his beard/moustache

10. Cleanse and moisturise daily

11. Diet

12. Financial responsibility

13. Talking about their feelings

14. Drinking less

15. Watching more chick flicks

16. Call mum more frequently

17. Put the toilet seat down

18. Stop swearing

19. Share the remote control

20. Learn to cook

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Women are the stronger sex

 

It seems to have proven what we’ve always knew ladies… women are the stronger sex.

Science has finally put the facts straight and confirmed that we’re better at fighting off illnesses.

Last week, researchers suggested that women are genetically programmed to be more resistant to infections and even diseases such as cancer. 

Writing in the journal Bio Essays, they said the secret is a woman’s extra copy of the female X chromosome.

In one study, scientists from Queen Mary, University of London, found that a woman’s immune system can beat a range of infections quicker and more effectively than a man’s.

So when they’re lying in bed and complaining about the Man-flu don’t worry ladies, chances are you’ve already had it and fought it off.


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Men Are So… Into Page Three

What is it with men and topless women? I just don’t understand why they insist of having them plastered all over their wall / computer / phone and calendars… it’s bad enough that we can’t open a tabloid without staring at someone’s breasts every morning, but how would blokes feel if page two of every newspaper was a picture of a naked fella?

Does anyone else find it unnerving when you’re sat there with a guy, thinking about how you could murder a pizza and a glass of wine, and all you can see is a teeny-waisted girl staring back at you, gloating; “I’m fitter than you.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing against these girls, my fellow columnist Karly Ashworth is probably the prettiest page three girls I’ve ever seen, and I know there’s no way on earth my man would have a chance with her, but I still don’t like the idea that he looks at these teeny women with perfect skin and hair and nails and bums and boobs whilst I’m waddling around with my non-tanned skin and wondering why I can’t live up to them?

Someone said to me last night; “Memphis, the more weight you lose, the less confident you become.” And I think it’s true… but no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be like them, does that mean I’m not enough?

M.x

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Men Are So… Hard To Let Go Of (& Spineless)

Since my last blog I’ve had a rather interesting time of it…. Allow me to explain.

I have pretty much been single since my ex and I broke up in August 2008. Now, he wasn’t the first ‘long’ relationship I’ve had – and by ‘long’ I shamefully mean over 12 months – but he is the first guy I can say I really did love. For the sake of argument, let’s call him Paul.

We broke up after about two and a half years together and over the two years we’ve been apart, I have always compared everyone I ever met to him, with one of my dates once saying; “If Paul asked for you back tomorrow I know you’d jump into his arms.” Now, on the third date this isn’t exactly what you want to hear from a guy, but it is hard when you still find yourself talking about your ex to anyone who’ll listen.

I wasn’t by any means still in love with him, nor was I craving for him back, but for some reason he was still there, in the back of my mind, nagging at me to give it one last shot, to see if we were right to end it.

The weird thing was, Paul had been feeling the same as me (and I knew it). We’d met up for a drink once or twice and gone for days out a couple of times and would always end the ‘date’ with a kiss and a promise to try and sort things out between us. The only problem was, we never would. Although we both wanted it to work, neither of us made the effort to call and arrange a second date, and so things went back to how they always were.

Until now.

After moving into my swish new pad, I decided it was about time I had a housewarming BBQ when I knew my housemates would be out. I invited a few friends (and Paul) over and we had a bite to eat and rather a lot of wine, and once again, Paul and I decided to make a go of things, although this time we actually did make a go of things.

A week later we went to a gig together and then spent a rather nice evening snuggling up and making up for lost time. It was perfect and I found myself wondering what on earth we’d been thinking splitting up all those years ago – in actual fact the relationship had come to an end through my insecurities and his lack of motivation to go out and get the job he had always dreamed of – but now I had lost two stone and was feeling fabulous whilst he had taken steps to get the job he desired.

Everything was going swimmingly at long last… we were talking on the phone, BBM’ing pretty much every hour that we weren’t together and we even changed our Facebook to say ‘In a relationship’ with each other – I mean, it’s not official until it says so on Facebook these days – I was certain things were going to be just fine. Until all of a sudden it just stopped dead. Just like that.

