can a man be a feminist?

[Lena]

i'm not sure which "side" YOU are on. i am an intellegent, rational man. i am an artist who works construction. i am in touch with my emotions but don't wallow in narcisism. i seek out and have had the pleasure of friendships and lasting intimate relationships with strong, independent, bright, creative, articulate women who are warm, loving and both emotionally available and growing. people's lives change. it is a rare relationship that lasts from youth to death. all of the goodbyes that i've experienced, even the most heartbreaking, have been as graceful as possible considering the duress of a split; after all, this is someone you once loved, no? i am NOT, i assure you, someone's "accessory" to be "discarded". nor would i be inclined to become emotionally involved with anyone who felt, acted, or "was taught" to behave in this manner.
i trust you mis-spoke ??

.. You are really a man ?

[Guest]

intelligent

[Guest]

yes. i'm 47 and live in california

[Lena]

You're not really Phil Donahue are you ?

[Guest]

Yes.Feminism, in it's original form, means seeking equality.So, of course a man can be a feminist.It isn't reserved for the women.

[elliott20]

meh, being a male feminist is not really that far fetched. I think equal rights is a great thing... as long as they have to shouler the same burden. That means, on first date, don't expect me to pick up the whole tab.

But yeah, in all honesty, people who cannot stand on their own two feet disgust me, women or men alike. well, except maybe paraplegics since that just can't be helped. But that's whole different thing.

I don't want a girl who has to rely on me to make decsisions for herself. I don't want a woman who wants to be my accessory. Of course, I'm not into the idea of just being another girl's accessory either.

[goodguy]

i'm not sure which "side" YOU are on. i am an intellegent, rational man. i am an artist who works construction. i am in touch with my emotions but don't wallow in narcisism. i seek out and have had the pleasure of friendships and lasting intimate relationships with strong, independent, bright, creative, articulate women who are warm, loving and both emotionally available and growing. people's lives change. it is a rare relationship that lasts from youth to death. all of the goodbyes that i've experienced, even the most heartbreaking, have been as graceful as possible considering the duress of a split; after all, this is someone you once loved, no? i am NOT, i assure you, someone's "accessory" to be "discarded". nor would i be inclined to become emotionally involved with anyone who felt, acted, or "was taught" to behave in this manner.
i trust you mis-spoke ??

I suppose there are exceptions to all things (I say that often). And I suppose that if you are such a wonderful man, then some very lucky girl will one day find you, see you for what you are, that your are a match for her, that you measure up to a standard she has set, that you compliment her (lifes) agenda and decide you are a keeper. However, too often it is not the case. I am determined that the women in my life understand this. I have seen too many broken women in my life time (begining with my mother), I recognize it as a cycle that perpatuate's itself. and I am determined for whatever it's worth the buck stop here. My daughters will NOT be inferior to any man.

[Guest]

I just have to say that I despise a chauvinist man, I despise a woman beater, control freaks and playboy wannabe's (womanizer) while on the other hand I also despise the spinless, gutless, the selfish, needy, jealous and insecure man. It's my opinion that a lot of men (if not most) have no business being in a relationship with a woman.

You sure admit to despising men. Sure, there are plenty of self-hating men, so a man can be a feminist.

I will teach my daughters to strive for higher education, self reliance and being independant (in need of no man), to have self respect (to love who and what they are). I will teach them that men are just accessories to be discarded if they don't match or measure up.

Men or women who hate and have such little respect for men but insist that women be treated with supreme respect are feminists. You are a sexist man-hater, definitely a feminist and it's nothing to be proud of. I don't know if you are male or female, but in either case you are no man.

[Guest]

You say you have five daughters. What happened? Do you and your wife abort a child when it's determined that he is male? Considering how you despise males so much, I wouldn't doubt it. Or did someone systematically drown all of your male children like Andrea Yates did? I'm sure a feminist would find a way to justify that too.

[Guest]

Does being a feminist mean being so biased that you ignore the fact that men love and have higher respect for women than men, and you decide to paint all or most men as being like your allegedly lousy father. Is it possible that you are really like your alleged father, or fear you may be like him, and your slanted view of men is really just a way of denying the fact that you could be worse than most other men? Is your despisement of men a way of convincing yourself that you, as an individual, aren't to blame for your potential treatment of women, but that it's the fault of all men?

