My Dad Is Cheating On My Mom, Please Help!

[tonksie]

I think my dad's cheating on my mom. I've overheard some of his conversations with one of his old friends from high school who he's started talking to again, and they sound really suspicious. My parents get along okay, they don't hate each other but I doubt they're in love anymore. My mom's living in another state currently due to her job, but they're still married, so it's extremely immoral and disgusting for my dad to do this to her! He keeps lying to me whenever I ask him who he was talking to. I've lost so much of my respect for my dad. But the weird thing is, although he's not a good husband, he's a really caring father who sacrifices a lot for me and my brother. I know he loves us more than his own life. What should I do? I'll feel awkward if I confront him, and I can't even contemplate telling my mother. But I can't just watch him cheat on her! Please help me!

[AmandaG1206]

Why don't you tell your dad what you think you know....and tell him that these thoughts are undermining your respect for him...ask him to at least talk to your mother, even if he can't talk to you.
If he refuses, and you are SURE that something is going on...talk to your mom.

[goodguy]

I have agree with the previous statment. There would be nothing more shocking, sobering, shameful and dampening then to have my teenage daughter, whom I love with all my heart, confront me about an affair. That is, if I were having one. Unless I was a total scum, it would have the effect of tossing ice water on two dogs in heat. I would likely fall to my knees and ask for her forgiveness. But that is my opinion. I believe that the greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother indeed. Just do it sweetheart, if he loves you he will stop. I know I would.

[Ele]

I am dealing with a similar situation. My parents have been together for some 40 yrs. I have lost all respect for my dad, but on the other hand he loves me to death. I can understand them splitting, but there is no need to cheat and disrespect each other. My mom found out and now treats him like trash, so my dad keeps on cheating, so my mom trashes him some more and there seems to be no end to this. I don't really know how to help, and seem to make things even worse. Any suggestions, other than disappearing from the face of the earth?

[goodguy]

I suppose I have to clarify my previous statment. To confront your father with knowledge or suspicion about an affair should be done tactfully and private. Because I believe that once the spouse has knowledge of this, things can get out of control quickly. Once a spouse has been dicovered, who can say what the outcome will be. It has to start with forgiveness (a great deal of it) and at that point the children involved need to stay out of it and let the parents work it out, if it can be worked out. The children need to love and forgive their parents and hope that forgiveness begats forgiveness. Family counciling would be a very good idea at this point.

[Noliving]

Well first off your mom should know of your dad's betrayel. Tell your mom before you confront your farther. You need to get a tape recorder and try to record his conversations this way you have undeniable proof. Than confront him. Just because he sacrifces a lot doesn't mean he shouldn't suffer the consequences of his actions.

[goodguy]

Well first off your mom should know of your dad's betrayel. Tell your mom before you confront your farther. You need to get a tape recorder and try to record his conversations this way you have undeniable proof. Than confront him. Just because he sacrifces a lot doesn't mean he shouldn't suffer the consequences of his actions.

noliving, you you really think your approach is wise? clearly, the girl wants/needs her parents to stay together. how many women out there can actually forgive this type of behaver. the girl wants to give her dad a chance to straighten up and fly right, but doesn't want her parents to split up either. I'm, no not a pro. But i do think that given her obective, she should give her dad that chance (to straighten up) and then if he doesn't. well, then he asked for it.

[sweet_blonde]

I agree with most people, have a word with your father. Explain to him what you have heard, make him realise he's taking a big risk of losing the people that mean most. If he denies this and carries on the way he is doing, confront your mum what you know.

[troubled daughter]

