Compulsive Liar

[kevlap (us Florida)]

today i went searching the web to find some help with my problem.
i lie.
i lie and hurt people i love.
i do it because i am selfish and i self centered and don't think of the consequences when i am doing something that would not be approved of.

i came on the web to find help. a liars . club or something, i dont really know. and i came across this website and the point of view of all of
your posts really hit me hard.

i was in a relationship for 5 years and it was destroyed by my lying and cheating ways.
i am destroying another relationship of 4 years the same way and as of this point in time, my partner has moved 3000 miles away 6 months ago to start a new life.
he wants to move back here next month, but once again i lied to him a week ago and he has cut me off, wont pick up his phone, or call and says he hates me and that he no longer wants me in his life.

i am genuinely sorry i keep hurting him, but i don't want to be without him and i don't want to be with him still lying. it caused so many arguments, fistfights, etc.. because of my lies, he was cheating on me, abusing drugs and lying to me all the time too. we were killing our relationship.
all of this makes me sad and depressed.
i love him with all my heart and he is my soul mate. i am scared and i am ready for change, but i don't know how.
i have told lies my entire life, hiding my sexuality, my feelings, my friends, etc...
i came out to my family and friends because of him, i didn't want to make his life harder. he had always been out to people and hiding wasn't something he wanted to do. My life has actually been better because i chose to do this.
He is very angry, and i cannot blame him, i deceived him and hurt him. made him paranoid and made him question his sanity. we ended up really hurting each other bad. i don't know if i can piece this relationship back together again. He doesn't want contact with me, all i can do is try.

please feel free to express your thoughts on this post...
i am sorry for everyone that has gone or is going through this...

[kimsebox@aol.com]

kevlap,
My heartfelt advise to you is to get professional help. I just left a seven year relationship with a liar and he has caused me a lot of emotional hurt. More than I can even desribe. There is one thing I know for certain however, and that is that HE will never have a full and satisfying life. The reason is because if you are always "on guard" and you can't be "truthful", you'll never get to really experience true love, compassion and intimacy. Try to image your life without lies and how easy it would be. Maybe you lie to make yourself appear "better" whatever that is to you. But trust me, I'm sure the real you is something wonderful. You just need to have the trust in yourself and others will also. Don't waste your life, live it fully and honestly. One last thing, because you lie, I'm guessing you find it hard to trust other people as well?? Is that really how you want to live your life??

[Guest]

Some people on this forum have repeatedly posted that a compulsive liar can never change. That people living with them should get out now because there is no hope. If that is so, then why do we let prisoners get out of jail EVER? Is it just overcrowding?

People change. Sometimes they have to hit the bottom rung before they realize who they hurt with their destructive behavior. People they love and who love them.

It's a decision. Make it. Try it. Tell the truth once when you're sure it's going to hurt someone and see how fast they are able to deal with it on an honest level, because when a lie is found out, WHAT you lied about is not near as big an issue as the fact that you deceived someone you cared about. Mostly, that cared about you.

I've lived it.

[Guest]

By definition, a liar who can change and stop lying is not a compulsive liar.

[Guest]

Okay, in other words, one with an Obsessive Compulsive disorder cannot be helped? How about the behavioral therapy these people are treated with? (Check it out) Are you saying that one should just acknowledge that they are "sick" and so be it. Can't change that!

Lying is a decision. You have to think it through. It can be changed. Murdering is a decision. It can be changed. Thieves change. Hey, even freaking child molesters are let out of prison and given a chance again.

Sounds like you've made up your mind. Let the liar go and move on. With an unforgiving attitude like yours, you'll just attract another...and another... and another....

[Guest]

Okay, in other words, one with an Obsessive Compulsive disorder cannot be helped? How about the behavioral therapy these people are treated with? (Check it out) Are you saying that one should just acknowledge that they are "sick" and so be it. Can't change that!

Lying is a decision. You have to think it through. It can be changed. Murdering is a decision. It can be changed. Thieves change. Hey, even freaking child molesters are let out of prison and given a chance again.

Sounds like you've made up your mind. Let the liar go and move on. With an unforgiving attitude like yours, you'll just attract another...and another... and another....

Liar.

[Guest]

Liar.

moron

Your turn goob.

[Guest]

Liar.

moron

Your turn goob.

amına koydugumun evladı o gotunu sikerim senin anası saksocu babası kerhaneci

[Guest]

Liar.

moron

Your turn goob.

am?na koydugumun evlad? o gotunu sikerim senin anas? saksocu babas? kerhaneci

yeah, that's what I thought.

[Guest]

Okay, in other words, one with an Obsessive Compulsive disorder cannot be helped? How about the behavioral therapy these people are treated with? (Check it out) Are you saying that one should just acknowledge that they are "sick" and so be it. Can't change that!

Lying is a decision. You have to think it through. It can be changed. Murdering is a decision. It can be changed. Thieves change. Hey, even freaking child molesters are let out of prison and given a chance again.

That's reasonable.

[Guest]

Lying. Maybe the wrong thread, but doesn't it just crack you up when a man's mistress complains that he is lying to her and is so surprised!? The only way he can see her is to out and out lie to his wife, kids, job and family, but she thinks that the *only* person he doesn't lie to is her?

Sorry, just read a blog on another site and she (the slut) has just "had it up to HERE" with his lying to her, but she's going to give him ONE MORE CHANCE.

[Guest]

Liar.

moron

Your turn goob.

pousti...tsibouklou....kolopedo...

[Guest]

We ususally say Herna kuka polin Lama lege lidan loort pa...emora bea gudsen.

Loort pa tu torto.

[Desperate Lee]

Hi im 16 yrs old and iv been a compulsive lier 4 about a year now!! throughout the year my lies have lost me so much!! and only now it is starting to kick in the consequences of ym actions...i have lost the one boy i truely was in love with, my best friend, and the trust of both my parents!! i want to stop so much to get my boyfriend back and my best friend please i am in desperate need of help!!! any advice on how to stop and get them back reply asap!!!

[Guest]

How about deciding to QUIT LYING and then DON'T LIE ANYMORE.

The good thing is that at the young age of 16 you have already realized the devastation a good lie or two can do to those you love. You're already years ahead of the game.

How about admitting to THEM that you know what you did and you want to stop and you're sorry and understand that they don't trust you but ask for one more chance to show them you will not lie? THEN QUIT LYING.

It's not a fricking disease that you don't have control over. You have to consciously think of something convincing to pull it off. Then you have to keep remembering the lie just in case it comes back. That's how I always got caught. Damn, remembering the truth over the years is MUCH easier than remembering what lie I told.