I know of a couple cures that work.. but they are a little extreme...
A little cat at a house, I was house sitting, kept jumping up on my pant leg, digging its tiny needle sharp claws into my legs.. giving me wicked cold rushes and nasty sudden stings... I tried everything to convince the cat that I didn't want that!.. Nothing worked, so next time it did it, I grabbed it up and flung it at the wall hard... That worked...
At a place where I shared an apartment with a lady who totally fits the bill in the song that went something about a "large breasted dutch lady who tried to change my point of view"... She had tids so huge that everytime we went for a walk in uptown Toronto, too-soon we would have a train of
breast hungry dudes following us... a weird phenomenon it was... So one time it happened.. I gently pulls her hugemongus
breast out of her sweater, and gives that huge nipple a momentary tender kiss and suck, right in front of our train of big
breast loving stunned dudes... and they all just about shid themselves... They didn't know which way to run or look...
So I'd be petting her cat, and out of the blue it would flip over and around, and dig its claws into my hand, and bite hard... I had enough!.. Nothing worked to stop its attacks, so the next time it did it, I grabbed it up in a flash and bounced it off the ceiling hard... and made as if I was about to catch it, but at the last moment didn't catch it... It fell on its back, not having enough distance to flip over in mid air... and that was the end of its attacks...
I heard about a fellow who received an expensive cat as an unwanted gift... The first night it attacked his feet while he slept... and really scratched them up badly... He woke with the cat just going nuts on his foot, as if trying to kill the foot.. he grabbed the cat and flung it out a twelve story apartment window...
But pissing where you sleep.. that's blatant insult... That's personal... It knows what it's doing... It doesn't like you, and it is showing it in the best way it knows... If that happened to me, I'd probably grab up the cat and take it outside to the firewood pile, and chop off its head with an ax...
I was living in an apartment on the Strip in Toronto... My uncle left his new puppy in the apartment, for me to take care of while he took his new gf and her two rg's to Jamaica... First thing the little monkey does is squat on the carpet...
I cuts a hole in a cardboard box, and unrolls a whole roll of toilet paper into the box, in six foot strips, and makes a little nest of it, and sets it in the box, and caresses it till it goes to sleep...
After a couple hours out comes the little puppy, and squats on the carpet... I grabs it up in a flash, and keeping its feet to the floor, I fetches a strip of toilet paper out of the box, and holding it to the side of his mouth, I gently walks him to the toilet, and places the paper right beside the toilet.. then gently pokes his eye, then the paper, then his eye, then his dic, then the paper... and he pees on the paper...
A couple hours later he drags a strip of paper from his box, and places it beside the toilet, and pees on it... "Oh sigh" thinks I...
My uncle and his monkeys return from their little holiday.. and when they see the pup dragging its paper, they all laugh at it and ridicule it... and it goes back to pissing on the carpet... I gets home, and there's pee spots everywhere... I dump the apartment, and spend one night at my uncle's place, before I move to another city... Toronto was intended to be only a temporary visit anyway...
So I'm sleeping on the couch, and the pup jumps up, and pisses on my chest.. in revenge for me having "set it up" for all that laughter and ridicule... I grabs up the pup, and sets it in the tub, and pizzes on its head...
So.. Have you got a sharp Ax, and a solid block of wood..?
