Compulsive Liar

[Gel403]

I came across this site and was hoping for some support and understanding. I have been married for almost 6 years and my husband is a compulsive liar. We are in the process of seperating because i can't live with it anymore and i believe he doesn't want to change, how can he, he doesn't realise he's got a problem. He says he loves me, but if he does then why can't he stay and sort things out, why did he have to start out our relationship on lies? He'll never know how much he's hurt me. As i said, the lies started from day one, obviously i didn't know at the time, but over the years i've caught him out hundreds of times. You have to be really clever to lie, afterall you need to rememer what you've said and my husband isn't very clever, either that or i've become clever at finding out about his lies.
The lies he's told are mostly lies about me,that he's told my family and friends (not that i have many) Lies to make me look like some kind of bad person, while making himself look like someone who has a hard life. I suppose i've always known that he was telling stories about me, but it's only been this occassion that i decided that i'd had enough. I don't have a high self esteem and i think that's what he's picked up on and abused it. I can't bear people to not like me ( i know i can't be liked by everyone) and he's used that to gain points against me. I honestly believe that he wanted and expected my family to turn against me as i was some kind of bitch and gave him such a hard life. Unfortunatley for him it didn't work in his favour, but then i've lost out as well, as i've lost the husband i loved so much and would have done anything for. And while i'm writing this i can't hold back the tears any more. Why are there so many people in the world that think it's ok to mess with peoples weaknessess and downfalls. I know i have my own issues and faults, but i'm not a bad person, all i wanted was for the man i love to love me back in the same way.Is that too much to ask for? Instead he threw all my feelings back in my face like they mean nothing to him. That's something else about complusive liars, they are cold people, who show no emotion, certainly my husband.
I feel so alone and although i now know there are lots of others in my position it still makes it hard to get through each day.
Today is the day he's moving out and i really don't know what to expect and where my life is going next. My dream is that he'll realise what he's lost and get the help he needs and come running back to me, but i think deep down i know i'm not important enough to him, to make the changes he needs and so i'm on my own again.

[guest777]

presumably- you would know if you were living with a compulsive liar

OR could they be one and hide things and still tell the truth now and again

[Gel403]

presumably- you would know if you were living with a compulsive liar

OR could they be one and hide things and still tell the truth now and again

you probably wouldn't know they were compulsive liars at the beginning of a relationship, why would you have reason to doubt them, you don't really know them, but the lies soon start to show. And they could definatley be one and tell the truth occassionally. I think you would know in your heart whether or not you're living with a compulsive liar

[sky78]

I am very greatful for this forum. I have recently found out that my parnter has been lying to me. It all started with small white lies exactly like most of you have written. Then the bigger ones, where he would come home from work and say how amazing he was and that his boss gave him a huge bonus that I never saw. It seems to me that it may be a low self esteem issue and that he needs to exaggerate the truth to help this. I am relieved to hear that others are going through a similar thing and I am not crazy. Yesterday he received a call from "someone at his work" I could tell he was lying so I confronted him. He said I was paranoid and that he "is over my jealousy and untrust and it is over" I was relieved slightly and said ok. I wanted to see his phone and he said fine though kept diverting and accusing me of all of these different things. Then the truth finally came out(well I am sure part of) that it was a girl who was persuing him and he wanted nothing to do with her though could not palm her off. He admitted to me that he has a problem and he is going to get help to save the relationship, I am at wits end though am committed since he wants to get help. He is a lovely man in between the lies. How do you learn to trust again? Does therapy actually help?

[Guesstar]

It is so great to find a forum like this. I honestly believed I was alone out there- that no one could possibly understand what I had gone through. My boyfriend's stupid (and pointless) lies about his job, home, life. Months into my relationship (just over a year) I suspected something was up.. little inconsistencies in the stories he told. I started questioning my own sanity.. thinking I was the crazy one. I was called paranoid, intense, clingy and needy. He drained my happiness and energy out of me. It got to the stage where he pretended to be on the phone, pretended to be in his office late at night, pretended to be out with his friends- but I could tell he was sat in his room in his rented house. I discovered he cheated on me too. This horrifies me because I was reluctant to get involved and he was all nice and caring in the beginning, and I started to trust him. When I didn't, and he'd call me paranoid etc, I'd assume he was right, and that I was being paranoid but I wasn't. I'd known this guy for years and now I feel that his whole life and my whole relationship was one big lie. I don't think he'll ever realise how he has destroyed me. I have suffered so much, and not so much as an apology. I am trying to come to terms with why he may have done this, and what makes CL's tell lies. I know he had a very bad breakup with his ex before me (this could well be why) and also he felt that his family were never proud of him, and that they weren't interested in him. Would be interested to hear thoughts and advice....

[Guest]

The only advice is to get out now while you are still young and not married to this man. Once a liar always a liar. The only consolation for you is that it is not your fault. Read about pathological liars. The only way he will stop is when he wants to, and even then the knee-jerk lying syndrome will live with him for the rest of his life. There's plenty of good men out there. Plenty.

