Compulsive Liar

[Jay1234]

Hi,

I haven't read all the posts yet but am so glad I have found this site where I can share what I have been feeling and going through.
I have been with my boyfriend for two years. At first he started off to be the best boyfriend a girl could dream of, he preached love loyalty and respect. As time went on he started to become more and more paranoid about my past relationship...even though there was no reason to. He didn't like it that I once text my ex's sister just a simple happy birthday or that I had used a bag that my ex had bought. I paid severly for this and begged, cried and pleaded, promising to do anything to make him see that it's him I love and want, nothing and no one else.
Lately I have been slowly discovering a whole host of little little lies, he lied about going away on holiday with his mum but I found pictures of him with his cousins there aswell, when I had asked him before he got angry saying I question him too much and never believe him - my suspicions were correct though.
I have caught him on facebook three times now, he made me get off there but has secretly been on there himself.
He has lied about so many little insignificant things, I am thinking does he do that because he has felt hurt over me texting my ex's sister and using the bag. He says he loves me and really wanted it to work but after discovering his lies I confronted him. Instead of admitting and apologising, he accused me of checking up on him and went mad at me, I think he uses that approach to divert away from the real issue - the issue of him lying.
I have banked everything on this one guy, I can't see my life without him.
This all happened last night and he has turned off his phone and it pretty much is final that we have broken up.
I feel like such a mess, just want him to call me and explain why he lies and tell me he wants things to work.
Why do I want him after knowing he lies, why am I so weak?!
I feel so depressed and low right now, life will be so empty without him. I wish he never changed from when I first met him

Men are always going to be sneaky and you never know whether they are lying or cheating. It's an issue of trust, just don't marry a man you don;t trust or at least sign a pre-nup before hand. It would be nice if there were men who didn't have porn addictions or problems with sincerity.

So since this post we have been talking and meeting up and have slowly worked things through and are back together - however I have discovered potentially another huge huge lie - he has told me has been working in London for the past 3months but I have seen pictures of him working in Midlands. His uncle is ill so he has kept a running story that he will vist his uncle eveyday after work (just so he doesn't need an excuse to avoid meeting me because he can't - I'm in London!) If he works where he says he does in London, well that's 10mins away from me - yet for 3months we have never once met after work. He always has excuses like he is working til late or he has to go to see his uncle in hospital.
I know he isn't cheating on me as we met this weekend and stayed out the night and I even gave him a love bite (sorry for the details!) on his neck and he was completely fine about it.
I think he could be lying because I always said to him if he worked far then I wouldn't be able to handle a long distance relationship...but at the same time, lying about it doesn't make it any better!
I don't know what to do, whether to confront him and say I have seen pictures of him outside London (by the way these pictures were taken on a day he said he was definately in London and I have his texts on my phone to prove) or whether to carry on pretending I know nothing - but that's proving really hard.
I just want to get my head around his lies and why he is doing it - I wouldn't even mind if he just said yes he has been working there - but why lie and continuously keep lying to cover it up...using his uncles illness is really messed up!
Any advise?? Am so confused! My friend said I should turn up to Midlands where I know he is staying (with his flatmate he stayed with at uni) But I don't know if this will be a good idea...any suggestions??

Leave the looser. There are so many better men out there. I know you are going to ask "where?" But they do exist somewhere not quite sure where though.

I can't bare to leave him - we've been in this for two years. From the start we both had the same intentions which were to get married. He is perfect in everyway I just feel like maybe I am the one to blame - he hates the fact that I had a past relationship or can#t rmember in as much detail. I think he tries to pick meaningless arguments with me....to bide time and to divert the attention away from what he is possibly doing wrong.
It's so sad that he believes he can play me for a complete mug like this and thinks I will never know. At the same time, I know he doesn't mean no harm....maybe he did this because he was scared of letting me down or disappointing me....I just don't know what to do.

[Guest]

I can't bare to leave him - we've been in this for two years. From the start we both had the same intentions which were to get married. He is perfect in everyway I just feel like maybe I am the one to blame - he hates the fact that I had a past relationship or can#t rmember in as much detail. I think he tries to pick meaningless arguments with me....to bide time and to divert the attention away from what he is possibly doing wrong.
It's so sad that he believes he can play me for a complete mug like this and thinks I will never know. At the same time, I know he doesn't mean no harm....maybe he did this because he was scared of letting me down or disappointing me....I just don't know what to do.

Sounds like my ex. He was a complete utter nob. The biggest bell end this country has ever spawned. Leave, before he drags you down into a life of hell.

