Hubby has no sex drive

[Scorpion]

Here's a little background. We are both 39 years old, 3 teenagers in high school, been married for 19 years.

Around 10 years ago, our sex life started going downhill. At first it went to once a week, then once every two weeks, to once a month.
Now it's to the point to where my husband hasn't touched me in 6 weeks, getting ready to start on the 7th week. This isn't the first time thats happened. The last time we had sex (which will soon be 7 weeks ago), we hadn't had sex for 6 weeks.

First, I know there is NO problem with him getting/maintaining an erection. The whole problem is that he just is NOT interested in sex with me anymore.

We have talked about this & I have poured my heart out to him, trying to make things better between us. But, nothing I say or do helps in any shape, form, or fashion. My husband claims there is nothing wrong with me, he says he just has "things" on his mind & sex is not on his list.
I do NOT "hound" him on a daily basis for sex. Once a week, once ever two weeks, I'll try, only to be turned away.
I have "came on" to him, tried to seduce him, tried to add some spice by asking if he wanted some cool whip or chocolate (of course he wasn't interested), ask to take a shower together (he says shower stall too small), flashed him, even tried touching him. All he does is turn away. For instance, I can walk up to him, start kissing on him, tell him how much I need & want him, run my hand down his chest to the front of his pants & "attempt" to rub him..........What does he do? Turns away quickly & will tell me.....now, now, now.....don't get yourself all worked up.........then he walks away from me.

I am hurt, lonely. I feel all alone. I am tired of pleasuring myself. I know sex isn't everything in a realtionship, but it sure is a big part of it. Seems like I'm good at being the maid, work horse, friend, and mother to our 3 teenagers but when it comes to the bedroom..........I'm no good to him.
I am so tired of being alone here. I feel guilty for saying this, but it's been on my mind for a couple of years now anyway.........I believe my husband is just "comfortable" in our so-called relationship. He's got a wife who works & doesen't mind changing oil in the cars, help put a roof on the house, cooks, cleans, & is a good mother. I feel like a "buddy" instead of a woman. I don't feel desirable at all. When that "blue moon" hits & we do have sex...........it's nothing special. I don't enjoy myself & am not satisfied afterwards. I can tell that my husband just isn't "into me or the sex" when its going on, that doesen't help me at all. I don't know but I'm getting to the point that I really don't care if he touches me anymore or not. Maybe thats why I don't enjoy sex with him. Maybe after all these years, all the turn downs, I may not be strong enough to walk away but in my mind, I've walked away from our relationship sexually, just as he has me.
I'm sorry for going on & on here. This is my first post, I do not have anyone to talk to. I have casual friends but none close enough to actually talk to this deep.
I'd appreciate any advice. I just don't know what to do or what I want anymore.

[Libran]

Scorpian

This is my first post also, although I empathise I don't feel I can assist you or enlightlen you in any way, as I am in a similar situation - except that I am the husband of a wife who has little sexual interest.

When I say similar I mean in many ways - our age groups, kids ages etc. I note that many of my male friends are also in that situation and can't help but ask why.

When I say I have tried everything I am not kidding - it is almost as though I am dealing with a completely emotionless person - which is sad as I have spent my life committed to this person who now treats intimacy as something irrelevant. There is much of this which has frustrated me and as such you may wish to look up personlity disorders - namely histrionic and narcistic - read them before you judge, however it sort of helped me.

It helped me realise that the person that I am married to is sadly not likely to ever show the affection, and sexual intertest that they used to. That is a hard one to swallow - but it is where we are.

I am not a qualified person on these matters just someone who is happy to share their experience - so you may wish to seek qualified assistance.

Over the years I have tried so many things to spice up our sex life - that I look back on it with frustration - all was to no avail. The sad reality is that if a persons heart is cold, then it is cold - that is life.

I too feel that at times I have created an environment which provides my partner with all of what they need and as such they have become complacent with this. Shame as I had always hoped they would have appreciated it - maybe even rewarded it

Even today that I am typing it is in part my way of looking at sites for answers to this issue in hope that maybe I can find the answer. Sadly I think I already know the answer, but somehow having difficulty accepting the reality.

I wish you better luck.