how did you get your man to propose

[Sam7]

Kittycat and Smeeb I agree with you both. The whole reason we are spending our time sending these emails is to talk about it with people in the same boat. It is to do with us each meeting the right person and feeling ready to settle down, not just wanting a ring on your finger. I have lived with two different people before meeting my boyfriend and (as they weren't right for me) getting married was never an issue for me. I am wondering why these "guests" are even on this site? We can do without unconstructive comments from gimps! Go and find a porn site to keep yourselves occupied sad losers!!
Anyhow, let's not be put off by them! Smeeb your weekend sounds posiitve - it is good to know where you stand and you're right, you both want the same thing it's just that his timing is just slightly out! Encouraging though.

[kittycat]

hahah, sam7 you do make me laugh. you sock it to them love!

your right, we dont need those comments from the 'guests'. just forget about them.

yes thats call smeeb, its good that you have talked about it and even tho your not in the same timescale at least you now know, and that he knows how you feel to - the whole point of why your so perfect together is that you can compromise. its good stuff.

my man said on the weekend again that we would get married soon, which does make me feel a little better about it.

[Sam7]

That's great news Kittycat! I feel so much better for having sent these emails to you all - it is so nice to talk to other people who really understand. It brightens up my work day!
Keep in touch so that eventually we can send personal mails!

[BinFL]

Just ignore the"guest"! There is a another topic very similiar to this one and a guest....or TROLL posted on that one too. Very rude with lots of so-called advice. I'm pretty sure it's the same person.

[Peg the Reader]

I am in the US, San Francisco actually, so attitudes may be different. It is not at all unusual for the woman to do the asking.
In my case, after we were dating about 6 months I mentioned to him that I had told a friend that I thought we would marry someday. He agreed that it was likely. The next year was leap year, so on Sadie Hawkins Day (Feb. 29, when traditionally women can propose marriage) I presented him with a ring and a proposal which was accepted. This sounds rather cavalier, but you have no idea how difficult it was for me to take this step. The ring was a family heirloom which I had engraved for him.
We were married within a year and we now have an 11-year old son and no regrets.
I suppose this area is a bit out of the norm, as I spoke to a friend the other day who is getting married in September. Because her fiance has two children who will be in high school for the next two years, and they live in widely separated towns, they plan to live apart until mid-2007! That is where I would draw the line!

[Married?inMN]

I found this forum the same way, after typing "why won't he propose" into Google!
My situation is just a bit different, my "boyfriend" and I have been together nearly four years and legally married for nearly as long. I'm in the U.S. and he's from Europe. We knew we wanted to be together and agreed we'd eventually be married, so when it became clear he'd overstayed his immigration welcome, we went to a judge and tied the knot. Because it was only 8 months after we'd met, I only told my best friend and my parents (because I felt way too guilty about lying to them). His parents *still* don't know!

So, for three plus years we've been playing boyfriend/girlfriend while actually being married and not able to tell anyone. It's maddening!!! We've just purchased a house together and now I'm wondering if it was the worst decision I could possibly have made. He sees the house purchase as "the next big step" and claims he'll be married when he's ready. I view the house purchase as "a big step" but outside of the relationship/marriage/children steps one normally takes.

We've seen a counselor and he seems to think that he'll be ready when he's ready and it's not much of an issue. Obviously, since I'm writing into an e forum, it *is* an issue (and he knows it's an issue for me). The counselor (as counselors will do) is not exactly helping, mostly saying, "How do you feel about that?" and "Tell him how that makes you feel".
Any advice?!? Am I the biggest idiot in the world for purchasing a house with the person I'd like to spend the rest of my life with but have to pretend I'm not married to?!?

[Desperate "housewif]

Me and my b/f have known each other for years before we went out,. we are now going out for past few years. we bought a lovely house, have dog, and we are doing alright for ourselves.. We are very happy together, but some times i wonder what i am doing here, i dont drop hints, and dont want to pressure him in any way,,(hopeless romantic ), i was under the illusion we would get engaged atleast,as he did ask when we were drunk and i did say yes,, thought he would do it properly at some stage, that was a few years ago now.. Like other posts i have read,, i feel like fighting with him when we are at weddings and all he doesnt have a clue what is wrong with me i never minded before but after countless romantic holidays,, times when i thought this is it and nothing,, it was hard to hold back the tears , He had not got a clue what was wrong with me,.
i am fustrated with myself for feeling like this, some of my friends have turned into the saddest housewifes i have ever met, and keep wrecking my head, i would not call it jelousey, what in the hell is wrong with me!!!

