New partner is strict on my daughter - please read

[Verve]

Oh the next time she thinks about throwing away someones clothes, tell her she can throw away anything in her closet that she has PAID for.

[Guest]

Drinker - piss off you moron.


Verve

[Big Balls]

With regard the issue of smacking her own daughter, thats up to her, i dont agree with smacking children, and would never raise a hand to my own. If someone, regardless of who i.e new partner or relative or friend, smacked my kids, i'd smack them right back.

[noodles]

With regard the issue of smacking her own daughter, thats up to her, i dont agree with smacking children, and would never raise a hand to my own. If someone, regardless of who i.e new partner or relative or friend, smacked my kids, i'd smack them right back.

Yep - then show them a very open front door.

[Guest]

With regard the issue of smacking her own daughter, thats up to her, i dont agree with smacking children, and would never raise a hand to my own. If someone, regardless of who i.e new partner or relative or friend, smacked my kids, i'd smack them right back.

Yep - then show them a very open front door.

Then again - I suppose she's only behaving how shes been allowed to - maybe harsh words are needed all round.

[Mandy_38]

WOnder if anyone can advise me.

I met a wonderful woman 12 months ago who has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I too have a 10 year daugheter who lives full time with me. No problems there, we all get on fine.

Last month we all moved in together. Her daughter is what I would say a girly girl. Her mother dresses her in skirts or dresses. My daughter is a bit on the tomboy side.

So here is the problem. My new partner now gets my daughter to wear a skirt most of the time and has thrown out most of her trousers. My daughter is quite docile and rarely complains, but I can see she isn't happy about wear a skirt or having her in bunchies.

The other thing is I allowed my daughter to wear tights to school. She has now banned her from wearing tights sayings she is too young and shes now goes to school in knee socks like her daughter. I suppose she is trying to get everything equal but should I say anything?

She also does smack her own daughter if she is naughty, (which is rare). Do you think she would apply the discipline to my daughter.

Please advise as I don't want to rock the boat with my new partner.

I think 10 is far too young to wear tights for school and socks are far more appropriate at that age. How would the 12 year old feel having to wear knee socks when a girl two years her junior is allowed tights. It would be humiliating. If they were several years older then they could both wear tights for school. I would go along with your partner's wishes.

As to smacking that's a different matter. This lady is entitled to smack her own daughter but should not smack yours unless you give her permission. You should discuss this with your partner and agree some ground rules including at what age the girls should be allowed tights instead of socks and whether they should both always wear dresses and skirts and not trousers.

I can see this lady's problem. She wants to bring up her daughter in a certain way and yet not let her child think her younger "sister" is being allowed more grown up privileges. Tricky. But sensible discussion should resolve matters.

[Rex46]

I think your partner is doing the right thing and is trying to harmonise her treatment of the two girls. I agree with the previous correspondent and would say that 10 is far far too young for a girl to wear tights. She should be in white socks and both girls should wear them for several more years.

I agree with reasonable corporal punishment and your partner does have a right to smack your daughter as she does her own PROVIDED you are in agreement. It would be tough on the older girl if she was smacked but her younger "sister" was not. The two girls should be treated the same.

[Laura_Field_35]

I think your partner is doing the right thing and is trying to harmonise her treatment of the two girls. I agree with the previous correspondent and would say that 10 is far far too young for a girl to wear tights. She should be in white socks and both girls should wear them for several more years.

I agree with reasonable corporal punishment and your partner does have a right to smack your daughter as she does her own PROVIDED you are in agreement. It would be tough on the older girl if she was smacked but her younger "sister" was not. The two girls should be treated the same.

Mixed reactions here. As a mother I can't really see the problem with wearing tights other than the cost. My dd is 10 and is not asking to wear tights. I can't really see a problem.

As for smacking, depends. Some people go way over the top. If its just a slap on the legs in certain situations I suppose it is okay. I have smacked my dd occassionally but it is rare. I agree that both girls should be treated the same but thick school tights - well whats the problem?

[Guest]

I think your partner is doing the right thing and is trying to harmonise her treatment of the two girls. I agree with the previous correspondent and would say that 10 is far far too young for a girl to wear tights. She should be in white socks and both girls should wear them for several more years.

I agree with reasonable corporal punishment and your partner does have a right to smack your daughter as she does her own PROVIDED you are in agreement. It would be tough on the older girl if she was smacked but her younger "sister" was not. The two girls should be treated the same.

Mixed reactions here. As a mother I can't really see the problem with wearing tights other than the cost. My dd is 10 and is not asking to wear tights. I can't really see a problem.

As for smacking, depends. Some people go way over the top. If its just a slap on the legs in certain situations I suppose it is okay. I have smacked my dd occassionally but it is rare. I agree that both girls should be treated the same but thick school tights - well whats the problem?

And how do you harmonise 2 totally different people - doh. Just cause they're girls doenst mean they're gonna feel the same about everything and have the same identity. Kids should be brought up to harnesses there differences as well as similarities - thats what makes us who we are!

[Guest-at-1pm]

These two girls should be treated the same as they are close in age and still kids. Simple as that.

[Mary_X]

WOnder if anyone can advise me.

I met a wonderful woman 12 months ago who has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I too have a 10 year daugheter who lives full time with me. No problems there, we all get on fine.

Last month we all moved in together. Her daughter is what I would say a girly girl. Her mother dresses her in skirts or dresses. My daughter is a bit on the tomboy side.

So here is the problem. My new partner now gets my daughter to wear a skirt most of the time and has thrown out most of her trousers. My daughter is quite docile and rarely complains, but I can see she isn't happy about wear a skirt or having her in bunchies.

The other thing is I allowed my daughter to wear <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> to school. She has now banned her from wearing <A HREF='http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/catalog/default.php/cPath/23_52' target='_blank'>tights</A> sayings she is too young and shes now goes to school in knee socks like her daughter. I suppose she is trying to get everything equal but should I say anything?

She also does smack her own daughter if she is naughty, (which is rare). Do you think she would apply the discipline to my daughter.

Please advise as I don't want to rock the boat with my new partner.

Gary

Your girls must now be 14 and 12. Do they still wear knee socks and their hair in bunches? Does your partner still smack her daughter and more importantly does she smack yours?

My 16 year old daughter wears white knee socks for school and elsewhere but I allow her tights for special occasions such as attending parties and weddings. I also still administer the occasional smack but this is rare as thankfully she is well behaved.

[The Colonel]

[Guest]

Doesn’t this show the decline in this Parenting Board since the original post was made? Here we have a father who was genuinely concerned for his daughter because his new partner brings up her own daughter differently. Many households these days have partners with where there are children from previous relationships, and the children suddenly become step siblings.

It must be bad for the ten year old to be suddenly told she can’t wear trousers (that she feels comfortable in) and have to wear dresses and skirts all the time like your step sister, and to be told you must wear white knee socks and have your hair in bunches as well! Conversely it wouldn’t be much fun for the older girl if the younger one was allowed to dress more maturely. I guess something had to give and the parents surely would have had to compromise to some degree.

I doubt if the man still bothers looking at this board, so I don’t we will ever know if the girls till wear hair in bunches and how the mother treats them if they misbehave. I would hope they are treated like normal 12 and 14 year olds and not abused in any way.