nasty mother in law

[Guest]

My mother in law has a habit of walking into the bathroom without knocking. I was having a shower and she just walked in and had a piss whle I was having a shower. I'm male.

[Eliza]

I know exactly what you mean since i've been married 24 years and my husband's mother is a nightmare in every sense of the word. She's interfering, critical, nasty, crazy, around the bend and back again,
and I'm not the only one who believes so. My husband tends to get brainwashed from her and although there are times he disagrees with her intensely but when she states things that are convenient for him to hear then he becomes very attentive to her brainwashing. Like every family, we have our own problems without her interference. She always delves into what we are doing, when how and why and says she's an expert in almost everything! She fabricates and is ignorant of everything. Financially she wastes a lot of money and spends like there's no tomorrow and on the other hand will not help my husband with any financial help and yet her other son who's divorced and 48 years old, lives with her because he can't afford to live at home and depends on her for his livelyhood even though he works but he spends his money on his own material comforts and she foots the bill for his dentist work which runs into the thousands! My husband keeps defending her and yet they are not close at all. I hate seeing, talking or hearing her stupid voice. She didn't ever finish bringing up her own kids and yet she tries to involve herself in our parenting. I've really had it with her and I am feeling so angry and bitter right now with her and with my husband and I can't stop crying today because it makes me so upset! So you have my sympathies on your mother-out-law problems since it seems we have that in common.

[Eliza`]

Mine MIL IS A POO!!! Her head is full of it! I know when I'll be a mother-in-law, I'm going to be the best I can be. I plan to try to be as supportive and motherly to her and treat her as I do my own children. I will not intervere or intervene where I'm not needed and will only answer to what I am asked. Having this old crow around only enhances the fact that I can't wait to be a mother-in-law to show how my daughter-in-law how great it can be to have a mother-in-law and not to dread the day you married her son because of her. I always refer to her as
"Mother Dearest" to her son because he and his twin brother are still hanging on to her apron strings for some apparent reason. O.k., she's their mother but there's a limit to how much you can let her interfere and break up a family. So to the writer who refers to hers as Poo - it seems we have a common bond!

[Pernickety]

My mother in law has a habit of walking into the bathroom without knocking. I was having a shower and she just walked in and had a piss whle I was having a shower. I'm male.

Sounds like you missed your chance, she obviously wanted you to screw her.

[Guest]

I just wanted to say to 'helpplease' that I broke up with an ex because his parents were unbearable. I don't have any regrets. If I were in your situation I would be postponing/cancelling the wedding, not marrying into a family with that kind of nutcase in it. Life's too short.

I think you should tell your parents exactly what's been going on. They know you better than anyone and they'll know you're telling the truth. Stick to your guns! Put the wedding on hold.

Seriously, judging by some of the stories on this board, the last thing you want to do is legally saddle yourself with a witch like that for life. Can you cope with the idea of her moving in with you and your husband when she's older and more set in her ways and you're trying to raise kids?

[Guest]

next time you go to her house, give her a slap!!!
wont solve the problems between you, but will feel a bit better.

[helpplease]

hi guest..
thanks ever so much for your comments... it certianly would make me feel better to give the woman a slap... i just dont understand the bitterness!...
I really dont want to split up with my husband to be but can totally understand where your coming from... Its crossed my mind more than once believe me!!...to end the relationship.. but i feel so desperately sorry for him.. he's never going to have anyone else as im the only one who will put up with this crazyness!..
Hes very supportive to me i will say that... and as i say in my last comments ive made him confront her and tell her the score. we are currently not on talking terms due to this but i needed to know he would be behind me 100% should we have to totally cut off from her and im proud to say he has.. (but THEN.. i have this cloud above my head where ive parted a mother and son.. so cant win!)... Why dont they understand that us daughter in laws dont want this!.. I want my children to have a healthy life with both grandparents!... its just never enough.
when did you split up and what was the last straw for you?.. were you intending on getting married.

[helpplease]

Eliza... you sound pretty desperate right now... and youve put up with it for so long... Its not fair your husband doesnt back you up... You seriously need to tell him your not happy.... mind you i know what your thinking... youve already done that and no difference... I also know what you mean by how crafty the cow's can be!... very clever ways of making people think they are sweet and innocent... makes you sick doesnt it!.. i also know what you mean about the voice and sight.. thats now how i feel!.... have you felt like this before your marriage?
how old are you children?.. This is why ive tried to tell the woman i mean business before i take his hand in marriage... Im just hoping this will have some inpact as we've said she wont have anything to do with the grandchildren if she carried on.. i too have cried many, many times over this... all these bitter old women certianly need help dont they!... is she lonely?.. has her marriage failed... as this is the case for me...
She's very jelous of our closeness and communication...
I will give my man that much.. he's very good at standing by me... if he wasnt .. i would have certianly said good bye long ago... ive only been with him a matter of years...
dont let the bitch make you cry honey... but certainly dont make yourself ill over it.... if this is the case.... something MUST change.

