how did you get your man to propose

[Guest]

Yes, congrats! Good for you!

[lilirose03]

Thanks guys. I really do feel for all you guys who are waiting and wondering if it's ever going to happen, I know exactly how you feel. Don't give up hope though, it didn't work out for me and my ex, but there are plenty of couples who do marry after living together for a long time.

[Miss_Lateralus]

You can't put a time span on waiting, and say if he doesn't do it within 6 months I'm leaving him. Thats a crap attitude to take.

It is a big deal, and sometimes men find it extremely hard to make the final steps to commitment. Not only that, they want to do it to the best of their ability - buy the best ring, and propose in the most romantic way they can. Also it's important for them to ask your parents.

This is just me looking at it from their point of view. I've wanted my bf to ask without a ring so many times, but he wants to do it all properly.

start getting on with things that will take your mind off of the situation. One very important tip... the more you think about it and long for it the LONGER AND LONGER it will take because the days will DRAG AND DRAG. If you put it in the back of your mind before you know it it will happen.

[smeeb]

Hello all

Just wanted to say how relieved I am to have read your posts about the frustration of waiting for your bf to propose.

I have been with mine since March 04 and he moved in in Jan this year. I know he is absolutely the love of my life and I want nothing more than to marry him and to be his wife. He is 33 and I am 28. He has been married before at the age of 28 but it only lasted for 2 years as his ex moved back to France where she was from.

In April I couldn't help but tell him how strongly I feel about wanting to marry him and it all came out in a rush. He was totally shocked but very loving and gentle with me. It just seemed like the thought had not crossed his mind!! I was hurt that it hadn't at this stage in our relationship and with both of us knowing we are each other's soul mate. He said that he had no doubts that we would marry 'one day' and I left it there for fear of pressuring him, but now, three months later, I am finding myself again turning to wedding websites and typing 'how to get your man to propose' into Google. I feel so sad and annoyed with myself but can't help it. I'm not sure whether to bring up the subject again with him. I don't like the feeling that I'm the one chasing him. He doesn't act like he's afraid of commitment - he talks of house extensions, future travel plans etc but the M word seems out of his vocab.

Can I ask for some thoughts on how I broach the subject again with him as it's driving me crazy?

Hope someone replies . . .

K

[BinFL]

I think a lot of men don't really feel the urgency or such a great need to talk marriage once you are already living together. Just from my personal experience and from reading other post on this and similar topics.

[Miss_Lateralus]

Smeeb, if he's your soul mate you can talk to him about anything and everything. I know I do with my partner. He knows I'm extremely excited about him proposing to me and he knows I can't wait. I brought it up again yesterday cos sometimes I just can't contain my feelings. He grumbles a little and I know its bad, but we kinda turn it into a joke. You have to talk to him about it and lay all your cards on the table. For all you know he may want to get married in 10 years, guess you won't know till you talk to him about exactly how your feeling and what you want from your relationship.

[Sam7]

Smeeb - you and I are in the same boat - as are a lot of other people! I completely understand how you feel. There is no question that my boyfriend and I are soul mates and I find it very difficult not to share all my feelings about my cravings to get engaged with him. I basically think about it all of the time. I have decided I am ready so why isn't he?! I almost died when he spent his savings on some investments - in my mind that was my ring money - but I couldn't tell him that!
I think so long as you feel you have made your feelings clear to him - which I think you have, there is not much more you can do. We're all in the waiting club! Proposing is a big deal and it must take a lot of courage. My boyfriend has been engaged before and yours has been married and I think that unfortunately this will slow the process down for us. Once bitten twice shy and all of that. They have to get it right this time - my boyfriend has admitted that this is how he feels. He is scared, even though he knows that I am the one for him. Like your boyfriend, he talks about the future - babies, holidays, new cars etc. I suppose we should just trust that this is encouraging.
I am finding the whole thing very hard and I often feel sad. When he says to me "what can I do to prove how much I love you", I feel like screaming "just marry me for goodness sake - that is all I want!!" - luckily I manage not to. At the end of the day he knows how I feel. If I keep bringing it up it will just pressure him and make it less of a surprise. Imagine how I would feel if I had an outburst and he said "ok then let's get married". (probably very happy......). No seriously - it just wouldn't feel right. They will do it when they are ready. In the meantime it is good to know that I am not alone. I have every confidence that our time will come - we just have to be patient x