[Guest]

I've been in my relationship for a year and a half and my boyfriend has lied to me on adn off from day one. First he told me he was divorced, when he was really in the process of divorce. Then he'd tell me he was going to the doctor when it turns out he didn't. Of course he's lied about financial stuff too-returning a joint layaway purchase and collecting the money then denying he did it all the way up to the store clerk showed his signature on the sales recipt cancelling the layaway. Recently, he lied about loosing my engagement ring and money he had stashed away in a safety deposit box due to Chapter 7 seizure. He can be honest with the government/law, but not with me? I don't understand, except that it's all fear based and I can totally relate with all these postings; because you all understand. From the beginning I have confronted his lies, set boundaries, consequences and demanded he get into counseling/therapy for this unhealthy/dysfunctional behavior~ all with no avail. He never admits he is a compulsive lyer, only after severe pressure from me/confrontation does he finnally crumble and "spill the beans". My fmily hates him becuase of the lies and has issued me ultimatums- I dump him or they won't speak to me. It's miserable to go through this, but I really love him and beleive that his behavior is NOT about me, but something much deeper and mostly about fear. I know it's his stuff & that I can't change him, but I can't live with this either-so there lies my quandry. After I find out about another lie, I wind up loving him & soothing his pain, then I feel resentful and hurt and the inner termoil begins. I have never dealt with anything like this before (compulsive lying). I understand addiction/ codependancy/adult-child stuff/etc., but I don't know what the proper treatment for this would be? Looking for more info as to whether this is really treatable and if I can even look at the future with him. Thanks for listening.

This happened to me aswell, but it was far far more sinister. I've had several people come up and admit what a black sheep and lowlife the man really is and have had to work harder than anyone else to prove it. Alot of people have ended up with egg all over their face because they believed his lies. We're not talking run of the mill lies, but the worst kind of lies you could possibly imagine and everyone I know has come to the conclusion, that he is sick. You have be really strong and fight the deceit, because men like this tell so much lies they drag people down with them, it can get around to work colleagues and people you don't even know, they can spin it so big, but at the end of the day, you have to stick in there and let in backfire in their faces. The truth always comes out in the wash and it can be glorious indeed, when all the nasty smeg ends who believed it are revealled to be what they truly are. Loads of people offered to dangle this man over a bridge for me, and I declined because I knew that ONE day, the truth woudl be known what a KHANT this man is

[Guest]

[billinda]

And I thought I was the only one who has had experience of this type of man!

I finished a relationship in September last year after finding out that my partner had got another woman pregnant whilst living with me. He now says that we were not in a relationship, I was just living in his house as a lodger. This man owes me money, will not let me collect belongings from his house, despite a solicitor being involved. I always knew he was a liar. Over the 12 years of our relationship he lied about being married, seeing other women, and all sorts of seemingly unimportant things, and I just believed him because I had such low self esteem. Now I know better. My life was so comfortable, because he earned so much money, but I now realise that he just buys people. He buys the affections of his children because he was an absent father when they were little.
Many times I think I should have just "put up and shut up", but my self respect told me otherwise.
I would say to anyone that if you think someone is lying, then they probably are. Trust your instincts. Mine were right but I just ignored them.
It's so difficult but the truth always comes out in the end and maybe it's better to get it over and done with and get on with the rest of your life.

[Guest]

And I thought I was the only one who has had experience of this type of man!

I finished a relationship in September last year after finding out that my partner had got another woman pregnant whilst living with me. He now says that we were not in a relationship, I was just living in his house as a lodger. This man owes me money, will not let me collect belongings from his house, despite a solicitor being involved. I always knew he was a liar. Over the 12 years of our relationship he lied about being married, seeing other women, and all sorts of seemingly unimportant things, and I just believed him because I had such low self esteem. Now I know better. My life was so comfortable, because he earned so much money, but I now realise that he just buys people. He buys the affections of his children because he was an absent father when they were little.
Many times I think I should have just "put up and shut up", but my self respect told me otherwise.
I would say to anyone that if you think someone is lying, then they probably are. Trust your instincts. Mine were right but I just ignored them.
It's so difficult but the truth always comes out in the end and maybe it's better to get it over and done with and get on with the rest of your life.

I know and people are so rude, they turn around and start blaming you for getting involved with a looser. You have to ignore them and set the record straight and don't take any sh!t from anyone telling you how to conduct your life. If he has your stuff, get it off him. I knew someone like this and he still lies and deceives people today. Some are so deceptive they have their little minions around them kissing their arses. The only way you get them back is to hurt them so badly they never mess with you again, and that sounds harsh, but if someone is lying about you, there is no way anyone should sit back and take it, throw knives in the backs. Liars and slanderers need sorting out, if anyone fu*cks with you, f8uck with them back. They started it afterall.