There was no argument, no slight disagreement and nothing that could rationally explain why he suddenly decided to stop talking to me, but that was just it, radio silence. Every time I BBM’d him he would read it and not bother to reply, of the four times I tried to call him over the space of a week) he wouldn’t pick up NOR return my call.

I was heartbroken. Girls, you know how it is when you are so unbelievably infatuated with someone that even though everyone is telling you to kick him to the curb, and you know he’s no good for you, you just can’t let him go? Well that was me, I wanted to be strong (hell I wanted to rip his testicles off) but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to lose him again.

This went on for a week, with me drinking bottles of wine and crying myself to sleep at night until one morning I woke up and thought “Fuck this” and decided he had one hour to return my (obviously) missed call or it was over.

60 painful minutes later and I didn’t bother to try and arrange a date to ‘talk’ nor did I text / BBM / voicemail him about the demise of our relationship. I just changed my Facebook status to ‘single’ (like the mature adult I am) and that was it. Over. History. Goodbye.

I know you might think that’s childish, but I think ignoring me for an entire week is childish. Why not have the balls to tell me if you don’t want to be with me anymore? What a shame that self motivation didn’t extend to a bit of guts when it came to your personal life eh? Needless to say he’s gone from every possible way of contacting me… and never again will I shed a tear over him, but at least I know the man I thought I couldn’t get over has been gotten over… shame it wasn’t walked over with nail-soled platform shoes.

Memphis.x

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Men Are So… Arrogant

Unfortunately for us there isn’t always a legitimate reason to talk to a fit guy, so it often helps to create one, without letting on to him that you’ve just made up a reason to be near to him…

For example if you’re in a bar and fit guy is by the bar, why not go get a straw, napkin, another drink or even take the long way round to the loo so that he has no choice but to notice your gorgeous self sashaying around the place?

When you’re there catch his eye and ask his opinion on something, maybe “are there any good places around here that stay open later?” and after he gives you a list of a couple, pick one that sounds great and say you and your girlfriends will check it out… fingers crossed he’ll invite you to join him and his mates, or he’ll show up there and the first girl he’ll be looking for is your good self.

Obviously we don’t all spend out time in bars with our friends though, so you could always apply this somewhere like your uni lecture… if you spot fit guy a couple of rows in front, time your exit of the lecture to coincide with his, then casually ask what he thought of the topic, and maybe follow it up with asking for a bit of information you just happened to ‘miss’.

When I was at uni I used to spend hours just staring at the back of my crush’s head,  and on the rare occasion that I had to talk to him I just got all muddled and my hands got dead sweaty and I just made a total idiot of myself. The problem with me is that I have very little self confidence when it comes to talking to guys. I know I’ve lost two stone, but I’m still in the mindset of being that ‘fat funny girl’, you know, the one everyone wants to be friends with but no one wants to date?

So when the most beautiful guy I had ever seen came over to chat to me the other week, I was shocked that a fit guy was actually talking to me… said fit guy headed over with a look of puzzlement in his eyes so I asked if he had a question that he needed answering – this wasn’t me being flirty by the way, this was a genuine question – to which he replied; “No, but I can think of one if you like.”

Right. Now what was I supposed to say to that? Was this his way of flirting, or was the arrogant tone of his voice him just being a complete and utter pri*k? Turns out it was the latter; but I didn’t work this out until later.

I just about managed to say; “Erm, okay.” Before hnd he asked me if I thought we were going to have rain at some point during the next three house (odd, I know) but I took it as the his attempt at some kind of neutral conversation, and we chatted about the weather things for a little while before he wandered off.

Over the course of the afternoon I watched him faff about as he wandered in and out of my general proximity, and we exchanged a few more “hello’s” as I strolled up and down. As I predicted correctly, it did bucket it down later that day so I looked around for said boy to boast about my weather reading skills, but he was nowhere to be found. I was going to go for a little walk to find him and slip him my number, but I thought that would make me look a little bit like a tart.

That drive home was the hardest I’d ever done, I knew from reading this book that I shouldn’t have let him slip through my fingers like that, but I could hardly go charging all over town looking for him, could I? Dammit, that’s another one gone!

