anyone NOT want children?

[Guest]

I got 3 kids................................................................................................................you can have them if you want!

[Guest]

I do want them, someday. Too young just now!

Can I ask why you want them?

why are you sooooooo scared?

[Taxingperson]

I do want them, someday. Too young just now!

Can I ask why you want them?

why are you sooooooo scared?

Yes, I don't want them because they cost an absolute fortune and are a huge responsibility for a very long time. These days its hard enough trying to pay off student debt, save and be able to afford a house and be able to invest in a decent pension for when you retire without a millstone of your own making around your neck too.

There is massive job insecurity now compared to our parents generation such that you cannot know that you are going to be employed for the next 25 yrs and therefore be able to pay the mortgage let alone support a child.

Furthermore, I like my life to be ordered, structured and planned to the last detail. The idea of a little brat rampaging about destroying everything in its path would drive me insane. I guess I just don't have any parental instinct.

[sweet girl]

I guess I just don't have any parental instinct.

What makes u say that?

[Guest]

I do want them, someday. Too young just now!

Can I ask why you want them?

why are you sooooooo scared?

Yes, I don't want them because they cost an absolute fortune and are a huge responsibility for a very long time. These days its hard enough trying to pay off student debt, save and be able to afford a house and be able to invest in a decent pension for when you retire without a millstone of your own making around your neck too.

There is massive job insecurity now compared to our parents generation such that you cannot know that you are going to be employed for the next 25 yrs and therefore be able to pay the mortgage let alone support a child.

Furthermore, I like my life to be ordered, structured and planned to the last detail. The idea of a little brat rampaging about destroying everything in its path would drive me insane. I guess I just don't have any parental instinct.

planned to the last detail? that's scary.

[Guest]

it's like you are scared of everything.

[sally]

There is never a right time to have kids. if you are going to sit and worry about how you will afford them nobody would ever have them. You just get on with it and do the best you can.

[Taxingperson]

I guess I just don't have any parental instinct.

What makes u say that?

I say that because I have come to the conclusion that wanting children or not is instinctive. Like you - you said that you want to have children because you want to be a mum and can't imagine your life without being a mum. That's not a logical thought out position, its an instinctive feeling/desire.

Similarly, although I have said that I don't want children because of the cost and responsibility etc (which is all true), I am equally sure that if I had an illogical instinctive desire to have them I would irrespective of the cost and responsibility. I just don't have that. I've never imagined children being part of my life.

It might be my life experiences to date - there are people I know who are similar to me in a lot of ways who don't have children and hence my role models in life have been in relationships where children are not important. I socialise with a lot of people who don't have children and have now reached an age where having children is no longer an option and yet they are out enjoying life etc. Consequently, I don't see that having a child would enrich my life.

[Guest]

I've got one...I really shouldnt have had one!!...I love him but I'm not good at being a parent...he feels more like my younger brother...

I cant remember why I had a child in the first place I think it was because I thought it was the 'normal' thing to do...I was too young and immature to make that decision...If I had my time over again I would choose not to have children but that is easy for me to say now because of experiencing having a child!!

This is animal..I cant be bothered to log in!!

[Taxingperson]

I've got one...I really shouldnt have had one!!...I love him but I'm not good at being a parent...he feels more like my younger brother...

I cant remember why I had a child in the first place I think it was because I thought it was the 'normal' thing to do...I was too young and immature to make that decision...If I had my time over again I would choose not to have children but that is easy for me to say now because of experiencing having a child!!

This is animal..I cant be bothered to log in!!

I thought it was you even before you said so

[Taxingperson]

it's like you are scared of everything.

There are certain things I am very scared of because I have seen what they can do (eg redundancy and debt/mortgages - especially if the two go together). As a result I have a sense of priorities that is perhaps not typical i.e. avoid debt if at all possible, if debt is required pay it off asap, save and invest to provide financial security and don't even consider having kids unless all of the above can be achieved first.

[Lyn.D06]

At the age of 24 soon to be 25 I still haven't decided whether I want kids or not. Main reason is that I don't think I would be a very good parent. I can barely look after myself let alone a child. There is no logical reason to wanting kids and I agree it has got to be a built-in instinct.

I was quite maternal as a child playing with my dollies etc and if I see a cute baby or toddler I think "awww" (wee boy on the front of Double Velvet toilet roll pack springs to mind, don't ask me why lol).

Maybe if I gain more confidence in myself I will be more certain....that and finding a good man

[Guest]

it's like you are scared of everything.

There are certain things I am very scared of because I have seen what they can do (eg redundancy and debt/mortgages - especially if the two go together). As a result I have a sense of priorities that is perhaps not typical i.e. avoid debt if at all possible, if debt is required pay it off asap, save and invest to provide financial security and don't even consider having kids unless all of the above can be achieved first.

you're scared of women too, relationships, scared of children.. what else are you scared of?

[Taxingperson]

it's like you are scared of everything.

There are certain things I am very scared of because I have seen what they can do (eg redundancy and debt/mortgages - especially if the two go together). As a result I have a sense of priorities that is perhaps not typical i.e. avoid debt if at all possible, if debt is required pay it off asap, save and invest to provide financial security and don't even consider having kids unless all of the above can be achieved first.

you're scared of women too, relationships, scared of children.. what else are you scared of?

I am not scared of women - just being in a relationship with them because that is not very pleasant in my experience and once you have had a very negative experience it is natural to have a fear of what gave you that experience.

There are lots of things I am not scared of that would terrify the S*** out of others I know (public speaking for example).

Are you seriously saying that you are completely confident about everything because if you are, I don't believe you.

[sally]

I never wanted kids ever.But I now have 2. When i got pregnant with my first son I was married and we both worked. It was a complete and utter shock and I was stunned! But...there is no way I would have had an abortion. My boys are 7 and 4 now. I like these ages as we can have decent conversations etc. They are also very independant and can do lots for themselves.

I always said I would never get married or have kids - I did both. I am glad that I have my boys and that I will have them in my life when I am older.