[Lola*]

I am finding the whole thing very hard and I often feel sad. When he says to me "what can I do to prove how much I love you", I feel like screaming "just marry me for goodness sake - that is all I want!!" - luckily I manage not to.

You all seem like fifties housewives.

[Sam7]

Actually no I'm a lawyer but that doesn't mean I don't want to settle down and have children at some point. I am perfectly capable of having a family life and a career.

[kittycat]

sam totally agree! i run my own business - so yer i obviously i am just a little wifey who cant do anything else but look after the house!!! ghad some people!

yes it is hard to not feel like your pressuring them into it - but its hard when they say that it will be 'soon' and soon never comes.....

another blow to me is that his brother is getting married to his long term girlfriend in june, and she has the same first name as me......so when they get married and i get married.....we will have the same first and second name!!!!!! arrrgghh... i hate the thought of that! and the thing is she rubs it in that she will be the first one which makes it more special! argh! and im not even engaged yet! its so annoying!!!!

[Guest]

Actually no I'm a lawyer but that doesn't mean I don't want to settle down and have children at some point. I am perfectly capable of having a family life and a career.

sam totally agree! i run my own business - so yer i obviously i am just a little wifey who cant do anything else but look after the house!!! ghad some people!

I wasn't actually referring to the ''work'' part, so ''ghad some people!'' back atcha. You still sound like desperate fifties housewives, and of course you are pressuring the men into because you feel pressurized to marry (or why are you throwing panics ?).

[Guest]

sam totally agree! i run my own business - so yer i obviously i am just a little wifey who cant do anything else but look after the house!!! ghad some people!

yes it is hard to not feel like your pressuring them into it - but its hard when they say that it will be 'soon' and soon never comes.....

another blow to me is that his brother is getting married to his long term girlfriend in june, and she has the same first name as me......so when they get married and i get married.....we will have the same first and second name!!!!!! arrrgghh... i hate the thought of that! and the thing is she rubs it in that she will be the first one which makes it more special! argh! and im not even engaged yet! its so annoying!!!!

You so sound like a fifties housewife. I wouldn't want to marry either, if my girlfriend was acting up like you here.

[Guest]

I have decided I am ready so why isn't he?! I almost died when he spent his savings on some investments - in my mind that was my ring money

Gawd. I can so understand why men get cold feet. Don't you girls see how unhealthily obsessed you are ?

[Smeeb]

I don't see why wanting to marry the love of your life is classed as being 'unhealthily obsessed' or like a 'desperate fifties housewife'.

I feel very strongly about making this commitment to my partner and am trying to seek out the best way to communicate this to him WITHOUT pressuring him. I believe that it would be more like a fifties housewife to never bring up the subject and never to talk to your boyfriend about your hopes and fears, instead just to wait meekly to be asked.

I spoke with my bf this weekend about our future, and was able to get a clearer picture from him of how he sees marriage in our relationship. Basically he is happy at the moment to enjoy the living together phase and then to think about marriage in another 6-12 months. Although I am on a different timescale to him, I respect his views. The main thing is that we can talk about it.

[kittycat]

i dont think it is unhealthy either - can i ask if all these 'guests' have partners of their own? mite be something to think about!

like the others on here, we feel we are ready to marry, and dont want to pressure our men, so we are coming her for advise or just to let off steam...... so not to do it to them.

there are many reasons why i want to get married, and i have jsut answered another post on this forum where someone is asking why we want to marry (think it may be the same Guest on here) - so its not jsut a 'get my ring on my finger' or peer pressure.