Dear Louby,
I am begging you to not feel embarrassed about what you have done. My husband, the one whose the liar, has done a heck of a lot more damage than you. Since I last wrote, things have come to a head. He couldn't sleep at night, became increasingly agitated, and very withdrawn. He came home one evening right before Easter and told me that he had thoughts all day long of killing himself. This was not the first time he had those thoughts, but the most serious. He couldn't stop thinking about it. So I ran him to the nearest emergency room where they admitted him to a mental health hospital. He stayed there for two weeks while they adjusted medications to lift any depression and helped him through the humiliation of having to come clean with all his lies. He see, my darling husband, a man that I have trusted for over 15 years, put us in about $30,000 debt by borrowing money from people to compensate his employees for medical, gas, cell phone, and other misc. expenses. If you read previous posts, he started his own business and has a financial partner who makes all the financial decisions. He compensated the employees because his partner wouldn't and he was vying for their attention and appreciation. In addition to the money, I unfortunately had two
breast cycts that needed to be surgically removed. They knew that they were noncancerous, but that didn't stop my husband from telling everybody that I have cancer. He even told people that during surgery they lost me and I had to be revived. I'm walking around going to WalMart and he's telling people I'm recovering from dying. He also rented out a condo and told people he was living there because I'm divorcing him for working to hard in his business. Talk about being slapped in the face. HOWEVER, my husband did none of this intentionally. He did not do it to hurt me or anybody else. He needs help. The reasons that he had been lying more than normal are only beginning to surface. He has a co-dependent personaltiy. He lies when it's easier to tell the truth. He will do anything for the attention and appraisal of a total stranger, even if that means hurting the ones he loves. You sound more like the type of person who hates who you are so you make up a pseudo self to find happiness. You need to realize who you are, like yourself, then work on other relationships. I can tell you firsthand, my husband has lost a lot of friends from this, however, in my opinion, those friends were a dime a dozen. There are a lot of people out there that have forgiven him and are willing to stick around because they think he's worth it. It's better to lose 10 friends and keep one, you know that one is true. I hope you did go to the doctor. If you didn't please do. And DO NOT find shame with what you have done, instead use it as a lesson. I am sure that you are a good person otherwise, this wouldn't be bothering you so much. I never believed in "psych wards" and psychiatrists and stuff, but I'm a true believer now. Don't ever end things. I'm sure your mom and others would rather have you here then not be here. There's a lot of help out there, you just have to ask for it and be patient. Please keep me updated as to how you are doing and if you need any advice, I will be here on the forum. Take care of yourself.
