Extra marital fling

TheatreDiva · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 31 Jan 2008 Posts: 4

I am performing in the lead role of a amateur Musical and I am falling for my co-star.

The show is a romantic comedy and we have a kissing scene.

For weeks at rehearsals we have been flirtatiously joking around about having to practice the kiss. We discussed how it is all part of the role, and it's not real, and we have to get it right so it looks good on stage etc.

We're both married, so it was always going to be a bit awkward, so we agreed that in order to get over the embarrassment we would have a practice in private before having to do it for the first time in front of the rest of the cast.

So, this week we went for a drink together after rehearsal with the idea of having a quick smooch to get it out of the way. We sat in a quiet corner of the bar, and he kissed me. First we kissed the way we plan to do it on stage. It was fine, a little strange, but ok. He's very attractive, so it was quite easy really! We chatted for a while afterwards, then he kissed me again, a little more passionately and I kissed him back.

Now it's all too easy for us to say that we were just practising, but it really felt like more than that.

Later in the carpark, he went to kiss me goodbye, and we ended up kissing very passionately for about 10 minutes!

Now I'm feeling a bit mixed up. Part of me thinks, yes this is just practice, we need to get over the awkwardness etc etc. But then I think hmm I haven't kissed another man apart from my husband for 5 years and this is exciting in more ways than one!

I'm fairly happy in my marriage, although I would complain that my husband doesn't spend enough time with me - often choosing a night in front of the computer instead of being with me, and our sex life is a little stale. It's a bit of a when it's good it's great situation.

I don't intend to have a full on affair with this guy and I certainly don't see it developing into anything sexual, but I'm enjoying the attention, so should I just continue as I am, and think of it as a fling for the duration of the show, a confidence booster, a bit of excitement in my otherwise boring life???

How have other people dealt with this kind of situation?

All advice, comments welcome.

vixen37 · Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 3:36 pm Post subject:

hun i dont see how you can say i dont intend to have an affair, you have no idea at this point where it could possibly lead. i am sure you are flattered and it is very exciting at the moment BUT is it worth losing everything for if it all goes wrong? my advice is have a good long think about this and figure out what is more important to you. good luck hun

MaxtheGaul · Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 5:48 pm Post subject:

Hi TheatreDiva, It's not really surprising is it, hot guy, slightly jaded love life at home...

He is probably asking himself the same questions, and may intend to take it further than you do - who knows.

Easy answer. Tell you husband! You've done nothing so far that you should be embarrassed about, but you have stirred up something. Tell him about it, perhaps when you're making love (it's sometimes easier then because it sort of adds to the fantasy). Find out how he feels about it.

This will have a number of effects, it will keep your relationship straight, probably strengthen it. It might wake both of you up to work a bit harder at it. You will find out how he really feels about the play (at least he will know that he can trust you not to do things behind his back).

And in some cases he may get enough of a kick out of it to let you off the leash a little more than you might expect.

Whatever you do don't hide any of it from him because even a little bit of hidden naughtiness can explode in your face when you least expect it.

That's my view anyway. And I've been on both ends of similar (and more extreme situations) and honesty has always saved the day Very Happy

BeachBall · Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 5:49 pm Post subject:

Sweetie - you've gotta live the part, but you've also gotta make sure that it's just acting. OK?

happygirl · Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 7:13 pm Post subject:

little_miss_forceful · Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 12:00 pm Post subject:

rosie727 · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 12:15 am Post subject:

think about what you stand to lose-know can see the future. would be sad if you threw it all away on a whim

Bouncy · Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 4:15 pm Post subject:

If you're seriously thinking of a career in theatre and acting, then you have to keep your personal feelings separate from your professional ones. Or one of them will suffer.

little_miss_forceful · Posted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 8:32 pm Post subject:

you need to know the difference between real and make believe, otherwise you will be falling for your leading men!!!!!

wildchild · Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 12:54 pm Post subject:

as flattering as it may seem it can only end in disaster one way or another. best leave it

SimonStef · Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:01 pm Post subject:

Definately stop kissing this other man!

How would you feel if you found out your husband was doing what you're doing?