[I Feel So Betrayed]

My Mam is a Compulsive Liar, she had hurt so many people in the past and I seem to be the only one that has stood by her through thick and thin, there's far to many things for me to go into over the years but the latest lie is that she has Cancer of the lung and is starting her chemotherapy this week, I've also found out this week that she has been telling people that my Brother was my twin and he died when he was 14 due to cerebal palsy. My brother is very much alive and kicking and we we are not twins. I'm totally at breaking point. The lie wasn't told to me but was told to a member or our family and I finally confronted her this week. I don't know what else to do, the lies aren't little..these are big whoppers, and they really hurt people. All I've done is cry for the last 3 days and I don't know where to turn..I've told her that I'm wiping my hands of her this time because enough is enough. Then on the other hand I feel so guilty..I'm trying to protect myself and my family but my husband and I will eventually split up because of the trouble she causes in my home. She knows she's told them because she'll avoid certain questions when certain people are about or she'll ask certain people not to mention certain things in front of others. What can I do...I'm can't eat, I can't sleep and all I want to do is cry. I feel so betrayed by her.

[Guest]

My Mam is a Compulsive Liar, she had hurt so many people in the past and I seem to be the only one that has stood by her through thick and thin, there's far to many things for me to go into over the years but the latest lie is that she has Cancer of the lung and is starting her chemotherapy this week, I've also found out this week that she has been telling people that my Brother was my twin and he died when he was 14 due to cerebal palsy. My brother is very much alive and kicking and we we are not twins. I'm totally at breaking point. The lie wasn't told to me but was told to a member or our family and I finally confronted her this week. I don't know what else to do, the lies aren't little..these are big whoppers, and they really hurt people. All I've done is cry for the last 3 days and I don't know where to turn..I've told her that I'm wiping my hands of her this time because enough is enough. Then on the other hand I feel so guilty..I'm trying to protect myself and my family but my husband and I will eventually split up because of the trouble she causes in my home. She knows she's told them because she'll avoid certain questions when certain people are about or she'll ask certain people not to mention certain things in front of others. What can I do...I'm can't eat, I can't sleep and all I want to do is cry. I feel so betrayed by her.

Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm not sure, if she has this disorder but certainly traits (and avoid Sam Vaknin literature, he's not a Dr).

[Guest]

I have been married to my husband for 8 years , and have put up with plenty of lieing. I just found out today that he was laid off from his job 2 months ago and has been pretending to go to work for 2 months. He was making up lies about this all along...Like< Im at lunch right now, or I'm on my way home from work. I'm not sure I can ever trust him again.

[cl reader]

Me being a CL. recognize this guy/girl is right. Thanks for a really nice post

[Guest]

I have been married for a year, and only been with him for 18 months...when i first met him he said he had his own house but then he had to tell me he actually lived in a caravan because he was too embarrassed and thought i would not stay with him.

On saturday he told me that he is a compulsive liar...how do i trust someone i love who is a compulisve liar..and does anyone have any advice about compulsive liars...i was quite upset when he told me this

I would dump him, not because of his lifestyle, just because he felt the need to lie. If he can't admit he lives in a caravan, then why bother saying anything at all.

[Jengel]

I have been married to what I thought was a great lady for 8 years. I knew she had issues of lying, but it just got worse and worse. She took out loans _ in my name, almost got my daughter kicked out of school, us almost kicked out of our apartment and now she is cheating on me with another girl. She said she lost her engagement ring and filed a false police report on top of it.
when she is confronted she said this is all becuase of me and how critical and intense I am. If it was not for me being on top of things it could be allot worse (thank god its not because I do not think I could handle that.) We also have a 3 year old daughter. I wish she would just leave us alone and fix herself. I will always be here for her, but she just does not care about anything. She clams up whenever we talk. We had gone to counseling for this and our issues but she turned it around to be her foundation for leaving me and getting that sorted out.
She has borrowed money from my family that I cannot pay back and money from her family that they had given to the family, but she spent on whatever "bills" she said they were for. Given that I know all the bills, this was a lie as well. I did not know where else to turn to for help for her. I talked to her family and they saw the light and finally realized there was another side of the story she was giving. Her whole world is crashing around her and I know that kills her. she is throwing away evenyone that loves her and taking in return a few new people or friends that only know the person of the last year they think they know.
I was at the end of my rope until I found this site. I read all threads in one sitting and realize there are many others with this same situation and or struggle. I only hope people are still responding to this board. I live in California and do not know what to do. All I know is my daughter cannot be around this and for my own sanity, neither can I. Please help anyone...........I know this is a female board, but i could not find anything other than this place for support. I do not understand that though.

[Guest]

You are on the wrong board. Try survivinginfidelity. Lots of trolls on here that would sooner laugh at you and chastise you for giving something a shot than try to offer sensible support.

I hope it gets better for you, but I believe until you pack up and walk away, she is not going to get the message.

[Jengel]

You are on the wrong board. Try survivinginfidelity. Lots of trolls on here that would sooner laugh at you and chastise you for giving something a shot than try to offer sensible support.

I hope it gets better for you, but I believe until you pack up and walk away, she is not going to get the message.

This is not about the infidelity, it is about the lying and the problems it has caused. She lies to every person she meets. She has lied to both families, teachers, landloard, counselors, the lawyer she was talking to. She lies to buy time and then lies again. She is not bothered by it at all. Once in a whiel she will shed a tear or two and then just clam up again. Her parents said she has been like this since she was little. The only people that are okay with all this are the ones that the lies have not caught up to yet. For now this is just this new group of friends she has at her job. she has done a 180 in the last few months like she was doing drugs, but I know she is not. Possible ., and she said she started to go a gamblers . meeting. She lies for no reason at all except to make it easy for her to get through the day. It does not help anyone but her. The mess is worse when the truth comes out.

[Guest]

www truthaboutdeception dot com