Well, first I need to be pointing out that those X Factor hunks who used to blog for us in the run up to Christmas 2010 are now to be known as the Reason 4 thanks to some legal stuff that we’re overlooking in favour of these naked photos.
The guys stripped off for Gay Times magazine & we’ve already bought six copies. Who’s your favourite? I cant decide…
Ruth. xx
I got back into the office this morning after spending a whole week in France skiing around various mountains and eating snails and frogs and was dreading the endless trudge through the 750+ emails waiting for me.
Luckily though, as I made it onto my second cup of coffee (about mid-morning) I stumbled upon an email full of pictures of the delicious Yellow Wire.
His name is Ol Beach, and if you’re a avid reader of my work here at FF, you probably know that I’ve talked about him before, but at long blinking last, Ol and his mates have gotten around to releasing Last Breath.
Not only that folks, but the lovelies have been playlisted on BBC Radio 2 as well, so you have absolutely no excuse not to give them a whirl. If not, we have a few pictures to convince you…
Ol looking like Jared Leto.
Ol looking a bit like Simon Neil
Ol looking like Justin Bobby from The Hills
The worst thing about a break up is telling people. I hate going out and having people ask ‘Where’s your boyfriend?’ I suppose that’s one good thing about Facebook. At least when your status changes, most people find out that two has become one (not in the awesome Spice Girls way) and you avoid the bursting-into-tears-on-the-dance-floor debacle.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend. A sad time in anyone’s life. It’s rough because this person – who was such a huge part of your life – is no longer around, it’s almost as though there is a void in your day-to-day activity. Who am I going to sneakily text at work? Who’s going to meet me off the tube and spend the night watching movies and eating crappy food with me? Surely there’s someone out there who wants to spend time with me?
Last night, my Facebook status update read: Dahlia went from being ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’ and for some reason, having this emblazoned across my profile acts as a beacon of ‘booty’ to all the sleazes on my friends list. I received messages from guys I barely even talk to with the transparent opener; ‘OH NO, what happened?!’
I’m pretty sure the direct translation is; ‘Do you need re-bound sex?’
But I’ll have to confront my girl to douche dictionary on that one.
Ordinarily, I would probably have begun texting one of these miscreants in an attempt to fill the space my boyfriend had just vacated (not that space, you dirty minds!) only to find that I have been rejected again because, two weeks down the line, he’s realised he won’t be sleeping with me. But now, after enlisting the help of my friends, literature, websites and movies, I’m going to play these guys at their own game.
PROJECT 1: Taming the ‘player.’
As all female kind is well aware, finding Mr Right is a lot more difficult than we’d have hoped. Any of you who have been following the dating trials and tribulations of Memphis will be fully aware you’re not alone on the unsuccessful quest for a man that is perfect for you.
However, it IS possible! Memphis herself is testament to that. Your friend and mine is probably cuddled up with her delightful boyfriend right now, blissfully discussing her day and receiving a foot rub. Maybe.
Unfortunately, my evenings are still filled with styling my hair to look like Lady Gaga’s and singing Chaka Khan’s ‘I’m Every Woman’ into a hairbrush… Slightly different to my romanticised prediction of my life at 23.
As Memphis is now madly in love, I shall be taking over her blog – and probably humiliating myself in the dating world in the process – so that all you ladies have someone’s mistakes to learn from. Let’s face it… there’ll be many.
Pussycat Doll leader Nicole Scherzinger has taken a break from judging wannabe singers on the X factor to strut about with hardly any clothes on in the name of pop music.
Here she is traipsing around in the video for her new single, ‘Poison’. Enjoy it. If you’ve got nothing better to do.
Since my last blog I’ve had a rather interesting time of it…. Allow me to explain.
I have pretty much been single since my ex and I broke up in August 2008. Now, he wasn’t the first ‘long’ relationship I’ve had – and by ‘long’ I shamefully mean over 12 months – but he is the first guy I can say I really did love. For the sake of argument, let’s call him Paul.
We broke up after about two and a half years together and over the two years we’ve been apart, I have always compared everyone I ever met to him, with one of my dates once saying; “If Paul asked for you back tomorrow I know you’d jump into his arms.” Now, on the third date this isn’t exactly what you want to hear from a guy, but it is hard when you still find yourself talking about your ex to anyone who’ll listen.
I wasn’t by any means still in love with him, nor was I craving for him back, but for some reason he was still there, in the back of my mind, nagging at me to give it one last shot, to see if we were right to end it.
