My 15-year-old daughter wants to marry a 54-year-old

[VeryWorriedMum]

Hi there
My 15-year-old daughter wants to marry a 54-year-old man. She got engaged to him within six weeks and wants to marry him on her 16th birthday.

In another thread someone wrote:

Planning for a wedding and honeymoon is exciting. So is the newly-wed life. But that will soon fade too.

You'll be living together and get on each others nerves so you're communication skills must be VERY strong as well as your love and respect for one another.

Marriage is not a fairy tale. There's lots of dips and bumps as there is with anyone you live with. It too, will become monotanous and "boring" at times b/c unless you're very rich, you simply can't go on constant vacations and such.

There's jobs, bills, house, cars, insurance, doctor visits, future children and much more to worry about together.

Definately wait till after college and also AFTER you BOTH have stable jobs. Your goal for now could be to save up money in a savings account and not touching it until the 2 of you buy a house together. Be sure it is YOUR OWN MONEY though. If he saves with you, he puts his money in HIS savings, while you put YOURS IN YOUR SAVINGS. No joint accounts till marriage, PLEASE.

So don't rush marriage at this point. Too much other things to get settled first like finishing that degree, getting a career started, and saving money.

One step at a time.

What should I do? Her father just says "If it makes her happy, let her marry him".

What problems will the age gap and marriage cause for our daughter?

[Wasp_Star's_Smile]

there's only on response to her behaviour.
stop her pocket money.

[younoyouwannit]

the age gap is in practical. he will have health problems soon. he will have manipulated her into his way of thinking.

allow her to do this. support her, and then pick up the pieces in 5 yrs when it goes tit's up.

alternatively, hire a hit man

[CagedBeast]

Delaying tactics - don't go at this head on, put some kind of goal in her way. For instance, say that you dont' want her to marry till she's done her A levels, then you'll be happy. Imply that if she waits a little while she can do it with your blessing. And of course, by the time that comes around in 2 years, it will all have fallen apart.

[niki22]

How about play your role as a parent and put your foot down?!

Does she live with you? If so, she's under YOUR rules. I would NEVER allow this to happen to my kid if I had one.

If she doesn't like it, TOO BAD. One day when she grows up, she'll thank you.

[CagedBeast]

>How about play your role as a parent and put your foot down?!

Aha. And how exactly would you make her OBEY?

Fine in theory, not so great in practice.

[ali_mon_x]

I agree with niki, there's no way you should let a 15 year old marry a 54 year old. There's a 39 year age gap!

What does a 54 year old man want with a 15 year old anyway? He must be some sort of pervert.

You can make her obey by not giving your consent when she's 16...that's if you're in the UK, I'm not sure what the law is in other countries. If you put your foot down then hopefully by the time she's 18 she'll see sense.

[CagedBeast]

>You can make her obey by not giving your consent when she's 16...that's if you're in the UK

Yes... and? What does that do to your relationship? You just forbid it, withold your permission, and she can't marry - driving her MORE towards him, and away from her hateful heartless mother who can't bear to see her daughter happy....

Come on, think it through from her angle, can't you see how she would think about it?

I thought women were supposed to be good at this kind of thing... A direct confrontation won't solve anything.

[STEVE5OO]

>You can make her obey by not giving your consent when she's 16...that's if you're in the UK

Yes... and? What does that do to your relationship? You just forbid it, withold your permission, and she can't marry - driving her MORE towards him, and away from her hateful heartless mother who can't bear to see her daughter happy....

Come on, think it through from her angle, can't you see how she would think about it?

I thought women were supposed to be good at this kind of thing... A direct confrontation won't solve anything.

The relationship is as PARENT. The role of making decisions for children when they are not yet mature enough to do so alone.

Unless you consider a 16 year olds decision to marry a 54 year old man a smart move!

I agree with the others. Put your foot down. Set up a goal/time for her. Then, upon completion, give her your consent.

[Fangia]

alternatively, hire a hit man

lol! although you really oughtn't joke about that! (I HOPE you're joking )


Anyway, where do you live? In england it's illegal to marry against parents' wishes until 18 I think. I suggest that you suggest to her to wait until then anyway. Tell her it would make you happier if she waited to make that decision until she was 18, and could they wait until then to make an INFORMED decision. Hopefully by then she will have changed her mind, and if not then you couldn't actually stop them from marrying anyway.

[xXx.Lesley.xXx]

If they are in the UK it is far too easy to run away to Scotland for a day or 2. The law is only 16 there.

[Fangia]

If they are in the UK it is far too easy to run away to Scotland for a day or 2. The law is only 16 there.

Yeah, Gretna Green I thought about that...

But delaying tactics sounds like the best idea still. If you make her your enemy then she might be compelled to do just that [run away to scotland or whatever] just to spite you. Make sure she knows you're on her side.

[ICU2]

Sounds like he has Michael Jackson syndrome.

[niki22]

Aha. And how exactly would you make her OBEY?

Fine in theory, not so great in practice.

Oh it's QUITE FINE in practice too if you know anything about being a parent. Screw that bull$hit about "driving her more towards him" cuz the mother is playing "bad guy". It's called doing what's best for her kid....it's called disipline, it's called, PARENTING....read what Steve said again if need-be.

If you truly believe you should just let your kid do whatever he/she wants in order to always be the "good guy" in their eyes, you're doing harm in the long run. Maybe you keep them happy for the moment, and yes, let them learn some things on their own, but no real parent would allow a child under their house to marry at such a young age, especially to a man so much older. If you don't see the sense in that, please never have children.

[CagedBeast]

> It's called doing what's best for her kid....it's called disipline,

Sorry, I'm genuinely baffled here. How, exactly, are you going to FORCE a 16 year old child to do what you want?

I'm not saying you have to indulge your child in everything they want, but a 16 year old is not a slave. They won't just jump to your every command. How, in practical terms, can your FORCE a child to do something against their will?

I have trouble getting my four kids to do as I ask, and they're all under 7. I'd love to know this method of controlling them when they're 10 years older.