Libido enhancers for woman and open relationship advi

[icepicknz]

Hi,

I'm from new zealand and after a little advice as it would appear this form has a number of readers from all walks of life and it's always good to get different types of opinions.

My partner of 4 years has always had a low libido, I've tried getting her a few different enhancers but they don't seem to work, so this leads me to my first question, has anyone found any that work?

She went off the pill about 4 months ago as we had a huge fight and nearly broke off the engagement, i'm not saying sex is the only thing on my mind, but hey, us men do need it. Since being off the pill she seems to be a little more fun, however I'm still unsure if she's just being fake to keep the relationship going or if she really does enjoy it.

When we first got together we had sex like rabbits for the first year, we bought our first vibrator about a year into the relationship, since then I have spent thousands of dollars getting new toys and stuff to try spice things up, many of which she hasn't tried or just isnt keen on trying. The original vibrator seems to be her favourite, with the exception of a toothbrush adaptor we purchased about 2 years ago but she hasnt used for nearly a year.

This week I purchased the Eroscillator and have it stored in my draw next to the bed, I havent told her about it yet as I dont know if she wants to use it and I rather she be wanting sex than me trying to find things to make her want to orgasm.

I've always been an honest person and have never cheated, I say when someone looks hot and do perv a little . About 2 weeks ago, she said she wanted to sleep with one of our friends, just for fun because she had been 16 when we first met, even though she had had a few partners before me, she wanted to experiment with other people and learn new things. There is another guy that is in Australia and she met him in fiji 5 years ago, they had sex on a roof in fiji and she enjoyed it, she wants to sleep with this guy again too.

Why is it she doesn't want to try new things with me, she gets angry if I touch her fanny while watching tv (just a comfort thing by putting my hand on it) or if I do anything sexual in public, like touch her boob while hugging or something.

Why is it she's willing to have an open relationship and sleep and try things with other people, but she doesnt want to try stuff with me?

Hey I'm keen on the open relationship thing (it will more than likely take me longer to find someone than her) but at the same time I've become emotional for once in my life wondering why she doesnt want to try stuff with me but rather other people.

Thanks in advance for your comments

[Summzie]

This isn't a nice question, but it's one that needs to be asked...

Does she still fancy you?

[WhiteTrash]

You really have to ask her this, we can only guess.

My opinion, open relationships work but only if you still have sex together as a couple. Otherwise you're just together for convenience.

[speshul ed]

as the ex of a kiwi... i will add my own ideas and comments...

for the first 5-7 years i thought our sex life was growing and going great.. then i noted a difference in us... the more i tried to expand the experience, it seemed the more dirty she felt... and found she hated herself for liking the experience... as if her relegious upbringing was causing an anomoly in herself... the more sex she liked, the dirtier she felt about herself...

i tried to introduce her to this idea, but she wuld hear nothing of it... and the more i tried to help expand her thoughts, the more introverted she looked and became...

i too used to lok upon girls as " dirty " or " bad " after i had had sexual congress with them in any way... i attribute this reaction to being told at age 6 after being caught playing doctor with a girl that " good little girls don't do that "... in other words... i was making them dirty by trying to plase them... this is a terrible anomoly for the mind to comprehend , let alone grasp... took me over a dacade to remove this subconscious thought from my brain, but i did... took me another decade to become " normal "again .. or what some call normal...

hope this small look into my world can offer some help in your's...

[icepicknz]

Yes we do love eachother, we still have sex, but she just wants to try things with other guys as she's never had a one night stand. It's not really an open relationship, but she wants to experiment with othr guys... The problem I have is why wont she do it with me?

When I ask her about her fantasy she says she has none, when I ask what she wants to do with these guys she likes, she says just have sex, nothing special, but still i'm confused.

[speshul ed]

you may wish to see if she has a " floating cervix "... this condition tends to pull the urethra inside the vaginal opening, and causes you to rub against her pubic bone, this can cause extreme pain as the only nerves in the vagina are in the opening, there are only three... they work hard, no pun intended, but they are the only ones... the rest are attached to other functions around the organ... the gspot is the miscle group copntrolling the bladder, the cervix is a part of the birth canal, etc...

also:

love may not be enough buddy... speaking as a divorced man i can only say one thing about my ex... she figured out how to make us both happy... she asked me to go away... i was not her first, but i was her first orgasm with someone else in the room...

she also said she had no fantasies... her interest in sex was there, but it was never discussed nor talked about in any way... as if her inhibitions and upbringing kept her from wanting to feel like " one of those girls "... i say this without any kind of judgement, as i feel there is no such thing as " those girls "... there are women and there are men...

there is an old saying " if you love something set it free " ?... perhaps if you truly do love her, you will allow her her freedom... and " if it comes back, it's your's , if it doesn't, it never was " ... give her what she wishes, let her try things in the real world... and see what comes of it...