The weird thing was, Paul had been feeling the same as me (and I knew it). We’d met up for a drink once or twice and gone for days out a couple of times and would always end the ‘date’ with a kiss and a promise to try and sort things out between us. The only problem was, we never would. Although we both wanted it to work, neither of us made the effort to call and arrange a second date, and so things went back to how they always were.
Until now.
After moving into my swish new pad, I decided it was about time I had a housewarming BBQ when I knew my housemates would be out. I invited a few friends (and Paul) over and we had a bite to eat and rather a lot of wine, and once again, Paul and I decided to make a go of things, although this time we actually did make a go of things.
A week later we went to a gig together and then spent a rather nice evening snuggling up and making up for lost time. It was perfect and I found myself wondering what on earth we’d been thinking splitting up all those years ago – in actual fact the relationship had come to an end through my insecurities and his lack of motivation to go out and get the job he had always dreamed of – but now I had lost two stone and was feeling fabulous whilst he had taken steps to get the job he desired.
Everything was going swimmingly at long last… we were talking on the phone, BBM’ing pretty much every hour that we weren’t together and we even changed our Facebook to say ‘In a relationship’ with each other – I mean, it’s not official until it says so on Facebook these days – I was certain things were going to be just fine. Until all of a sudden it just stopped dead. Just like that.
There was no argument, no slight disagreement and nothing that could rationally explain why he suddenly decided to stop talking to me, but that was just it, radio silence. Every time I BBM’d him he would read it and not bother to reply, of the four times I tried to call him over the space of a week) he wouldn’t pick up NOR return my call.
I was heartbroken. Girls, you know how it is when you are so unbelievably infatuated with someone that even though everyone is telling you to kick him to the curb, and you know he’s no good for you, you just can’t let him go? Well that was me, I wanted to be strong (hell I wanted to rip his testicles off) but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to lose him again.
This went on for a week, with me drinking bottles of wine and crying myself to sleep at night until one morning I woke up and thought “Fuck this” and decided he had one hour to return my (obviously) missed call or it was over.
60 painful minutes later and I didn’t bother to try and arrange a date to ‘talk’ nor did I text / BBM / voicemail him about the demise of our relationship. I just changed my Facebook status to ‘single’ (like the mature adult I am) and that was it. Over. History. Goodbye.
I know you might think that’s childish, but I think ignoring me for an entire week is childish. Why not have the balls to tell me if you don’t want to be with me anymore? What a shame that self motivation didn’t extend to a bit of guts when it came to your personal life eh? Needless to say he’s gone from every possible way of contacting me… and never again will I shed a tear over him, but at least I know the man I thought I couldn’t get over has been gotten over… shame it wasn’t walked over with nail-soled platform shoes.
Memphis.x
Now we get down to the nitty gritty dating advice… as I’ve found out where I’ve been going wrong, it’s time to learn about how we should be meeting guys, how we approach them in a ‘neutral’ manner which makes him think we were just wanting to speak to him to ‘get’ something, but then decided to keep chatting to him because he was so good at helping us with our problem.
The only thing is, it sounds as though acting like we’re not interested is the most effective way in bagging our fit guy. I know this sounds about as useful as someone telling you’ it’ll get easier’ when you boyfriend dumps you the day before valentines day, but I’m going with it for now.
If we don’t want to scare a prospective date off, it seems as though we can either strike up the conversation with a need for information such as asking for the time or directions or by having a shared experience.
Need for information is an easy thing to grasp, so ill give you an example of when I put the ‘shared experience’ approach into practice. Brace yourself, it’s cringe worthy.
I spent last weekend strolling around a bike show, and as my ‘fit guy radar’ is always on, it didn’t take long before I spotted the hottest motorbike rider I have seen (this year) walking around with his leathers tied around his waist looking like an actual GOD.
I was too terrified to talk to him at 7am – as I still looked a bit like a zombie and had already drunk two cups of coffee so my breath probably smelt worse than my old maths teacher – but by lunchtime I’d popped in some gum and was ready to strike! It didn’t take me long to ‘bump’ into him, and as I walked towards his garage he flashed me a smile that made my entire face turn as red as a letter box and me suddenly want to vomit all over the floor. I pushed on though, a bit of sick isn’t going to stop me chatting to this hunk.
Luckily he’d won the race which meant I opened with the brilliant compliment of “Good ride this morning, well done on your win, did you enjoy it?” casual and complimentary, tick! He then told me a bit about the race and as if by magic we were pretty much just chatting normally.
Suddenly it was time for the afternoons entertainment to start so I had to leave him, but alas, I’d not gotten any of his personal information so had no way to contact him and set up some hot date or anything. He didn’t even know my full name, there was no way he was going to find me on Facebook…. Was there?
