Does a potential husband have a right to know?

[Polgara69]

Thanks Coolman. Far from being a mistake my son is the coolest person ever to have lived and I am proud to be his Mum. And I glad that his father had nothing to do with his upbringing because he prolly wouldnt be the best son ever!

And BECAUSE of your decision to have sex with a KNOB HEAD... your son never got to have his father!

YOU f*cked UP YOUR SONS RIGHT TO A GOOD HOME!
instead he got some new dad that banged out his own kids with his mom making him feel second class!

Actually he did, it was his choice to not see him because his father was a complete knobhead, and as for the 'new dad that banged out his own kids with his mom making him feel second class!' hes happier that I met him because he, even though he wasnt his own son, raised him as his own son, so in actual fact he did have a father you prick'.

I will leave that as written cos it was written by my son who most annoyed by fred and his 'comments'. I think we have to leave it at that cos fred is never consistant and I could post some of the things he has posted here which directly contradict what he has posted here.

[Fred75]

Thanks Coolman. Far from being a mistake my son is the coolest person ever to have lived and I am proud to be his Mum. And I glad that his father had nothing to do with his upbringing because he prolly wouldnt be the best son ever!

And BECAUSE of your decision to have sex with a KNOB HEAD... your son never got to have his father!

YOU f*cked UP YOUR SONS RIGHT TO A GOOD HOME!
instead he got some new dad that banged out his own kids with his mom making him feel second class!

Actually he did, it was his choice to not see him because his father was a complete knobhead, and as for the 'new dad that banged out his own kids with his mom making him feel second class!' hes happier that I met him because he, even though he wasnt his own son, raised him as his own son, so in actual fact he did have a father you prick'.

I will leave that as written cos it was written by my son who most annoyed by fred and his 'comments'. I think we have to leave it at that cos fred is never consistant and I could post some of the things he has posted here which directly contradict what he has posted here.

Oh ya!
A small BOY is going to tell his mum anything other than what his mum wants to hear.

Like that's what he needs too... loss of his mums love!

[Fred75]

The fact still stands.... your bad decisions robbed him of his father. PERIOD.

[Polgara69]

Nope, his fathers bad decision (to hit me) robbed him of his father. Please tell me how that is my bad decision? I dont understand. And the fact remains, even tho you cant see or admit it, that some men are just not cut out for fatherhood. Yes, he went on to have another kid with another woman whom he subseqently left. That had nothing to do with me. And as far as my son is concerned I got shot a bad father and replaced him with a good Dad. Ever hear that expression? Any bloke can become a father but it takes a real man to be a Dad. And that is what he has now and even tho my ex husband and I have split he still thinks of him as his Dad and vice versa. And he is not a little boy. He is 18. I remember him well at about 5 before my husband came along when he was in contact with his father. Sitting on the step for hours waiting for a man who very often didnt turn up but refusing to move until late evening, just in case, and then crying himself to sleep that night because once again, he showed him that he didnt give a S***. He worked it out for himself at about 12 and decided himself that he didnt want to see him again. I never slagged his father off to him when he was young. I gave him oppurtunity after oppurtunity to be a good dad to him but he showed in so many ways that he didnt care. And as for maintenence, forget it. You have a go at me because I 'deprived' him of a father? You have said before that violence is actually a good reason to leave your partner. And I did give him chances but he f*cked up every time. Please tell me how I could have done better. And after your comments on the violence dont be so insulting as to suggest I should have stayed with him. Come up with something original please.

[Cambridge]

I was 2 months short of 18. He didnt hit me on the 1st date. I didnt force him to hit me. It was his fault that he was a knobhead. If you ask my son he will tell you that he is glad he has nothing to do with his father. Yes, he did have time with him when he was younger and he showed him what a knobhead he is. Children are children when under the age of 16. I think that covers it. And you didnt answer Zia's question. I would say yes.

