how did you get your man to propose

[kittycat]

yep your just like me sam7. people say you shouldnt mention it for a while, but then i just cant help it, specally when people talk about their weddings etc, and im really cut up abotu it, its not like he doesnt know that i want to marry him and that i will say yes if he asks, like you i dont want a massive wedding, i just want to get married! i dont wanna spend loads of a wedding, i think it is a waste of money, but still nothing. like you i think it is spoliing it now, i keep waiting and nothing. the thing is loads of my mates are getting engaged at the moment (one of them has been with her bloke less that 6 months! the other about a year and a half) and ive been with my bloke like 5 years or so and nothing, and i feel that i dont want to be 'following the crowd' but it jsut makes me so jealous, and then it makes me wonder what is wrong with me? why doesnt he want to marry me, people want to marry my mates, but he doesnt want to marry me! why!? whats wrong with me? he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and oplanning babies etc, so why not marrage or even engagement!? ho hum.

i dont know how long i will wait, i dont think i will ever leave him over it, as i think we are perfect togehter, how about you? will you wait forever for yours?

i think we can post as many as we like on here and it donest matter - someone told me that you have to post 25 times to be able to send a Private Message to a person - so lets see if we can get 25 posts, so we can PM.

[Sam7]

Hello again,
I'm not sure I'll wait forever as I just think that if I am the one for him (as he keeps saying) he would ask me! I'm not sure when that point will come but I can't wait forever. It's not like he is afraid of the commitment - he already asked his ex and that was years ago when he was a lot younger. I just don't know what's wrong with them. I suppose someone looking from the outside would think to themselves that our boyfriends obviously don't love us enough, but although I might appear desperate and sad (unfortunately), I really don't believe that is true. I know that he thinks I am his soul mate and it seems that your fella thinks the same about you...... I've just got an email from my friend excited about her wedding. She's counting down. I just can't feel happy (although I make it look like I am). I actually want to scream......... the more I think about it the more obsessed I become and the sadder I feel. If it wasn't completely sad I would just ask him myself. Surely he wouldn't say no and if he did at least I would know where I stand. I hate the feeling that I am not in control - it is the only aspect of my life that I have no power over and it is the most important! What tactic are you taking at the moment? I just can't bring myself to mention it anymore? Do you have any weddings coming up? We've got 3 more this year....

[eat, drink & be marri]

just found out that my boyfriend's little sister is getting married! one friend got married last fall, another last month, still another last week and my cousin's wedding is next month. we had a fight more than six months ago about getting married and he told me to be patient and I haven't said anything direct since, but... how long does 'be patient' last?

I don't know that marriage is something that should be fought over and I'm sure it doesn't spotlight my feminine grace, but I'm tired of being his good little wifey and not getting what I want in return. for four years I've been proving to him that we're not all liars and cheats like his exes and I'm bored. I love him to death and we have wonderful times together but maybe I have to be willing to leave to motivate the lovable coward into genuine action.

[BrandyInFL]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. He won't even discuss marriage and has told me he will ignore any mention of marriage. This really hurts me. I really feel you should be able to talk about you feelings with the one you love...especially after 8 LONG years! If marriage talk is off limits after 8 years it probably always will be....right?! When he told me he would ignore any talk or hints about marriage that made me feel like the very thought of marriage to me disgusted him. I could understand if it was something I bring up everyday, but I never talk about it cause the rejection I have felt in the past when I brought it up. And even then, I only mentioned it or threw out a hint once every 6 months... but to him it felt like everyday. I decided to just never mention it and if it was meant to be it would be, I don't want anyone to marry me because I bitched them into it. It's a long time since I have said the "M" word and still nothing. It also has nothing to do with affording a ring. He spends money like it grows on trees, infact, he is about to buy is 4th new vehicle in 3 years..not to mention his Jet Ski and array of electronic toys. He has said in the past that a wedding is such a waste of money... I'm not even interested in a fancy wedding. But to be honest I'm beginning to wonder how much longer I will be interested in him. No doubt he is the love of my life, maybe I've just not the love of his life. I don't believe it takes 8 years for anyone to figure out if the one they are with is "The One" I think he knows "I'm not" but won't tell me. All I can do is guess since he wont tell me anything. I know I can't (won't) wait much longer. 8 years is long enough to travel down a dead-end road. Time to face the facts... I'm just not good enough!!

Brandy

[BrandyInFL]

Thanks

[Guest]

my bf proposed to me just after a week we went out properly. Knew him 3 months before. I think that when u meet THE ONE, marriage is of no hesitation. I think u should drop some hints and look at some wedding magazines to see if hes interested. A guy that doesnt want to get married in a committed relationship is a lil fishy. is he still looking elsewhere for other fish?

good luck anyway. when it comes to men, dont choose less than perfect or u will only regret

[BrandyInFL]

I can't help but feel he's trying to make sure nothing better comes along!!