I know if it were me I'd be devestated!
I'm sure the likes of Johnny Depp don't go practicing their kissing or sex scenes off set, and let's face it everyone knows how to kiss and it really doesn't matter if you're good or bad...because it's not for pleasure. It's for the purposes of a play.

Cambridge · Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 9:19 pm Post subject:

You need to work on your marriage and not on this guy; it doesn't seem that bad...just need a little sauce. Smile

It would be interesting to talk to the guy’s wife and find out if his grass is any greener after so many years of marriage…impossible probably, but interesting nonetheless.

I don’t know about Max’s suggestion. Creative, but chancy. You haven’t sinned (so-to-speak) yet, but if you let hubby into your mind, when you don’t even know yourself what’s in there, you broaden the field of doubt. Right now it’s still your mind…make it up…and, oh, the answer is, NO. Wink

tobinfest · Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 5:02 pm Post subject: Re: Extra marital fling

I'm fairly happy in my marriage, although I would complain that my husband doesn't spend enough time with me - often choosing a night in front of the computer instead of being with me, and our sex life is a little stale. It's a bit of a when it's good it's great situation.

I don't intend to have a full on affair with this guy and I certainly don't see it developing into anything sexual, but I'm enjoying the attention, so should I just continue as I am, and think of it as a fling for the duration of the show, a confidence booster, a bit of excitement in my otherwise boring life???

How have other people dealt with this kind of situation?

All advice, comments welcome.[/quote]

Dear Diva,
I hope this is worthy to assist you. First of all, be faithfull and don't do anything stupid, although the opportunity and the allure are there for you.
You mention that you are "fairly happy", which is telling to me.
They say that men (I am one) have two heads and only enough blood to run one at a time and this might be the case with you. I am directing this to your brain, rather than your body or any urges or pangs you might be feeling.
I have no idea where you are located, but I would suggest that you take a significant time out, on your own, no company and go for a drive, windows down and hair blowing in the wind, or walk to the park and relax and enjoy nature and kids in the park and little dogs and sit on a bench and assertain where you are and what you are feeling and why you are feeling what you are feeling. This should take hours and not minutes, but sit there and reflect. Talk to yourself (but try not to have your lips move Laughing

). There is always someone else out there for all of us, yet most resist the temptation. There is something lacking in your relationship, which you need to identify, quantify and find a cure for. Now your butt is hurting on the park bench, but if you still haven't figured it out, you need to start again and the answer, if you are open, will come to you, for good or for bad, but hopefully for the greater good. Perhaps a portion of your problem is a lack of candor and diologue, which is curious as I told you to get away from all and think it through on your own. If it takes all day, driving or sitting in the park, so be it, but at least you will be satisfied that you wrestled with this problem, in your mind and possibly came up with a reason and then perhaps a solution or a direction to move in.
Be positive and figure it out. The park or the drive will be wonderful for you, regardless. You, as an actress, know that this is not a role. Dramatic? yes, but real life. The grass appears that it is always greener somewhere else, but it rarely is. Weeds at home? Do something about it as there will also be weeds and thorns elsewhere. Life is not perfect, but we need to make it as perfect as it can be, for ourselved.
You sound intelligent, which caught my attention and you wouldn't have gotten to where you are without a high degree of intelligence. You are capable of figuring it out, although I think deep thinking, alone, is your best option.
I hope this helps. You will notice that, other than to get alone for a ride or a trip to the park, I have not told you what to do. The answer lies in your own hands and mind and I hope you will sort this out. Take the loins and the urges out of it and simply deal with the rest as your options.
Good luck to you. If my daughter came to me (except I have two sons, but I do have a daughter in law, who is now my daughter, I would tell her the same advice. Think it through. Good luck. Enjoy the ride or the park. It is amazing what quiet times can do. Godspeed.

tobinfest · Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 5:17 pm Post subject:

To Happy Girl,
I reread this thread and saw that you had used the grass is always greener, which I missed, before I said the same thing. Good comment, Happy Girl and apparently we think alike. Let's hope that this young girl can heed some advice and find her own solution in a wise fashion.
Sorry for stepping on your toes, but good advice to this lady.

splinkygb · Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 7:59 am Post subject:

Why shouldn't you enjoy being kissed passionately for a change!