Oh yes there was! The next day I had a friend request from said boy. God knows how he’d found me, but he had, and I took this as a real sign that he was interested and a date was on the cards. That was until I found out he was only 18. An amazing five years younger than me. That’s that then.
So ladies, a mutual experience is a great way to start talking to fit guy, but please make sure he’s old enough before you start picking out your wedding dress, however, a sneaky tongue sandwich never hurt anyone…
Memphis. xx
After discovering that my High School attempts at courting had failed me miserably, I was happy to read that Samantha seems to have just as many problems in picking up guys as me.
By the time Lee had finished his GSCE’s and left school, I had moved up into year 11 and thought it was about time to set my sights on someone a little more accessible. I met Rob during a school play, I was in a bit of a ‘emo’ phase at that point and he had long hair and played guitar so I thought he would do for me.
The only problem was that I was in year 11 and he was two years younger. Which pretty much signed my death warrant when it came to my social standing at school. Not that I was ever very ‘cool’ – I didn’t hitch my skirt up around my waist or parade around with my shirt half open and my bra filled with toilet roll, but perhaps that was a good thing as (unlike them) I’m not pregnant with my third child and living off benefits either.
My first ever ‘relationship’ lasted about a year, which I reckon is good for a 16 year old girl, but soon my college life meant I wanted to try and go out on the town with my friends (despite being underage) whilst Rob just wanted to hang out with his mates playing guitar and watching cartoons.
In the book, Sam talks about a bar being a great place to meet a guy, but warns that marching up to the first hottie you see and asking to buy him a drink might not be the best plan of action in the world. For me though, it worked. I spotted a lad from my school (I hadn’t noticed his hotness back when I was obsessing over Lee) and sauntered over for a little catch up. When it turned out he couldn’t get served at the bar, I confidently marched over to the barman, hoiked my bra straps up a little and landed us two pints of cider.
Quite why Chris wanted to date me after I drank a pint of cider is anyone’s guess, but it seemed to do the trick and I’d picked up my first guy in a bar. So ladies, if you see a hottie in the pub, why not try asking him if you can buy him a drink? Obviously don’t try it on a seventeen year old boy though, or there could be serious repercussions.
Memphis.xx
So, I’ve had The Sassy Guide To Picking Up Fit Guys for a couple of days now, and after eating fish and chips for tea I thought it was about time I stopped faffing about and got my ass into gear if I wanted a hot date.
So with brew in hand and my feet up I decided it was time to make a serious go of it.
The first chapter of the book is all about ‘How NOT to pick up your fit guy’ and if I’m honest, you could have changed the names around and you would have been reading about my adolescent years.
As Sam talks about a lad called Ryan Masters, her high school crush and first ever public rejection, it reminds me of the lad I used to obsess over for the final two years of high school. We’ve all had it haven’t we? That guy we used to dream about during our boring Science lessons, who used to make our heart skip when he passed us in the corridor on the way to Maths and most excitingly (as if it was fate) he had P.E outside the French classroom windows which meant a whole hour of watching in run around in shorts. Heaven.
The only problem with my crush was he didn’t know I existed, so when I proceeded to tell the school gossips about my crush I really hoped he’d see me across the playground, fall head over heels in love with me and we’d live happily ever after. There was only one problem with that… Lee didn’t seem to quite have the same great stonking crush on me that I had developed on him. Which obviously made me all the more determined to win him over.
After a couple of months, I pretty much knew his lesson timetable and had a general idea of when and where we’d be passing each other around the campus – hence when I REALLY needed to check my make up and have my boy-dazzling smile at the ready. I was CONVINCED that one day he’d fall for me, I had it all planned out in my head – as I walked down the Science block steps and he ascended into heaven, he’d sweep me up into his arms and confess his love for me in front of the whole of Year 10 & 11. I knew it would happen, I just think I must have been off sick on the day he had planned to do it, and then he chickened out afterwards.
Luckily for me, I never faced the same level of public rejection as the author of The Sassy Guide… but it’s still just as cringe-worthy now to know how I’d been acting like a totally mental stalker for two years of my life. Yet the weird thing is, a few years later I ended up bumping into Lee again and we had a little bit of a kiss and cuddle, but oddly, I just didn’t fancy him anymore. What is it with us girls eh? We obsess about a guy for two WHOLE years, and then he finally wants us and we’re like, ‘No thanks.’
Crazy!
Memphis.xx
*** NEW ALBUM ‘OBSESSION’ COMING NOVEMBER 15TH ***
web1.femalefirst.co.uk - 0.15s v3.0 - 2013-01-28 09:47:17 (d)
