Mad, Stupid, or Both?!?!

[smilesalot]

Hiya,

Hope you are all well.

Anyway, I am either mad or stupid or possibly both! A few years back I was posting on this site because I was seeing a guy who was engaged to someone else. To cut it short, I saw through his crap, told him where to go and basically told him he was a arsehole and rubbish liar and I'd be surprised if his gf (now wife) doesnt see how fake he is.

I got a new job, started dating, got great friends and moved on. A few months ago he text me asking how I was etc and we started back on 'texting' terms, ie, asking how each other were, what we're upto, any holidays and all the other rubbish friends ask when they're not great friends. Then he asked to see me and I said no. He was fine with that and occasionnally I'd get a text off him saying 'having a gd day' etc. Every now and then he asks to see me, i say no. He wanted to see me when i got a promotion, then he wanted to see me for doing race4life, then he wanted to see me for my birthday. He's now said I've agreed to see him. I don't know why, I think I'm just curious as to what he's gonna say. He's married now and theres no way im getting involved. Am I stupid?

[TwistedMind]

Well, I think you're mad about him, but don't be stupid to fall for him again.... Sorry, don't mean to be rude or anything. Just think about it, he's already married. If it's just a friendly date, then it's okay, but what if he's up to something else?

[Cambridge]

Am I stupid?

Yep.

but what if he's up to something else?

And he is. And s'alot, just what are you up to, saying ‘yes?’ You know what’s goin on or you wouldn’t have said ‘no’ all those other times. Peace.

[Bouncy]

Ask to meet up with him and his wife together. Ask for her number so you can txt her as well. If you don't think that is a good idea and you continue keeping in contact with this guy, you're stupid.

If you do think it's a good idea but he dodges around it and you still keep in contact with him, you're stupid.

Oh, and it's a given that you're mad to even be txting him.

[Ivan Diederhoff]

He's now said I've agreed to see him. I don't know why, ..... Am I stupid?

Have you agreed or is it something HE said? If you are going to meet him, then I have to answer your question affirmatively. You are stupid for doing it. How can you say you moved on, when you are going to back down from your power position and meet him?

You say you moved on, then show it, and tell him to shove off! He is married. Whether you meet for a drink or screw his brains out, you WILL BE getting involved! Stick to your guns, and tell this clown to get out of your life.

[Cambridge]

He's now said I've agreed to see him. I don't know why, ..... Am I stupid?

Have you agreed or is it something HE said?

Ivan, she said, in full:

He's now said I've agreed to see him. I don't know why, I think I'm just curious as to what he's gonna say. He's married now and theres no way im getting involved.

That’s what is known as self-evasiveness, which is something she's using it to subliminate in her own mind what is going on. The important part is in the italicized^^words I have quoted. Trust me. She’s agreed or she wouldn’t bring it back onto herself. Ivan, I think your reasoning is xlnt.

Ask to meet up with him and his wife together. Ask for her number so you can txt her as well. If you don't think that is a good idea and you continue keeping in contact with this guy, you're stupid.

A tactical genius. Gd for you Bouncy.

S’alot, hun…Sometimes people ask for help here because they want to be saved from themselves. This is the case with you. Listen to Ivan and Bouncy…and follow Bouncy’s simple but shrewd recommendation. Notice it puts you on the path to discovery without sacrificing the high road. Good luck.

[smilesalot]

Hiya,

Sorry, I dunno what I was thinking but that shouldn't have said 'he's now said i've agreed to see him'... I agreed, just me. I am probably going to regret it but I'm going to go ahead with it, simply to get rid of my curiosity. Deep down, I was devastated it ended the way it did, we just had a blazing row and that was it. I still wish none of it had ever happened but I was seeing him for near enough 4 years... thats a long time! I do miss his company, as a friend but thats it. If he cant stay as friends only, then ALL contact will have to be cut. I am curious as to what he's got to say and why he was so adamant about seeing me. Yes I am stupid but its the typical 'wanting to get one over the ex' thing. I want him to want me, so i can say no! Evil arent i.

I'm not looking forward to it for the simple reason I know we're gonna talk about what went wrong. I'm not willing anymore to discuss that, its pretty obvious what went wrong, he married someone else!

Thank you all for your advice, I have taken it on board. I got myself into this mess so its about time I finished it x

[Bouncy]

Yes I am stupid

Good, glad that's all sorted then.

[Cambridge]

Deep down, I was devastated it ended the way it did, we just had a blazing row and that was it. I still wish none of it had ever happened but I was seeing him for near enough 4 years... thats a long time! I do miss his company, as a friend but thats it. If he cant stay as friends only, then ALL contact will have to be cut. I am curious as to what he's got to say and why he was so adamant about seeing me.

He’s still married.

If it’s all so innocent, why not invite his wife along? Call her yourself and invite her. You can meet her and share with him all the old times. Turn it into something a little bit more, shall we way…healthy.

Personally, given the background, I feel if you don’t include her, you and he are cheating on her.

[Bouncy]

I agree. It's over, you're gutted, learn from it and move on. You want an excuse to see him and are using your curiosity and need to end it as one. If it's that important to finish it completely, do it on the phone and say good bye. If you still want to meet up with him, invite his wife. If you can't do either of those, you're both mad and stupid because you're only setting yourself up for more hurt.

You said you saw through his crap when you broke it off with him last time, why can't you see it now? I'll tell you why, because you don't want to. It's that same old line we hear over and over on here.... "He's an arsehole and using me, but I love him." Enjoy your misery.

[smilesalot]

Thank you for your advice. I do appreciate it. I don't love the guy, don't hate him, im indifferent. I wouldn't care any less if I never saw him again, but you are probably right that I am not yet over it....Or I'm not happy with the way it finished after 4yrs. That doesn't mean I am interested in starting over again. More so I am keen to prove to him that I can live without him, he can't manipulate me anymore and it was his loss. Call it pride if you like but I was pretty hurt and now I have a great life and I'm going to feel even better when he realises I haven't needed him at all. It would be easier to tell him that without seeing him but it's something I feel like I want to do.

I will let you know how i get on. I know I sound like an awful person but i promise you I'm not. I really feel for his wife because he is a player and will always stray. I regret the past but I am only human and I have learnt from my mistakes.

[Bouncy]

If you were indifferent and couldn't care less you wouldn't have to prove anything to him.

[smilesalot]

No i don't HAVE to prove anything, just want to.

[Bouncy]

My mistake. If you were indifferent and couldn't care less, you wouldn't WANT to prove anything.

[Cambridge]

I am keen to prove to him that I can live without him, he can't manipulate me anymore

All evidence to the contrary, eh?

Call it pride if you like

Neither of us have called it pride. We’ve both emphatically called it stupid.

now I have a great life and I'm going to feel even better when he realises I haven't needed him at all

Not great enough, apparently, without him in it. More likely, he’s gonna feel great after you prove to him you can’t get over him…which is precisely what comes through, and it is precisely what you are taking great pains to hide from yourself.

it's something I feel like I want to do

Oh…call me cynical…but why do I get the feeling that that is not all you want to do?

he is a player and will always stray

Not trying to sound mean…but you’re not doing bad yourself.

Oh well, do what you want. Incidentally, why did you come on here? Did you honestly think you were going to get reinforced or find legitimacy for your shenanigans?