[smellycat]

in my opinion, i think u shld leave him. he doesnt seem 2 appreciate you and if he doesnt think ur the only one for him, whats the point right? do unto others how you want em to treat u . good luck x

[Sam7]

Wow a lot has happened over the weekend since I was last here! 8 years does seem a long time to wait for someone but I guess it depends on the circumstances eg age, if you've ever split up temporarily, if you have been living together. I have only been waiting for 2 years but I agree with past comments - there should be no hesitation if you have found The One. I know it is so upsetting when you have found your one but they don't seem so sure! If 8 years had passed and I really wanted to get married I would make my case clear. At the end of the day if he is not interested in marriage you will have to choose between your man and marriage. Personally I wouldn't stick around. It is too much of a big topic to disagree about.
As for me well I'm going to give it another 6 months - and no it is not further extendable! I've made it perfectly clear (in a subtle and unpushy way) what I want. The clock is ticking and I want children at some point! What ever happened in these guys past should not stop them knowing that they have met their true soul mate. If they are prepared to let their history ruin their potential future then that is their problem! We shouldn't let it ruin ours too!

[k9trainingbiz]

This may not be want you want to hear, but here goes.

Just an aside to all the girls who currently "play house" with a partner who won't marry them, did you ever hear the saying "why buy the cow when the milk's free"?. You have already given him the married life, not to mention financial help (in most cases) with no strings. What would be the motivation? If he wanted to marry you he would at least get engaged (with ring and date set), no excuses. After all, if you're good enough to live with as a wife and as a married couple, you're good enough to marry, right?

[Sam7]

I totally agree with you but how quickly should someone make that decision to get married? Living with someone can easily be terminated - move out - but getting divorced isn't quite as straight forward. I think you need to live with someone to see if you are right for each other. I didn't decide instantly that I would marry my boyfriend so why should he? What is a reasonable time scale?

[k9trainingbiz]

Oh, I forgot to say, IMO it's great to live together, you do need to learn to be compatible, it's a totally different ball game than dating. I think the only way a girl should do that is with an engagement and a set date. That way you know he's serious before you get into that.

It's not as simple as just moving out. Almost all the girls that write in here are in that situation, either he won't commit or he's treating them very badly, and they always have excuses why they can't move out, so they just stay and keep hoping he'll change or he'll ask them to marry them. If you can live on your own, or at least get a roomate and you are engaged would both be a good idea before moving in, you don't want to be trapped financially into staying in a bad situation. You have to look at the grey areas.

[kittycat]

Totally agree Sam7. I moved in with my man but didnt decide that that would be marrage! you do have to live with someone (in my opinion) to get to really know them...... i lived with a ex and it wasnt until i moved in with him that i realised what a knob he was! so i count my lucky stars i didnt marry him before that!

sam i really dont know what sort of time scale you should wait....what ever feels right for you i believe. i know that i would never leave my man, and i do believe him when he says that he will marry me some day, but when is that day...? i think all of us on here are in the same situation one way or another.

big hugs to us all!

[lilirose03]

I don't think you do need to live with a man to know him, if you take your time and get to know him, spend weekends at his place etc. Anyway, here's my story:
I lived with my ex-fella for 8 years, we were engaged when we moved in together and yet the marriage never happened. I felt he was far less commited to 'us' than I was, it came to the point where I confronted him and he said "I will never marry you". Needless to say we split up. I lost everything because without marriage you legally have no rights. Within a year or two he was married to someone else and had a baby with her (he'd told me he didn't want children). I was nearing 30 and alone, stuck 300 miles away from the area I was originally from and no way of going back.
Then I met a wonderful guy, and when he started making noises about us moving in together I told him I wasn't willing to do the whole living together routine again and he proposed straight away - and this time I made sure I got the wedding before moving house.
We've been together 3 years now, my husband treats me with love and respect, we're very happy and have a beautiful baby daughter.
Take from this story what you will...

[The-Prophet]

I don't think you do need to live with a man to know him, if you take your time and get to know him, spend weekends at his place etc. Anyway, here's my story:
I lived with my ex-fella for 8 years, we were engaged when we moved in together and yet the marriage never happened. I felt he was far less commited to 'us' than I was, it came to the point where I confronted him and he said "I will never marry you". Needless to say we split up. I lost everything because without marriage you legally have no rights. Within a year or two he was married to someone else and had a baby with her (he'd told me he didn't want children). I was nearing 30 and alone, stuck 300 miles away from the area I was originally from and no way of going back.
Then I met a wonderful guy, and when he started making noises about us moving in together I told him I wasn't willing to do the whole living together routine again and he proposed straight away - and this time I made sure I got the wedding before moving house.
We've been together 3 years now, my husband treats me with love and respect, we're very happy and have a beautiful baby daughter.
Take from this story what you will...

i take from this story that you had a crap long term relationship and then found someone who really cares for you. congratz and i hope you have a wonderful life with him.