Husbands & Porn??

[Canadiangurl]

well it all started about a year ago when i found a whole bunch of videos on my husbands computer.. i was mad as hell..since then he has promised he would stop and has lied to me about stoping..no he has become VERY good at hiding it.. its gotten so bad that if i take the kids to the park durring the day.. he comes home on his lunch break to watch it.. i have walked in on it a few times.. he stays up later than me to watch it.. and says he didnt but i know cause he only takes his wedding ring off when he is up later than me.. i assume the ring gets in the way of masterbating(he is left handed).... i hate the dishonesty i dont in anyway expect him to not masterbate but i just dont see the need of porn.. i see it as a form of cheating.. i am always up for having sex so i dont get it..im at the end of my rope and im considering leaving him over it. im not sure what kind of response i want here but it just feels good to talk about it.. a few times before i confronted him about it and he had said its his right to look at it and i couldnt stop him.. then after a few more fights and me saying i was going to leave he says he wont do it again...so i think he is just saying it to get me off his back... i am holding a lot of resentment toward him about it.. and i just dont know what to do how do all the other women here think about porn in a marriage??
thanks

[Username taken]

I think all men have porn on their computers, anyone who thinks they don't just hasn't found it yet.

Try and learn to accept it, men using porn is no threat to your relationship or sex life.

[static]

[k9trainingbiz]

Personally I don't believe porn is cheating. It's fantasy, not flesh. Porn is a big turn on for men and many women, but when it comes to being obsessed (coming home at lunch to watch it??, staying up every night to as well) and preferring it to you signals a very serious problem in your relationship.

Instead of nagging and threatening him, why not try actually having a rational conversation. Ask him if there is something lacking that he needs. Obviously the answer is yes. Have you put him last? The kids and duties first? Didn't you notice when your sex life dwindled? It doesn't sound like there is much, if any closeness and intimacy (emotional) in your marriage. It's stale.

Have a calm conversation about his feelings, not just yours. Don't accuse, yell or put a wall up and get defensive. Listen. If you can get him to talk, sometimes they won't. Tell him your marriage is important to you and you want to really work together to heal it. If you cannot talk calmly and rationally see a marriage counselor.

Of course, I am assuming most of this, you didn't mention anything but your side of the problem.

[WHO]

Men like porn... as a number women do. Women like to read romance novels or look at films that deal with love... as a number of men do.

Are married men "cheats" if and when they watch porn? Are married women "cheats" if and when they watch and enjoy films that deal with love or read romance novels?

[TipsyDipsy]

I have to ask this as i've thought about it quite a lot lately.
If a man came home to find his wife masturbating over the image of another man would he think it was healthy and not a threat to his ego or the relationship?
The porn industry is aimed at men for men so I suppose we can't find out. When my husband found out i'd found his porn and had been watching it he got angry. Strikes me as a little hypocritical I think. Its easy for men to say not to worry and that all men do it and that women should just except it and put up with it. They don't have to put up with their wife getting off on the images of other men's c****s. I'm sorry to sound so graphic but the porn industry is graphic. I don't think men realize women have egos just as fragile as theirs and if men don't like their girlfriends looking at other guys they shouldn't make their girlfriends put up with it.

[WiredCoffeeJunkie]

My girlfriend went to chipendales over the weekend. Should I bin her? That's a retorical question by the way.

[TipsyDipsy]

I know you said it was a rhetorical question but I'm gonna answer anyway.

That's an entirely different subject. This woman is talking about her husband completely shunning her for porn every day. Staying up at night, through lunch hours. She is considering ending the relationship over it. Maybe if your girlfriend lived at the Chippendales it would be a closer comparison to her situation.
I'm not against porn, like the above post said women like it too (not as much granted and not in the same way) but I do think there is a problem when people use porn as escapism from their relationships then i can understand how it can almost feel like your husband is having affair with the computer screen.

[WiredCoffeeJunkie]

I know you said it was a rhetorical question but I'm gonna answer anyway.

That's an entirely different subject. This woman is talking about her husband completely shunning her for porn every day. Staying up at night, through lunch hours. She is considering ending the relationship over it. Maybe if your girlfriend lived at the Chippendales it would be a closer comparison to her situation.
I'm not against porn, like the above post said women like it too (not as much granted and not in the same way) but I do think there is a problem when people use porn as escapism from their relationships then i can understand how it can almost feel like your husband is having affair with the computer screen.

I agree. There's something wrong with her relationship or her husband is addicted and probably both. What's your point?

[TipsyDipsy]

That was my point.

just saying the things I forgot to mention in my first post.

[427v8]

You know, I watch a lot of porn and do get off to it. It's not hidded from the wife but it's not in her face either.

I would RATHER be with her, but she cannot keep up and would prefer I leave her alone sometimes. But I KNOW if I were to start ignoring her she would not be happy with me getting off without her.

I would advise you to start watching the porn with him, helping him, having him help you...It could be fun!

If he's not into that, then maybe he's not into you at all?

[Donny]

..Canadiangurl...past messages/threads have beat this to death(no pun intended) ; search them and read what other women have said...

[Raymond-Bergman]

Without doubt you need to speak to him. I find it a little sad but some men do get addicted in this way. Does he have an addict personality?

[Heather21]

my hubby and i have been together for 7 years 2 of witch we have been married and liveing together for 4 years. my hubby does have porn on his computer and in the dvd player and in the bathroom yes it bothered me at first i thought that maybe i wasnt enough for him that he needed to look at other women but being together for 7 years has done some good we have talked about it and i know that he doesnt do it because im not good enough he does it because he can,it feels good, and makes him happy, i as a women dont always want sex everyday so he turns to porn and masturbation and i am ok with that hes not touching other women only himself
my advise would be to talk to your hubby about it maybe he needs sex more often maybe he needs a little change maybe the same ol same ol sex needs to change (position, anything that will work) make your releationship more open to things invite a third party into the picture if thats what your into and both ok with the thought. my hubby and i did it and it opened up our releatonship more then you would think. i dont know whats going on in your releationship im not a profesional but men will always look at porn and masturbate what ever it takes good luck ~heather~

[Raymond-Bergman]

Just talk to him!