by Lucylastic on Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:14 pm
15 Easy Steps to Poo like a Man:
1. Select reading material (can be anything except a porn-mag;
tried by every man once, but never repeated - see step 4).
2. Tell everyone along the way, "Just going for a dump, okay?"
Always tell girlfriend/wife, especially when she has visitors.
3. Pull pants and trousers around ankles, then sit down.
4. Adjust penis and testicles to hang comfortably without touching
the toilet rim.
5. Open reading material and relax.
6. Whilst waiting, it is traditional to audibly fart.
7. Sigh loudly as the first one bullets out. It is quite normal to
experience a cold jet of water rocket up your anus as a result
of the first bomb. This is to be endured if you want to be a
real man.
8. Remain sitting and reading until pins-and-needles set in to
your legs and buttocks.
9. Rise and look at the poo. Make mental notes of any
irregularities to report to friends and girlfriend/wife, e.g.
colour, consistency, any visible traces of peanuts, etc. You
must tell people about it.
10. Take long length of paper and wipe anus. You must look at the
paper before throwing it into the pan.
11. Repeat step 10 until there is no longer any evidence of faeces
on the paper.
12. Flush. If there is any residue left on the pan, under no
circumstances attempt to clean it off. In due course, it will
come away by itself. Or, when your girlfriend/wife next uses
the loo.
13. Leave the seat up. Leave the reading material on the floor
(you can use it again later).
14. Wash your hands once.
15. Vacate the bathroom, leaving the door open. It is important to
a man's self-esteem that other people smell his produce.
What's that? Oh... Not that sort of crap joke you say?
"I am going to be making a few more tweaks shortly to compliment the others that you hopefully didn't notice" -
Viktor Bryukhanov, Director, Chernobyl nuclear power plant
My friend sent me that one.......I liked it!
No but I like it..........
