Does a potential husband have a right to know?

[Polgara69]

I am only going to answer your questions because I am genuinely interested in whether you are going to answer my question or whether you are just going to use my answers against me.
I was 16 when I met him. He was 18.
I just turned 17 when I got pregnant.
Yes, we used precautions (pill and condom) but due to me being on anti biotics, the pill didnt work. Condoms are not 100% effective unfortunatly. Or maybe HE put it on wrong!
I had been dating him about 6 months. Yes, not very long I know but refer to the above on precautions.
He hit me when 3 months pregnant. In front of my friend. Who subsequently came back that night and packed my stuff and made me go with her. (Thank god). While sorting my stuff out he hit me again shoved me onto a pile of boxes full of books.
As teenage girls who think they are in love do, I attempted contact with him only to find that his bullying nature had come to the fore and never sank back back down.
I ask you again to answer my question without going round in circles. And maybe you can also tell me how it can all be my fault? He had only known me a short time too. It takes 2 to tango and all that. And as I have repeatedly said, I gave him chance after chance to be a father and he f*cked up everytime eventually alienating him altogether.
(And also, how could you confuse me with another poster? I am the only Polgara69 on here as far as I am aware! And I dont do guest posts. Too easily caught out!)

[coolman]

the only women who are partly to blame for being abused by their spouse, are the ones who don't get out of there immediately. Not your fault. Be glad you have a smart friend, otherwise it might have turned into your fault.

[Fred75]

I am only going to answer your questions because I am genuinely interested in whether you are going to answer my question or whether you are just going to use my answers against me.
I was 16 when I met him. He was 18.
I just turned 17 when I got pregnant.
Yes, we used precautions (pill and condom) but due to me being on anti biotics, the pill didnt work. Condoms are not 100% effective unfortunatly. Or maybe HE put it on wrong!
I had been dating him about 6 months. Yes, not very long I know but refer to the above on precautions.
He hit me when 3 months pregnant. In front of my friend. Who subsequently came back that night and packed my stuff and made me go with her. (Thank god). While sorting my stuff out he hit me again shoved me onto a pile of boxes full of books.
As teenage girls who think they are in love do, I attempted contact with him only to find that his bullying nature had come to the fore and never sank back back down.
I ask you again to answer my question without going round in circles. And maybe you can also tell me how it can all be my fault? He had only known me a short time too. It takes 2 to tango and all that. And as I have repeatedly said, I gave him chance after chance to be a father and he f*cked up everytime eventually alienating him altogether.
(And also, how could you confuse me with another poster? I am the only Polgara69 on here as far as I am aware! And I dont do guest posts. Too easily caught out!)

AND you still want your daughter to have sex as a teen?
See... that's the problem with teenagers and birth control.... they think they are smarter because they cant get pregnant!

You were stupid to be having sex at that age PERIOD.
because of your selfishness and immaturity your son was denied a loving father in the house.

All because you THOUGHT you were an adult.
Well... you were not.

[Fred75]

the only women who are partly to blame for being abused by their spouse, are the ones who don't get out of there immediately. Not your fault. Be glad you have a smart friend, otherwise it might have turned into your fault.

But it IS HER FAULT!

She went and had sex with a guy she barely knew!
If she had waited several years before spreading her legs her son would have probably gotten a decent man that wasnt a loser!

But NO... she knew at 16 was was an adult and that HE was the one to father her child!

[coolman]

my posting was on a completely different topic. It wasn't her fault that he hit her.

Just out of curiosity, fred: how old were you when you first had sex? Were you an adult?

I would say at LEAST 70% of the current generation were not. That means, under the standards that you set for the rest of the world, most of us are at fault, even the ones who didn't get pregnant or impregnate someone else.

[Fred75]

Please tell me how I could have done better. And after your comments on the violence dont be so insulting as to suggest I should have stayed with him. Come up with something original please.

[/b][/u]

[Fred75]

my posting was on a completely different topic. It wasn't her fault that he hit her.

Just out of curiosity, fred: how old were you when you first had sex? Were you an adult?

I would say at LEAST 70% of the current generation were not. That means, under the standards that you set for the rest of the world, most of us are at fault, even the ones who didn't get pregnant or impregnate someone else.

How many fatherless homes are out there because of girls spreading their legs for anyone?
How many girls have STD's because of that?

So, yes, society is at fault for empowering children to think they are adults.

And because of that... children like her son have to LIVE with the consequences.
IE... not father to raise them.

[coolman]

Just out of curiosity, fred: how old were you when you first had sex? Were you an adult?

[Fred75]

Just out of curiosity, fred: how old were you when you first had sex? Were you an adult?