I am 35 y/o who have parents that have been married for almost 40yrs. As of last summer, i started suspecting that my dad was cheating on a woman who attends our church. We all used to be the "happy family that anyone could ask for. Unfortunately, 5yrs ago, my mother suffered a stroke that affected her moods, and physical abilities. After that, things starting going downhill. My parents constantly argued alot, and did'nt seem to get along. My mother yrs ago, caught my dad talking to his "lady friend' from church. He denies the call being anything personal. Over the next several years, my mom grew in a deep depression, and my sister and i could'nt fiqure out why. We had to hospitalize her several times for depression. After doing a lot of thinking, I found out where this "woman friend" lived, and decided to ride by her house one night. My worst suspicion came true. Sure enough, my father's car was seen parked behind her house one evening, on a night when my mom was in the hospital. My sister and i have been in distraught ever since. Today, my father lies all the time about his whereabouts, but i know where is really is. The problem is, my mom is now in a nursing home, and still has severe depression. We are praying that she pulls out of it, and she never mentions my father seeing anyone. Part of me feels that deep down, she knows what's going on and is keeping it inside causing her depression, but nevers mentions her feelings to my sister and i. I too, have lost all respect for my father. amd feel lots of hatred towards him. I'm scared to confront him, because, i'm afraid that it will blow our family apart if the truth comes out. I want so desparetley to keep our family together, but on the other hand, i can't seem to hold my anger in much longer. i'm also scared what this would do to my mom if she knew everything. She seems to be getting better right now, and i'm afraid of letting out the truth, that could make her sink further in depression. My father has NO IDEA what me and my sister know. What should i do? How do i handle this? This is eating my alive. Any advice would be appreciated. All i want is to try to hold my family together, but don't know how much longer i can hold this in. Please help!

-Troubled daughter in SC

[goodguy]

A family is held together by love and mutual respect. When one of these is lacking then there is very little to bond a family together. Often times the only reason a family stay together (when there is nither love nor respect) is convieniance or fear of the unknown. Men are generaly selfish and selfserving we have a tendancy to equate our relationships with sex. And when that is lacking our commitment to that relationship lacks. We (men) then find it easy to justify an affair as some sort of bandaid or pressure dressing applied to a relationship that does not seem to meet our sexual requirments (keep in mind that most of us men think with our "heads" not necessarily with our brains) thus, sex is a very important factor. Please understand that I do not mean to justify this in anyway (we are not animals after all). However, a man in a weakened state of mind or in need of love (as we may persive it) can find it easy to justify. Having said that. If your father had been demonstrating devotion, consideration (love) and respect toward your mother I would say that his affair does not necessarily mean he is through with your mother and means no harm by his actions. But, if he has become mean and neerotic and unattentive to your mothers needs then why in the hell would you want him around anyway. Your mother, as well as the rest of the family is most likely to be better of without him. The people that care and that matter most to your mother are already there. And in her condition she does need to be subjected to that jackass!

[Girl unloved]

My dad cheated on my mom 3 times and my mom keeps getting back with him she is very stupid but when we tell her she gets pist off.Now shes chooseing my dad over me like one friday i came out half day and she knew cus she asked me and i told her a couple of times and she told me shell be there and she wasnt and it was pooring raining real hard and i live 2 miles from my school and she wasnt home and i had left my keys at home and when she came home she said opps sorry i knew you came out early but i went to get something for your dad instead and now she chooses everything for my dad than me!!!!!!!!! [/quote]

[Guest]

Stay out of it and don't try to understand a relationship that's been going on since before you were born. What's important is that your father (or mother for that matter) love you and care about you. You can't chose your blood relations, you just have to accept them for who they are.

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"Men are generaly selfish and selfserving"

- Speaking for yourself I assume?

[goodguy]

Stay out of it and don't try to understand a relationship that's been going on since before you were born. What's important is that your father (or mother for that matter) love you and care about you. You can't chose your blood relations, you just have to accept them for who they are.

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"Men are generaly selfish and selfserving"

- Speaking for yourself I assume?

Yes! I admit it. No brag, just fact. Keep in mind that the key word here is "generally" and I stand by my statement. I've been there, I've done that, I've witnessed it. Women who recognize this (fault) may be empowered by this knowledge or not. I suppose it's up to the woman. But it behoves us men to make them think otherwise doesn't it?

[Guest]

But it behoves us men to make them think otherwise doesn't it?

Not really. When they think of us (men) as animals slavishly devoted to our bellybuttons and a bit lower, they have no expectations we can't fullfill.

Get a few years on you and you'll discover life is much more wonderful and complex.

[Guest]

But it behoves us men to make them think otherwise doesn't it?

Not really. When they think of us (men) as animals slavishly devoted to our bellybuttons and a bit lower, they have no expectations we can't fullfill.

Get a few years on you and you'll discover life is much more wonderful and complex.

I suppose you may be right. It is easier to take the hiway then the road less traveled. Perhaps it is easier for the dog to stick to the routine he knows best then to try to learn something new. Maybe the status quo isn't so bad after all. Didn't someone once say "to thine own (slavishly devoted) self be true"? I suppose I must agree with you on that point. However, you can hardly call this "go with your flow" approach " wonderful and complex".