Been single for over a year

[dreamguy]

Well I've been single for over a year since the end of a 4 year relationship back in January 2007. I must say that I'm in a better position emotionally this year than I was at this time last year.

I'm still not over my ex but I have recovered greatly to where I'm back to normal routine in most cases. I'm not looking for any serious relationship anytime soon and I might just keep it that way since I hardly have any drama or worries in my life.

I feel an incredible sense of freedom being single. I can do whatever I want without worrying about what women think about it since I'm not dating them. Therefore I'm not under their jurisdiction to worry about what they think of me.

I'm actually afraid to start another relationship because I don't think I can handle another broken heart experience. What I went through last year was the worst break up pains ever. I think that fear can sometimes be a good motivator & protector.

My life is so much easier as a single man as I have more money in the bank and very little stress. A year ago I thought I needed a woman in order to have a purpose for my existence. Today I'm actually afraid to get involved with a woman because I will likely get hurt again.

So I hope this fear stays with me. It's better for a man to be afraid of getting too close to a woman than it is for a man to feel like he needs a woman in order to survive. I don't want to see my ex's face or even talk to her because it opens up old wounds.

[jinjin]

Being afraid of women is not really a good thing. It can prevent you from being open and honest, and leave you something to regret. Knowing that you can be happy with your life without a woman would better.

[Verve]

"A year ago I thought I needed a woman in order to have a purpose for my existence. "
I’m glad you figured that out…

Stay single for as long as you need. You do have to get back out there though. I hope that you are still sexually active. If not, it's time....

[dreamguy]

"A year ago I thought I needed a woman in order to have a purpose for my existence. "
I’m glad you figured that out…

Stay single for as long as you need. You do have to get back out there though. I hope that you are still sexually active. If not, it's time....

Who says I have to get back out there? Where do you get the idea that I must go back to dating eventually?

No I'm not sexually active. I'm perfectly happy getting my needs met through masturbation for the rest of my life whether I get into a relationship again or not. I have no desire for women to give me any kind of massages nor oral sex, nor any sex of any form.

Why get back out in the dating scene and add more drama to my life than what is necessary? My goal in life is to eliminate as much stress as possible and if that means being single then so be it.

My life is easier as a single man for the following reasons. 1. There's no pressure on me to change my behavior. I can eat all the junk food I want and gain as much weight as I want. This is my opportunity to backslide on my diet.

I can wear my hair as long as I want it. I don't have to clean the house as often. I can invest more money into a savings account for retirement. I can spend all my free time on the internet.

So I'm not going to get back out there and put myself in a position of being under pressure to change my behavior.

[Verve]

Who says I have to get back out there? I did…

Where do you get the idea that I must go back to dating eventually? Well the idea if I remember is that you should have a partner so they can bear witness to your life.... So it's said.

masturbation works....... excellent choice.....

Why get back out in the dating scene and add more drama to my life than what is necessary? Choose a woman with limited amount of drama... It's hard to do.... so good luck.......

"My life is easier as a single man" .... Come on don't you live for a challenge.

There's no rush to get back out there but you will have to one day...... It's not healthy to spend your life alone. Just find a woman version of you. You'll live happily ever after.....

[dreamguy]

Who says I have to get back out there? I did…

Where do you get the idea that I must go back to dating eventually? Well the idea if I remember is that you should have a partner so they can bear witness to your life.... So it's said.

masturbation works....... excellent choice.....

Why get back out in the dating scene and add more drama to my life than what is necessary? Choose a woman with limited amount of drama... It's hard to do.... so good luck.......

"My life is easier as a single man" .... Come on don't you live for a challenge.

There's no rush to get back out there but you will have to one day...... It's not healthy to spend your life alone. Just find a woman version of you. You'll live happily ever after.....

The chances of finding a female version of myself is less than 0.001%. Even if I did find her I'd still reject her.

Yes even if I was lucky enough to find that woman who would take me without expecting me to change a damn thing about myself I would turn her down. I doubt that kind of woman exists today. I doubt unconditional love exists. If it does I'd still reject it.

[Mr B]

"A year ago I thought I needed a woman in order to have a purpose for my existence. "
I’m glad you figured that out…

Stay single for as long as you need. You do have to get back out there though. I hope that you are still sexually active. If not, it's time....

Who says I have to get back out there? Where do you get the idea that I must go back to dating eventually?

No I'm not sexually active. I'm perfectly happy getting my needs met through masturbation for the rest of my life whether I get into a relationship again or not. I have no desire for women to give me any kind of massages nor oral sex, nor any sex of any form.

Why get back out in the dating scene and add more drama to my life than what is necessary? My goal in life is to eliminate as much stress as possible and if that means being single then so be it.

My life is easier as a single man for the following reasons. 1. There's no pressure on me to change my behavior. I can eat all the junk food I want and gain as much weight as I want. This is my opportunity to backslide on my diet.

I can wear my hair as long as I want it. I don't have to clean the house as often. I can invest more money into a savings account for retirement. I can spend all my free time on the internet.

So I'm not going to get back out there and put myself in a position of being under pressure to change my behavior.