Boasting about how men are chauvinists and you are going to train your daughters to discard men like accessories and how you are such an exception, is trying to prove that you are so much better than not only your father, but most men. Your not only trying to prove it to us, your trying to prove it to yourself.

If your father really treated your mother so badly, could it be for a similar reason you think so poorly of most men. Perhaps his mother treated his father badly or abused her sons (most typically from mothers)? If you can justify your hatred of men due to your father's alleged treatment of your mother, then your father could have derived and formed his view of women from close and influential women in his own childhood. Your alleged father was wrong for how he treated his wife, and your wrong for how your treat men, and how you're training another generation to t5reat men. Perhaps, the victims of your daughters will also treat men or their sons badly and color those men's view of women, and you are thereby perpetuating the cycle of hate.

[new guest]

I think men can be feminist. I totally respect women. I really get a kick out of goodguy's wife and her comment about hand washing her tights. What a lucky guy.

[ladolcevita]

goodguy, sure you could call yourself a male feminist i suppose. either way you are obviously a believer in equal rights, which is great! unfortunately, today the label of being a feminist - sort of has negative connotations. to the masses, a feminist seems to be a - "crazy man-hating lesbian woman" - which is SO wrong.

a feminist is just someone who believes in women's rights - in equal rights. you fall under THAT category of feminism. good for you, we need more rational-minded men like yourself! =) your daughters are very fortunate to have such an understanding father who wants them to be educated and self-sufficient. yay for goodguy. hip hip hooray.

[Guest]

You say you have five daughters. What happened? Do you and your wife abort a child when it's determined that he is male? Considering how you despise males so much, I wouldn't doubt it. Or did someone systematically drown all of your male children like Andrea Yates did? I'm sure a feminist would find a way to justify that too.

How dare you, guest who lacks the guts to register, suggest he aborted or murdered any son?

Does being a feminist mean being so biased that you ignore the fact that men love and have higher respect for women than men, and you decide to paint all or most men as being like your allegedly lousy father.

Allegedly lousy father? Is a man who abuses his wife (or any woman) in every way "allegedly lousy"? Or are you suggesting he is lying?

Boasting about how men are chauvinists and you are going to train your daughters to discard men like accessories and how you are such an exception, is trying to prove that you are so much better than not only your father, but most men. Your not only trying to prove it to us, your trying to prove it to yourself.

He is talking about the far end of the spectrum, abusers and users, which are men like you who have a very negative attitude about all women due to being very hurt themselves. Do you have a problem with that? These types are usually the weak ones who feel the need to control women with whatever force is necessary. It sounds like you are one of them, who believes women "deserve it". Newsflash: NO ONE deserves abuse, whether physical, emotional or mental.

If you can justify your hatred of men due to your father's alleged treatment of your mother, then your father could have derived and formed his view of women from close and influential women in his own childhood. Your alleged father was wrong for how he treated his wife, and your wrong for how your treat men, and how you're training another generation to t5reat men.

Is "deriving his view of women" from childhood a justification to abuse? He is teaching his daughters to demand respect and not settle for less. Oooo, that's horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is not teaching them to "hate" men and/or abuse thier sons!!! What's wrong with boys being taught to respect women?

If more parents, especially fathers who have the most influence over daughters, would teach women this, there wouldn't be such a pattern of abuse. It's criminal. And I argue that women are abusers of their sons. If anything, it's usually a strong bond, sometimes to the point of unhealthy, but not abusive!

I believe strongly in equal rights and respect for women. Men who have a problem with that are scared of their own masculinity.

I am definitely not saying women who treat their man badly is any better, but how many cases of that kind of abuse are there? RARE. If anything we are WAY too acomidating, always hoping if they are nice enough, giving enough those types of men will change and love them. That's rampant, look around.

[k9trainingbiz]

BTW that was me, I forgot to log in. I wouldn't want to be a hypocrite and accuse a guest of being a coward and not say who I was.

[elliott20]

now you're just putting words in his mouth and making assumptions about him. The problematic phrase was "discarding". I think the problem he had with it was that he thinks goodguy was going to teach his daughters how to manipulate men and use them like they were used condoms. And that mentality could potentially complete a cycle.

Personally, I think it's a good thing Goodguy is teaching his kids to be self-sufficient, strong and independant people. I just don't agree with him wanting to go out of his way to make his daughters the kind of people who will run over a man and not think about it twice simply becaues he's a man.

although, I too found his accusations of Goodguy killing his sons very inappropriate as well. That was really not called for.