Ask all you want.
It's not relevant to doing it RIGHT for the welfare of your children.

[coolman]

Just out of curiosity, fred: how old were you when you first had sex? Were you an adult?

Ask all you want.
It's not relevant to doing it RIGHT for the welfare of your children.

It is relevant, if you are faulting her for something that she did in her past, if you did the same thing in your past.

I believe you will have heard the biblical saying, "let ye without sin cast the first stone". You are not being Christian!

[Polgara69]

the only women who are partly to blame for being abused by their spouse, are the ones who don't get out of there immediately. Not your fault. Be glad you have a smart friend, otherwise it might have turned into your fault.

But it IS HER FAULT!

She went and had sex with a guy she barely knew!
If she had waited several years before spreading her legs her son would have probably gotten a decent man that wasnt a loser!

But NO... she knew at 16 was was an adult and that HE was the one to father her child!

So you are saying that if I had met him at 25 and had a kid with him it would have all turned out rosy? As I said before, he did have another kid with another woman and was a useless father to that boy as well. And he was supposedly older and wiser. And no matter what age you wait to have kids there are no gaurantees that the father isnt going to turn out to be a knobhead. The only way to gaurantee keeping knobheads out of your life is to never have a relationship with a man. Ever. And I think 100 yeasr down the line we can all predict the problems that will cause.
And I never said anywhere that I am teaching my young daughter that it is ok to have sex at a young age. Nowhere. You quote me if I did. I said I hepled my older daughter when she was honest enough to tell me she was having sex so she didnt get pregnant or come down with a dose. (So far she has done ok and she is 21 in a couple of weeks). At the moment my youngest daughter is under the impression that its not ok to have sex until she is at least 35. But of course she is going to be younger. It is naive on my part to think she wont. And when she does I will be there with help. Hopefully she will ask for it. I think it is irresponsible to not help your kids when they are making these decisions. It is not right to turn your back on them and expect them to do the 'right' thing. They are gonna do it anyway. All any decent parent can do is be there when their kids need help.

[Fred75]

the only women who are partly to blame for being abused by their spouse, are the ones who don't get out of there immediately. Not your fault. Be glad you have a smart friend, otherwise it might have turned into your fault.

But it IS HER FAULT!

She went and had sex with a guy she barely knew!
If she had waited several years before spreading her legs her son would have probably gotten a decent man that wasnt a loser!

But NO... she knew at 16 was was an adult and that HE was the one to father her child!

So you are saying that if I had met him at 25 and had a kid with him it would have all turned out rosy?

For YOU... no.
Probably not.
Your track record of picking men shows us you learned nothing.

I only hope you get sterilized so your NEXT child wont lose a father too!

[Polgara69]

How does picking one knobhead (at a young age) and 1 who just wasnt the guy for me give me a track record? Second guy is a nice guy and has been an excellent Dad for my son. So I didnt deprive him of a good father at all. He just wasnt his biological father and he has turned out just fine thank you very much. And only my son lost his biological father. My daughter hasnt lost her father at all. He lives round the corner!

[Fred75]

How does picking one knobhead (at a young age) and 1 who just wasnt the guy for me give me a track record? Second guy is a nice guy and has been an excellent Dad for my son. So I didnt deprive him of a good father at all. He just wasnt his biological father and he has turned out just fine thank you very much. And only my son lost his biological father. My daughter hasnt lost her father at all. He lives round the corner!

Ya... real nice... Daddy lives round the corner and she gets kicked around like a football from one house to another!

Why don't you stick with puppy's and dogs.
That way at least you don't run the risk of teaching more generations that doing it half assed is acceptable!

[Polgara69]

Yeah yeah. To be honest you are boring the crap out of me now with your insistence on blaming me for everything. No mention of the fact that he also shagged someone he barely knew and then made practically no effort with his son when he was born and for a good, ooh, 18 years. Regardless of what you say, I never turned my back on him and always tried to do my best for him. I answered all your questions in the hope that you might come out with something constructive, but no. Your problem is you can only see black and white and, unlike plants, people actually have grey too. You cannot predict how a person is going to act only how they should. But as I said beofre this is not an episode of the Waltons we are living in. I seem to rememebr you posting before esaying that it may be the only excuse you could give a woman for leaving her partner is violence. But even in those circumstances you manage to backtrack.

Just to prove my point.

I'm not after point scoring with you fred, I actually agree with some of your points made on other threads. I am trying to find out if you actually believe that it is allways the womans fault if a child ends up fatherless & to see if you can actually admit that in these cases the father does have some blame & does have to take some responcibilty for his child being fartherless.

Just between you and I... Of course I do.
If this were a mens forum I can just as easily lambaste the gits like I do the tramps here.