[Guest]

just like my mom in law

[laparisienne]

my mil is one of those honey dripping, back stabbing types who's never happy with the fact tht her son doesnt need her any longer and happily so. At our place, she is always fishing for laundry and trying to tell me how to wash his shirts! I am a vegetarian, the concept of which is alien to her and at every given opportunity, she and FIL try to tell me how meat is full of vitamins and tht vegetarians are disapearing from the face of the earth! Talk about living in the victorian era! What i do never seems to be good enough with what her daughter has done or does. Incidentally, her daughter and i have kids with an age gap of 1 year so naturally, MIL has this opportunity to jump on the bandwagon of free unsolicited and least welcome advices on how to raise my daughter the way her daughter is raising. Luckily, i have a kind and understanding husband who stands up for me on occasions. But sadly, not enough. Sorry to say this but i dont think men are programmed to be sensitive enough to understand the subtlities of a lop sided relationship between two women who share his life thus. so, its over to us women to find other women in likewise situations and share our stories to feel lighthearted. Here to all of us who have a bitchy mil ( even if occasionally, but enough to make us lose a good night's sleep) !

[erica1]

Hi There

I am currently in a similar situation except that I am engaged and haven't made any wedding plans as yet which is partly to do with having such a cold response when myself and fiance announced our engagement which was last May 2005, we have been together for 3 years now. Like you from the beginning, there was a problem with my mother in law, she found it hard to look at me, she seemed disapointed but I thought that maybe it was nothing personal and that things would improve after our first meeting.

Ever since she has been bossy and sarcastic to me, always thinks she's important and always asks about WORK WORK AND MORE WORK! I have nothing in common with her at all! I find it hard to talk to her because she is boring and does nothing, her life is her career and that's all!
I have mentioned this to my fiance, he does agree with me and feels in the middle!

When we announced our engagement, we had no congratulations, she didn't come over and give me a kiss, just a quiet and peculiar atmosphere.
It was the happiest evening and her attitude made me cry, I hid in the toilet and wept, I told my fiance how I felt the next morning and he agreed that it wasn't what he expected.
After this I was crying most of the time, I lost so much weight as I lost my appetite and suffered depression, I was going crazy working out WHY she behaved like this.
Recently we said that we have bought magazines for wedding ideas, all the mother in law said was 'so expensive and time consuming' planning a wedding, taking a deep breath I left the room nearly snapping at the cow!
Anyway I've said to my fiance that I don't want her at our wedding, she will be a miserable cow and there would be no point. We are looking at Las Vegas and having a small ceremony at a chapel with a few people.

The thought of her being there and interfering would make me angry!
She is rude to my parents, they have only met once and she made my mother look small about her driving and she was argumentive with my dad also. My family can't stand her and my folks love everybody!
She is divorced and lives with her partner who is a nice man but he hardly speaks to me when she is around, it's like he's on a lead!
I really want to get married and have a family in the future but things are not looking good now and I'm trying to work out if it's really worth it!

I believe that it's JEALOUSY because they don't like their sons being happy with a female, it's a protective problem but also a selfish one beca
use men have to grow up and get married, have kids etc.

I feel sad sometimes when I should be sooooo happy like you, it seems so unfair and helpless. The best thing I have done recently is backed off for a while, show her you are busy and that you have important things to do, that way she will start wondering what the hell is wrong and she might even realise.
Hope this helps, I hope things work out at the wedding, let me know how things are?

Regards
Natalie

[monkey66]

having a nightmare time like you lot and need advice! I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have bought a house together. During this time his mother has made it very obvious that she doesn't like me. Last year I confronted her and she basically said she just wanted her son to be happy. Everytime my boyfriend and I have the slightest disagreement he goes round to their house to "discuss" it with them which only agrevates the problem as they become involved in the argument as well and basically encourage him to split up with me! He constantly tells me I'm his best friend and he wants to marry me and have kids but then as soon as his parents tell him he's not happy he wants to leave. He does everything possible to keep his mother happy and prefers to upset me rather than her.
She expects us to look after her other son who is much younger once a week while she goes to the gym with 1 hours notice. My boyfriend doesn't seem to understand that I shouldn't have to do her favours when she blatently slags me off behind my back.
I really love him but I'm starting to think I can't cope with this for much longer - if he's prepared to leave me because of what his parents think, is he worth it?

