Boyfrinds trouble - he wants time!

[urban-mermaid]

So it all started Saturday night!
Once I have had a drink, (I do not usually drink) I can get very intimidated by other girls flirting around my boyfriend.

We were with a group of friends and one of my bf's friends girlsfriends sister starting to flirt with my bf quite alot, I thought nothing of it all night, until we were in the taxi and I just launced at her.

I was pulled off and me and me and my bf got out of the taxi and walked back to his, but he ran off and left me on my own and without a mobil eor anything.

I know I have done wrong, and I want to change, I went to see a counseller yesterday and have trried calling him, but he is not answreing, he said he wants a week to think about things, and that I should too, which I have and I want nothing more than to be with him, I am willing to do anything to change for him!!

I am really close to his family, and they have been comforting me, saying it will all be over soon and you will be back together!

I don't know as I have hurt him, and his freinds hate me now (understandebly) but I have tried to contact one so I can apologise and get some flowers for this girl for whats its worth!

Me and my bf have been together nearly 3 years, he used to be jealous when we first met, but he doesn'ty seem it anymore.

I am not a nasty person, everyone how knows me knows that, he doesn't want the risk of it happening again, how can i prove to him I want to change and make us stronger?

He has said not to contact him, but his twin sister has said that he says I am not tryinh hard enough, I don't get that, so I am going over his tonight to talk to him, he doesn't know I am coming, and I will have to get a taxi to get to him, so he knows I will be making the effort to see him!

I just want him back

Please help

[panty-man]

Hi Urban Mermaid, (how did you come up with the name?)
You don’t indicate your age but you sound like late teen to maybe early twenties, at this age a males friends can be just as important to him as can be his personal relationships, you may be up against his friends who may not want him seeing you, by saying you are not trying hard enough could he be referring to you needing to mend relationships with the other people who were affected by this event?
You may need to put out the other fires you have started before you try to fix your relationship, if he is under pressure from others affected the other night you need to get rid of that pressure first, then things will probably fall in place for you.
Good luck, keep me posted on how you go.

[urban-mermaid]

Hi
I am 22.
Not sure how i came up with the name I just saw it somewhere once )

I have contacted his friend to see if I can drop some flowers of with him for her! But no reply yet.

His friends are not getting involved, which is good, but they have said that they don't want anything to do with me, which is understandable! They are completly fine with my bf! and he is not letting anyone make up his mind, which is good!

This has happened before, with his ex girlfriend, so I think he is scared it's just going to keep happenign again, which it isn't.

I have taken the first step to getting help via counselling, which I think will help alot.

[panty-man]

It does seem a little strange that if this is a one off that you would go to counselling, but I feel you know what needs to be done, so good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
If I can help with any thoughts let me know.

[noodles]

Can I ask why are you choosing counselling now? If you react like this a lot when you've had a drink I think your bf's reaction is reasonable. At the end of the day you attacked someone. Are you going to counselling cause you fear losing him after this incident or because you really want to - there is a huge difference. Can I ask whether other women bother you at all when you're sober albeit not so aggressively?

It sounds as though you are desperate to get him back and maybe not doing as he's asked - phoning people,trying to send flowers, talking to his family about it ect.................In fairness it sounds stiffling. Is is possible to do as he asks and just give him some space?

[urban-mermaid]

I have acted like this once before, and now as I am at the brink of losing, I have realied that I need to sort myself out, not just for him, for me too!
He wanst me to start saving money, and driving.

Other women only bother me, if they start flirting with him, otherwise no!

I am desperate to get him back, I love him, but I know now that I need r give him the space, he has said he still loves me, but doesn't want this to happen again, I wen over his last night, and we had a little chat, I just wawnted to say what I had been saying face to face really, he gave me a big hug when I left, which was nice!

His twin sister is my best friend, and his family are my family, we are so close! and they are just supporting me through this, as they are with my BF. They both (he has two sisters) don't want us to break up!