I agree with everything you've said. The amount of people I see in a relationship because they're "supposed" to be in one is unreal. One of my best friends is getting married and you can just tell he's not happy. One of his comments was"well, we've been going out for years, I thiought I'd better ask her"!! wtf is that? Being single you can do all the things dreamguy said, you can come home at night and do what you want. Go on holiday where you want and when you want. The only thing you actually miss is sex, and as everyone knows the excitement of that disappears after a while.

I agree with Verve that if you find the perfect person then its different but I reckon about 1% of people in relationships have found the perfect person, most people put up with their other half because they dont want be alone/scared of being single/cant find anyone better etc. People dont need relationships to be happy.....id say they're the source of peoples misery more often than not.

[dreamguy]

"A year ago I thought I needed a woman in order to have a purpose for my existence. "
I’m glad you figured that out…

Stay single for as long as you need. You do have to get back out there though. I hope that you are still sexually active. If not, it's time....

Who says I have to get back out there? Where do you get the idea that I must go back to dating eventually?

No I'm not sexually active. I'm perfectly happy getting my needs met through masturbation for the rest of my life whether I get into a relationship again or not. I have no desire for women to give me any kind of massages nor oral sex, nor any sex of any form.

Why get back out in the dating scene and add more drama to my life than what is necessary? My goal in life is to eliminate as much stress as possible and if that means being single then so be it.

My life is easier as a single man for the following reasons. 1. There's no pressure on me to change my behavior. I can eat all the junk food I want and gain as much weight as I want. This is my opportunity to backslide on my diet.

I can wear my hair as long as I want it. I don't have to clean the house as often. I can invest more money into a savings account for retirement. I can spend all my free time on the internet.

So I'm not going to get back out there and put myself in a position of being under pressure to change my behavior.

I agree with everything you've said. The amount of people I see in a relationship because they're "supposed" to be in one is unreal. One of my best friends is getting married and you can just tell he's not happy. One of his comments was"well, we've been going out for years, I thiought I'd better ask her"!! wtf is that? Being single you can do all the things dreamguy said, you can come home at night and do what you want. Go on holiday where you want and when you want. The only thing you actually miss is sex, and as everyone knows the excitement of that disappears after a while.

I agree with Verve that if you find the perfect person then its different but I reckon about 1% of people in relationships have found the perfect person, most people put up with their other half because they dont want be alone/scared of being single/cant find anyone better etc. People dont need relationships to be happy.....id say they're the source of peoples misery more often than not.

Yep life is really beating up on many people through their significant other. A significant other is either going to be part of your life's problems or part of your life's solutions.

As far as getting sex while you are single? Well I can still find a friend with benefits if I wanted to pursue that path but I don't.

[dreamguy]

I don't want my ex back but yet I'm still not over her. I don't know how this is possible to feel this way at the same time.

It took me 1 year & 3 months to see the light that we are not right for each other. As much as I still have feelings for her I am letting practicality be the basis for my not wanting to go back.

Going back now would just undo all progress I've made on myself. I've thought about. There's more reasons for me to just finish up my healing process & move on than to try rebuilding the relationship.

By the way my ex has somewhat opened the door for reconciliation. She wrote a comment on my myspace page January 21st 2008 saying the following:

"Our four year relationship was one of the best ones that i have ever been in with any man in my life...I'm also grateful that we have still kept in touch since then.I also want to tell you that i love you **** and i always will. At the time of the breakup i was going through so much turmoil that my head was spinning and i ended up hurting you for no reason..I wish that i had never ended the relationship at all. But in some ways it has made you and myself better people and we're still able to talk about everything just like we did when we were together."

I've been in limited contact with her as friends. I talk to her once every 2 months for like 7-8 minutes. She initiates most of the contact. About 2 weeks ago we both took a relationship quiz on myspace bulletin.

Some of the questions asked "Are you over your ex? she said no. Are you with someone now? she said no. Would you date him/her again? She said "I'd be willing to give it another shot." What was the most memorable event in your life? She said 5 years ago which was the time we met.

When I took the quiz I said I was not over her but that I also don't know if it's really worth rebuilding the relationship. Two weeks have past since then and she has texted me a couple times on my phone but I haven't responded.

I think we work much better as friends who keep in touch on the phone or _ once every 2-3 months or so. It's nice that she's having her regrets about ending things but the damage to my heart & emotions is already done.

If she had confessed her regret about 6-9 months into the breakup (which is 7-10 months ago) then I would have jumped on the chance to be with her. I would have asked her to meet up for coffee.

I need to continue on healing. I'm not ready to meet her face-face as that would just open up old wounds. She's already asked me what was on my agenda for the following weekend the last time we talked.

I'm not about to give myself another opportunity to go through hell with her like I did last year. Let's face it when you decide to enter into a relationship there are only 2 possible outcomes. You either break up or worse you get married. I have no desire to do either one. It would be like picking my poison.

For those of you in a similar situation like mine where the ex is trying to get back in please think about your future.

I don't want to cut my ex out of my life because I think we would function much better as friends down the road but for right now I'm comfortable with a phone call or text message every few months or so.