Memphis.x

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Men Are So… Good At Playing It Cool

Now we get down to the nitty gritty dating advice… as I’ve found out where I’ve been going wrong, it’s time to learn about how we should be meeting guys, how we approach them in a ‘neutral’ manner which makes him think we were just wanting to speak to him to ‘get’ something, but then decided to keep chatting to him because he was so good at helping us with our problem.

The only thing is, it sounds as though acting like we’re not interested is the most effective way in bagging our fit guy. I know this sounds about as useful as someone telling you’ it’ll get easier’ when you boyfriend dumps you the day before valentines day, but I’m going with it for now.

If we don’t want to scare a prospective date off, it seems as though we can either strike up the conversation with a need for information such as asking for the time or directions or by having a shared experience.

Need for information is an easy thing to grasp, so ill give you an example of when I put the ‘shared experience’ approach into practice. Brace yourself, it’s cringe worthy.

I spent last weekend strolling around a bike show, and as my ‘fit guy radar’ is always on, it didn’t take long before I spotted the hottest motorbike rider I have seen (this year) walking around with his leathers tied around his waist looking like an actual GOD.

I was too terrified to talk to him at 7am – as I still looked a bit like a zombie and had already drunk two cups of coffee so my breath probably smelt worse than my old maths teacher – but by lunchtime I’d popped in some gum and was ready to strike! It didn’t take me long to ‘bump’ into him, and as I walked towards his garage he flashed me a smile that made my entire face turn as red as a letter box and me suddenly want to vomit all over the floor. I pushed on though, a bit of sick isn’t going to stop me chatting to this hunk.

Luckily he’d won the race which meant I opened with the brilliant compliment of “Good ride this morning, well done on your win, did you enjoy it?” casual and complimentary, tick! He then told me a bit about the race and as if by magic we were pretty much just chatting normally.

Suddenly it was time for the afternoons entertainment to start so I had to leave him, but alas, I’d not gotten any of his personal information so had no way to contact him and set up some hot date or anything. He didn’t even know my full name, there was no way he was going to find me on Facebook…. Was there?

Oh yes there was! The next day I had a friend request from said boy. God knows how he’d found me, but he had, and I took this as a real sign that he was interested and a date was on the cards. That was until I found out he was only 18. An amazing five years younger than me. That’s that then.

So ladies, a mutual experience is a great way to start talking to fit guy, but please make sure he’s old enough before you start picking out your wedding dress, however, a sneaky tongue sandwich never hurt anyone…

Memphis. xx

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Men Are So…. Immature

After discovering that my High School attempts at courting had failed me miserably, I was happy to read that Samantha seems to have just as many problems in picking up guys as me.

By the time Lee had finished his GSCE’s and left school, I had moved up into year 11 and  thought it was about time to set my sights on someone a little more accessible. I met Rob during a school play, I was in a bit of a ‘emo’ phase at that point and he had long hair and played guitar so I thought he would do for me.

The only problem was that I was in year 11 and he was two years younger. Which pretty much signed my death warrant when it came to my social standing at school. Not that I was ever very ‘cool’ – I didn’t hitch my skirt up around my waist or parade around with my shirt half open and my bra filled with toilet roll, but perhaps that was a good thing as (unlike them) I’m not pregnant with my third child and living off benefits either.

My first ever ‘relationship’ lasted about a year, which I reckon is good for a 16 year old girl, but soon my college life meant I wanted to try and go out on the town with my friends (despite being underage) whilst Rob just wanted to hang out with his mates playing guitar and watching cartoons.

In the book, Sam talks about a bar being a great place to meet a guy, but warns that marching up to the first hottie you see and asking to buy him a drink might not be the best plan of action in the world. For me though, it worked. I spotted a lad from my school (I hadn’t noticed his hotness back when I was obsessing over Lee) and sauntered over for a little catch up. When it turned out he couldn’t get served at the bar, I confidently marched over to the barman, hoiked my bra straps up a little and landed us two pints of cider.

Quite why Chris wanted to date me after I drank a pint of cider is anyone’s guess, but it seemed to do the trick and I’d picked up my first guy in a bar. So ladies, if you see a hottie in the pub, why not try asking him if you can buy him a drink? Obviously don’t try it on a seventeen year old boy though, or there could be serious repercussions.

Memphis.xx

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