Soz, Polagara, I have to side a little bit with hairy back. Who was in the background, influencing your son to have nothing else to do with his father (if that's what happened).

All's fair here. You could be as guilty as he. How are we to determine the difference?

[Polgara69]

I will answer that because it is a fair question. Nobody influenced my son. His father managed to alienate him all by himself. I never slagged him off to him when he was younger. In fact it was only thru reading these posts that he realised he hit me. I had never told him that. I never stopped him seeing him. But there is only so many times you can be let by a parent before even the children give up.

[Sharon den Adel]

Not her child.
Her decision to have sex with a guy she knew nothing about or even had a commitment with!

Her decision as to who she has sex with and when is up to her, and not for you to say.

[Fred75]

Not her child.
Her decision to have sex with a guy she knew nothing about or even had a commitment with!

Her decision as to who she has sex with and when is up to her, and not for you to say.

This is true.
The child's rights NEVER should be considered.
Whether it be the need for a good father or the right to live or die from abortion.
Because SEX is a right and damn the actual consequences of an adult act.

In both cases the rights of the mother rights supersedes everything else.

[MaxtheGaul]

Fred, another bug; grammatical error in output unit.

[Polgara69]

I take it you are not going to answer the question Fred or are you just going to fall back on tired old phrases we have all heard before?

[Fred75]

I take it you are not going to answer the question Fred or are you just going to fall back on tired old phrases we have all heard before?

You mean this Q?

Nope, his fathers bad decision (to hit me) robbed him of his father. Please tell me how that is my bad decision? I dont understand. And the fact remains, even tho you cant see or admit it, that some men are just not cut out for fatherhood. Yes, he went on to have another kid with another woman whom he subseqently left. That had nothing to do with me.

That's easy... you had sex and made a child with a man you alluded to knowing only a short time.
Which means you made an adult decision regardless of the known/unknown capabilities/sentiments of the man you slept with.

IE... you made a decision to do as you feel regardless of the consequences to the son you had.

You made a selfish and childish decision. PERIOD.
A decision your SON had to LIVE with.

Not that you CARED whether or not he had his father.
And don't go on about what a loser his father is.
That''s like going out and buying a 20 year old 200,000 thousand mile car and then complaining about all the maintenance it needs and how often it breaks down!
Well DUH... it s piece of S***... what did you expect?

[Mr A]

I take it you are not going to answer the question Fred or are you just going to fall back on tired old phrases we have all heard before?

You mean this Q?

Nope, his fathers bad decision (to hit me) robbed him of his father. Please tell me how that is my bad decision? I dont understand. And the fact remains, even tho you cant see or admit it, that some men are just not cut out for fatherhood. Yes, he went on to have another kid with another woman whom he subseqently left. That had nothing to do with me.

That's easy... you had sex and made a child with a man you alluded to knowing only a short time.
Which means you made an adult decision regardless of the known/unknown capabilities/sentiments of the man you slept with.

IE... you made a decision to do as you feel regardless of the consequences to the son you had.

You made a selfish and childish decision. PERIOD.
A decision your SON had to LIVE with.

Not that you CARED whether or not he had his father.
And don't go on about what a loser his father is.
That''s like going out and buying a 20 year old 200,000 thousand mile car and then complaining about all the maintenance it needs and how often it breaks down!
Well DUH... it s piece of S***... what did you expect?