[AndreaWow]

I have a fantastic idea of sending me a photo of yourself (holding a banner that say's when are you going to marry me) I will then post it on my web site at httpuk which if I can be daring and say holds hundreds of dishy guys and gorgeous girls from music, film and sport. Then sit him on the computer searching for that great Angelina Jolie/Cameron Diaz photo he's always wanted.....I'll have your photo sat on the front page waitiing for him.....bit bizarre but gosh I am trying to help.
If he scrolls past you girl....just show him where the door is, if he's willing to buy your autographed photo we'll have to negotiate how much it's worth before you send it to me,
I hope everything works out for you, Best Wishes

Andrea

[Gigi]

Hi Ladies...
Im a newbie here and so glad to find this forum. I am in the same boat and can totally relate with Kittycat, Sam7 and mostly Married in MN. I am also 25, legally married to my bf of 5 years, but no one else knows bout it. We did it cause his stay here was running out too, but had already been dating 5 years. I keep waiting for him to propose, but nothing...........Weve been to 3 weddings in the last 2 months and have another one this weekend, his friend, who met his fiancce a year ago!!! We've never and still dont live together, and I like it that way cause dont intend to till we are married. He doesnt talk about it, I dont, 'cept when I am drunk, cause I feel like my pride is being compromised by saying I wanna get married. UGGGGHHHHHHH
Everyone keeps asking us when we are going to take the next step and it drives me mad. Couple of months ago, I decided to move, and also encouraged him to move, out of the country, as I know that there are a lot of things he has to do accomplish before settling down and can only do them in his home country. I thought that showing him I could deal with a long distance relationship and I had his goals in mind would make him propose, especially cause I was giving him the space. You know whole mentality of scaring a man into proposing by giving him his space... But nothing. So I move states in a few days and he leaves the country in a month and nothing....
This is soooo frustrating. I still want him to go, to fulfill his goals, and I need to stay to fulfill mine, but I wanna be engaged before we separate. Is it all just wrong timing???

[SteelerBabe]

Nice to know the feelings I have aren't just ones I'm feeling. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. I'm 22 and he's 26. We've always discussed marriage and our future, but I'm starting to get a bit unhappy. I'm watching everyone get engaged or married this summer (my 19 year old brother just got engaged in February!!) and it's driving me nuts.

While I was in college it was always "We're waiting until after we graduate from college to get married." Well I got my Bachelor's Degree 8 months ago, I just got a good job as a teacher. He graduated the same time as me and managed to get himself a good job back in March. Now it's gone from "When we finish to college," to "When we buy a house." We've lived together for about 2 years now, but there's not a chance I am going to buy a house with someone I'm not married to (or even engaged to!) He says he won't get married unless he has a house, and I say I won't buy a house until I'm married - I guess we're at a stalemate.

As another poster stated it takes quite awhile to plan a wedding, and I've let him know this - he seemed to think I could pop one out of thin air in a matter of weeks or a few months. But I have a huge family who don't live near us. I guess I'm just frustrated and venting because his ex is getting married tomorrow to a guy she's known for less than 3 years. She wasn't a good person (yes I knew her beyond just what he has said about her) and I don't get how she can find someone to marry her and I'm still waiting for him to just ask. His family has even gotten to the point of asking me why he hasn't even asked yet, and I don't know what to say. Maybe it's an American thing, but people haven't been too shy about asking me what the problem is and why we haven't at least gotten engaged yet. Oh well -- all in good time I suppose, thanks for letting me rant!!!

[americanlady]

I just wanted to respond to the nasty comments from guest. Women are not from the fifties simply because they seek to form a legally recognized mate with an individual whom they believe to be their soul mate. I am an American, an attorney and a businesswoman, and I cannot wait for the moment when my partner asks me to marry him. I was engaged once before and my partner died, so I know that time is precious and it is ridiculous for men to take their time, assuming that women will sit around waiting forever. TO the women who have written in, take a good look at your relationship and assess why he refuses to marry. If there is a good chance that he will continue to push it off, do not compromise what you want and need for your future- a loving marriage. Good luck to you all.

[Married?inMN]

<<He doesnt talk about it, I dont, 'cept when I am drunk, cause I feel like my pride is being compromised by saying I wanna get married. >>

Gigi-Thank GOODNESS I'm not alone out there! Sounds like you love him very much and have his best interests at heart. Though you and I are in very similar situations, I *do* live with my "boyfriend"/legal hubby and we *have* talked about it.
Although, to date, there has been no movement on the subject (which is incredibly frustrating) the best thing we've done is see a counselor together. We're in neutral territory (so to speak) and with a third party mediating. You'd be surprised what issues come out that way. We're still together and still seeing the counselor and I would highly recommend having at least one or two sessions before either/both of you move.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you!
Married?inMN

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[BinFL]

Just ignore the"guest"! There is a another topic very similiar to this one and a guest....or TROLL posted on that one too. Very rude with lots of so-called advice. I'm pretty sure it's the same person.

The TROLL agreed with some in thread. OH NOES !!!! You should really start to learn to read more accurately, dumbo.

Maybe you should learn how to spell before you call someone else a "dumbo"!

[Guest]

Just ignore the"guest"! There is a another topic very similiar to this one and a guest....or TROLL posted on that one too. Very rude with lots of so-called advice. I'm pretty sure it's the same person.

The TROLL agreed with some in thread. OH NOES !!!! You should really start to learn to read more accurately, dumbo.

Maybe you should learn how to spell before you call someone else a "dumbo"!

Maybe you should learn to see when something is spelt wrong on purpose, dumbo.

[kittycat]

why do people have to turn it into a slagging match!? only trying to discuss a subject and you get people like this. just ignore them i say.

just seems like this place is all arguements!