8yr marriage, 4 kids and wife never attracted to hu

[97990103]

I came across this page this morning as I have been searching for answers for over a week now. My wife and I have been married for 8 yrs next month and have 4 of the most beautiful children in the world, I can't tell you how blessed we are. We dated for a year before we married and to be honest it wasn't an easy year, when we started going out she thought I was interested in someone else which I wasn't and I had a bitter ex that was causing a lot of problems. Within 1 1/2 years I lost my business and we moved away with our 1st child. During the next few years we had 2 more childredn and were blessed to be able to adopt a baby 2 yrs ago. Being self employed, our lives are affected by the ups and downs in income being inconsistent. Well 2 months ago, we moved back to our hometown and I new something was wrong. During the last almost 7 years we never kiss, never are intimate and it has been difficult for me. She has told me a time or to that she needed help as she has a problem. Well, a month ago we were driving down the road and got to talking about kissing and she said it was hard for her as she always had thoughts of my ex when we kissed and she didn't like it. And because of not being able to enjoy kissing doesn't allow her to go further in being intimate. I really never believed that so I kept prying to find out the truth. 1 1/2 weeks ago I got it, she told me she has NEVER been attracted to me and when we kiss it makes her stomach turn. I about died, my wife is absolutely beautiful and not being conceited, I am not bad looking either...I work out and am active and in great shape. I was and am still blown away. We even talked about the times when we first started going out, infact the very first night we met to go out dancing and to have a drink we were going to meet the next morning for breakfast so after I left to go home, she bumped into some else she knew and went home with him and had a one nighter. I asked why and how...she said she was turned on by him and had always been attracted to him. Then when I asked about all the times we were intimate, she tells me during receving oral...she has to fantasize about other people in order to reach orgasm and during intercourse she just wants it to be over. She says she loves me and wants no one else ever but I just can't understand this. I see now what she has told me she needed help but my concerns are how can you develop an attraction for someone after 9 years when you have never had it for? We are talking about going to counseling but she tells me she doesn't know if she can change. I feel leaving isn't an option as I could never do anything to have a negative effect on my kids, but feel by staying in this type of relationship will only force me to turn outside my marriage. I have talked to her to see if this is something that has been this way in past relationships and she says only with the guy before me that she was with for 4 yrs. Other than us 2 she has been very attracted and aroused with all others. Romance and intimacy were always good and she says she is so fortunate to have such greast past relationships. I have to say I am having a very tough time with this and can't discuss it with anyone and she says she doesn't want to talk about it anymore, the burden is off her shoulders and on mine.

[murray]

If she has no intention of ending the relationship, there should be no harm in going to counseling.

I would try any credible method to address the problem rather than resigning myself to a marriage without sex or any affection whatsoever.

[kiltsr4guys]

If she has no intention of ending the relationship, there should be no harm in going to counseling.

I would try any credible method to address the problem rather than resigning myself to a marriage without sex or any affection whatsoever.

8


8 years of marriage.............4 kids and she seems to not love you....the womans over worked with kids.. give her a break the oldest has to be just into primary school and the other 3 are driving her crazy all day.....dude this women need a weeks vacation away from the five of you ! watch the kids for a week straight and then see how horney you are after you put up with the kids for a week

[iceman]

Damn,….basically your wife is telling you that the two of you have been living a LIE for the past 8 years!!!!!!!!

A lie WITH 4 kids too !!!

Damn,..I kinda wonder WTF she was thinking all the time during your marriage?!?

I mean,..was she pretending to herself to be with the man who she had a relationship with before you,..While she was living WITH you?!?

I can understand, that you do not want to leave your wife because leaving this situation could give a negative influence towards your kids about you.

But you have to think a little bit about your self too here,…how fair is it to yourself to be living a complete LIE?

A damn tricky situation!

~iceman