[marylu]

I, too, have an impossible mother in law. She was 60 years old when I married her son (I was 22) and she will soon be 91. Her health is very good and she still drives and lives on her own in a retirement complex. She has quite a lot of money and should be thankful for her health and financial security. Instead she constantly complains about EVERYTHING. She has made my life miserable for 30 years. Although I have repeatedly told him how betrayed I feel, my husband NEVER stands up to her because "she's my mother." She has been mean to our children and now complains that she never hears from them (wonder why!!) I recently wrote down a list of some of the things she has said and done to me and my children. This was SO therapeutic. Wish I had done this long ago. To those of you who are contemplating marrying boyfriends with horrible mothers, I offer this advice...think long and hard about putting up with her for the next 20 to 30 years. If she is nasty now it will only get worse. If he does not confront her now he never will. There is no worse feeling than being with someone but feelinig alone.

[Stuck in a situation]

I justed wanted to say that I understand exactly what you are going through. I married an only child,an only grand child on both sides. From the time we were dating I knew that his family tolerated me but never wanted their precious son to marry me. On our 5th year wedding anniversary his Dad annouced he was surprised we made it this far, and thought we would have split up long ago. We are now approaching our 8 year anniversary and they may get their wish. On the surface his parents seem okay, they seem to think that money will solve the problem, but with me I just don't respect that attitude. I cannot be bought. Everytime I see them, his mother makes a snide comment. She used to fly in like a hawk, and the minute my husband left the room would start criquing him, and me. Now, she is even doing it in front of us. Then if I stand up to her, she makes me look like a bitch. I stood up to her on our 5th wedding anniversary, we (my husband and I) were both working full time and had a good life. She told me at that time that we weren't making enough money and we needed to get off our butts. I told her that it was our lives, our choice and she needed to respect that. 3 yrs later, my spouse has been in a depression and hasnt' worked for over a yr. He just took a job that is straight commission, and is in training. (They are not paying him until training is over.) I have stood by this man, I have been loyal and loving and put up with his personal "midlife" crisis. We were recently visiting his family, at brunch his mother says something rude about my father who wasn't even at brunch, and who has recently spent a lot of time helping my husband and I renovate our home. I just about lost it. Instead of blowing up at her, I told her that my father had done a lot for us lately. I thought my husband would also jump to my Dad's defence but he did nothing. I finished breakfast, went downstairs (to his parent's place) and told my husband at the top of my lungs that I was leaving. If he didn't straighten things out with him family, then I would but that would be the last straw. He ended up packing up all of our stuff and he left with me after talking to his parents. He does defend me but it is always after the fact, and never in the moment when we are all present. I'm thinking I don't want the rest of my life to be guerilla warfare with his monster-of a mother, but I'm not sure that I want a divorce. (That is what she wants after all.) I'm so sad, hurt, and tired of this all. Thank God we live 3 hours away. I've decided I will only see them 1 - 2 times per year if the situation isn't resolved quickly. I'm so disappointed in my husband, yet part of me still loves him and realizes his mother will never change.

[chloe1234]

Nobody who disrespected me like that would get through the front door of my house. And if my husband didnt stand up for me he could p.iss off too.

Although I must say when I was younger I did put up with it.
I think you should put them in their place as soon as possible and as nicely as possible but make it clear that they wont be welcome back until they behave in a respectable manner.
You cant change others. But you can make the rules in your own home!

What a fabulous post!! That could be me writing that. I am exactly like you now, but I to when I was younger did put up with it.

My BF's mom is a bitter old bitch. Him+I have a fantastic life together, we own our own lovely home+have good careers, he is 23+I am 24. But his brother is 28+a fat slob, he is still at home, has no job, in loads of debt and completley dependent on her, but he is the golden boy!!! WHAT??????

This is what she wishes my BF was like, she wants him back home, she wants him completely dependent on her. She will only be happy if this day came. I just cant stand listening to the silly cow. When he is tired from work she says to him he should just give up work, have a rest like his brother-'oh ok what about the mortgage, the bills etc' GOD she makes me so angry!!

She hates me cus she knows I am a strong women, I have drive+ambition+her son worships me. The thing is my BF often says to me that if he hadnt met me, he could possibly be just like his brother now which really scares him, I pushed him to work+succed+now he is a success cus of me. This makes me happy to hear him say that (I also believe this has some truth as he DID worship his brother back when I met him) His silly mother just cant c it this way though, she has never once said she is proud of him in anyway, when she defi should be with all he has acheived for such a young age, especially when his scummy brother is just lying in bed all day!!

My mom thinks she can c all this but she will never admit to it!!