I was trying to send flowers to the girl that I had an argument with, I contacted his friend and asked if I culod , and he said no, and then I tried again, but no response, my BF knows this also, so he can see I am trying.

I have also booked myself some driving lessons and theory test, as I need to get this done! I have failed my test 3 times and it put me down alot!

I just want to get this sorted, I know it will be a while, but he said, wait for me while I am thinking and don't go seeing anyone else (NOT THAT I WOULD!!!) I am going to his sisters hen party this weekend and he is going to the stag do, so he can let his hair down for a bit, which will be good for him

We have been through alot together! I got pregnant when we first met, and we couldn't keep it, as he was still at college and I wasn't exactly in a good piad job, and that hurt alot, as we did feel as if we wanted it

I think what he is worried about is that I do this again, and that I cross the wrong person! I am a jealous person, I've always been, but I am changing. I know how insecure I am, and I want to sort it, not long ago he said that I had put on weight and that it puts him of sex a bit (this was the day before the incident) which is true, as I have put pn weight, and I value his honesty, but it still hurt alot being told that

[noodles]

I have acted like this once before, and now as I am at the brink of losing, I have realied that I need to sort myself out, not just for him, for me too!
He wanst me to start saving money, and driving.

Other women only bother me, if they start flirting with him, otherwise no!

I am desperate to get him back, I love him, but I know now that I need r give him the space, he has said he still loves me, but doesn't want this to happen again, I wen over his last night, and we had a little chat, I just wawnted to say what I had been saying face to face really, he gave me a big hug when I left, which was nice!

His twin sister is my best friend, and his family are my family, we are so close! and they are just supporting me through this, as they are with my BF. They both (he has two sisters) don't want us to break up!

I was trying to send flowers to the girl that I had an argument with, I contacted his friend and asked if I culod , and he said no, and then I tried again, but no response, my BF knows this also, so he can see I am trying.

I have also booked myself some driving lessons and theory test, as I need to get this done! I have failed my test 3 times and it put me down alot!

I just want to get this sorted, I know it will be a while, but he said, wait for me while I am thinking and don't go seeing anyone else (NOT THAT I WOULD!!!) I am going to his sisters hen party this weekend and he is going to the stag do, so he can let his hair down for a bit, which will be good for him

We have been through alot together! I got pregnant when we first met, and we couldn't keep it, as he was still at college and I wasn't exactly in a good piad job, and that hurt alot, as we did feel as if we wanted it

I think what he is worried about is that I do this again, and that I cross the wrong person! I am a jealous person, I've always been, but I am changing. I know how insecure I am, and I want to sort it, not long ago he said that I had put on weight and that it puts him of sex a bit (this was the day before the incident) which is true, as I have put pn weight, and I value his honesty, but it still hurt alot being told that

It all sounds pretty muddled

Not too sure im keen on his honesty either but there you go. its your relationship - good luck with it.

[Cambridge]

You need distance, hun. Some pushing away. Then give it some weeks/months, and If you guys were meant to be, you'll attract back together.

Violence is not cool. So you need to separate that issue from your relationship right now and deal with it separately. It does not belong in the interpretation of the equasion of you and your bf. It is bad...bad...bad! So, you need a counselor in anger management. Get that straight before you do anything else. Then you can present yourself as a straight-up girl to your bf.

[Fred75]

That's what happens when 22 year old girls start spreading their legs for guys!
They get so involved that they fail to be objective about the fact he let the other girls flirt with him.

See, if you weren't having sex with him you would realize he's a scum bag for ignoring how you feel.

[Qwynn]

Jealousy isn't cool either. You get yourself all worked up over nothing. It's a useless emotion. Don't let it get to you.

Insecurity is something you get over after several mature relationships. You'll find that constantly being insecure will probably drive him away.

Take 3 deep breaths and relax. Take time to think before you act. I don't know the whole story and maybe your BF sees things completely differently. It's hard to say from this point of view.