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." - Mark Twain


.. Mark Twain has nothing on you aye' Fred

[Polgara69]

Nope, his fathers bad decision (to hit me) robbed him of his father. Please tell me how that is my bad decision? I dont understand. And the fact remains, even tho you cant see or admit it, that some men are just not cut out for fatherhood. Yes, he went on to have another kid with another woman whom he subseqently left. That had nothing to do with me. And as far as my son is concerned I got shot a bad father and replaced him with a good Dad. Ever hear that expression? Any bloke can become a father but it takes a real man to be a Dad. And that is what he has now and even tho my ex husband and I have split he still thinks of him as his Dad and vice versa. And he is not a little boy. He is 18. I remember him well at about 5 before my husband came along when he was in contact with his father. Sitting on the step for hours waiting for a man who very often didnt turn up but refusing to move until late evening, just in case, and then crying himself to sleep that night because once again, he showed him that he didnt give a S***. He worked it out for himself at about 12 and decided himself that he didnt want to see him again. I never slagged his father off to him when he was young. I gave him oppurtunity after oppurtunity to be a good dad to him but he showed in so many ways that he didnt care. And as for maintenence, forget it. You have a go at me because I 'deprived' him of a father? You have said before that violence is actually a good reason to leave your partner. And I did give him chances but he f*cked up every time. Please tell me how I could have done better. And after your comments on the violence dont be so insulting as to suggest I should have stayed with him. Come up with something original please.

Actually, I meant this question as well you know which is why you are avoiding answering it. And surely if I ....
''That's easy... you had sex and made a child with a man you alluded to knowing only a short time.
Which means you made an adult decision regardless of the known/unknown capabilities/sentiments of the man you slept with.
IE... you made a decision to do as you feel regardless of the consequences to the son you had.
You made a selfish and childish decision. PERIOD.
A decision your SON had to LIVE with. ''

....made this decision it goes without saying that he made this decision also. But I wasnt the one who denied my child. Ever. He did.
But anyhoo, answer the question. You cant can you, cos it means contradicting yourself.

[Fred75]

Nope, his fathers bad decision (to hit me) robbed him of his father. Please tell me how that is my bad decision? I dont understand. And the fact remains, even tho you cant see or admit it, that some men are just not cut out for fatherhood. Yes, he went on to have another kid with another woman whom he subseqently left. That had nothing to do with me. And as far as my son is concerned I got shot a bad father and replaced him with a good Dad. Ever hear that expression? Any bloke can become a father but it takes a real man to be a Dad. And that is what he has now and even tho my ex husband and I have split he still thinks of him as his Dad and vice versa. And he is not a little boy. He is 18. I remember him well at about 5 before my husband came along when he was in contact with his father. Sitting on the step for hours waiting for a man who very often didnt turn up but refusing to move until late evening, just in case, and then crying himself to sleep that night because once again, he showed him that he didnt give a S***. He worked it out for himself at about 12 and decided himself that he didnt want to see him again. I never slagged his father off to him when he was young. I gave him oppurtunity after oppurtunity to be a good dad to him but he showed in so many ways that he didnt care. And as for maintenence, forget it. You have a go at me because I 'deprived' him of a father? You have said before that violence is actually a good reason to leave your partner. And I did give him chances but he f*cked up every time. Please tell me how I could have done better. And after your comments on the violence dont be so insulting as to suggest I should have stayed with him. Come up with something original please.

Actually, I meant this question as well you know which is why you are avoiding answering it. And surely if I ....
''That's easy... you had sex and made a child with a man you alluded to knowing only a short time.
Which means you made an adult decision regardless of the known/unknown capabilities/sentiments of the man you slept with.
IE... you made a decision to do as you feel regardless of the consequences to the son you had.
You made a selfish and childish decision. PERIOD.
A decision your SON had to LIVE with. ''

....made this decision it goes without saying that he made this decision also. But I wasnt the one who denied my child. Ever. He did.
But anyhoo, answer the question. You cant can you, cos it means contradicting yourself.

OK.
But just to make sure I haven't got my facts confused with another poster..

At what age did you get pregnant?
How old was he?
How long had you dated this guy?
Did he hit or attempt to or hit you in the second month/date or something?

[FFFCaroline]

Yes. he definately should know...Keeping something like that hidden could destroy the marriage down the line...An innocent statement by a friend about what happened thinking he already knew could be devestating.....

It would probably haunt me not telling him.....You are starting out the marriage on a lie and where do you go from there....