please help!!! should we stay together???

[alh]

we've been together 5 years expecting our 2nd child next month. We've got kids together & much more but we're both not happy! We've been through so much & managed to survive it though.

one big problem is - he really wants to go 2 pub when he wants without askin me, but why should i sit in watchin our child and tidy our house while he's out spendin money livin his life?
but i feel he doesnt ever want to do anything with me, he'd rather his family or friends were there!
Also i do make a big deal of everything, i'm always goin on bout our money n stuff n he hates that but sometimes i wonder if i'm makin a big deal of little things coz i dont want to be with him.
one more major thing is i dont have really close family or any friends so he is all i have really

I think we're kind o both scared to say wat should be said.....

please let me know what u think? as i am just so confused now!

[Bouncy]

he really wants to go 2 pub when he wants without askin me, but why should i sit in watchin our child and tidy our house while he's out spendin money livin his life?

Why does he have to ask for permission to go to the pub?

Sitting and watching your child is part of being a responsible parent. You should have researched that before having them if you weren't ready to do so.

Obviously he's made the choice as to how he will live his life. So should you. Make a choice and quit bitchin' about it.

[alh]

he really wants to go 2 pub when he wants without askin me, but why should i sit in watchin our child and tidy our house while he's out spendin money livin his life?

Why does he have to ask for permission to go to the pub?

Sitting and watching your child is part of being a responsible parent. You should have researched that before having them if you weren't ready to do so.

Obviously he's made the choice as to how he will live his life. So should you. Make a choice and quit bitchin' about it.

obviously ur a man!!!! only thing u focussed on is the pub part.
I know my responsibilities thank u very much, my kids r. how can u say i should research being a parent wat coz i'm a women wat about his responsibilities as a father eh???

[Fred75]

we've been together 5 years expecting our 2nd child next month. We've got kids together & much more but we're both not happy! We've been through so much & managed to survive it though.

one big problem is - he really wants to go 2 pub when he wants without askin me, but why should i sit in watchin our child and tidy our house while he's out spendin money livin his life?
but i feel he doesnt ever want to do anything with me, he'd rather his family or friends were there!
Also i do make a big deal of everything, i'm always goin on bout our money n stuff n he hates that but sometimes i wonder if i'm makin a big deal of little things coz i dont want to be with him.
one more major thing is i dont have really close family or any friends so he is all i have really

I think we're kind o both scared to say wat should be said.....

please let me know what u think? as i am just so confused now!

So tell us... did he do that to when you dated?
Or have you changed and no longer treat him like your boyfriend?

See, men are easy, tell us your horny and want to fool around and we stay in the house.

Give us a hard time and we seek out those that appreciate us more.
Like our bar buddies.


So try acting like you did when you wanted and had to have him.

[Bouncy]

obviously ur a man!!!! only thing u focussed on is the pub part.
I know my responsibilities thank u very much, my kids r. how can u say i should research being a parent wat coz i'm a women wat about his responsibilities as a father eh???

No I'm not a man. The "pub part" was just my opening sentence. You did read the rest. Right?

I don't buy into the whole scheme that people have to ask permission of their partners in the way you seem to expect.

You're the one who said "he really wants to go 2 pub when he wants without askin me, but why should i sit in watchin our child and tidy our house while he's out spendin money livin his life? "

Why should you sit in watching your child? Because it's your responsibility to do so. Just because he's irresponsible, doesn't mean you have the right to be either. So quit bitchin' and do what's right!

[Cambridge]

obviously ur a man!!!! only thing u focussed on is the pub part.
I know my responsibilities thank u very much, my kids r. how can u say i should research being a parent wat coz i'm a women wat about his responsibilities as a father eh???

No I'm not a man. The "pub part" was just my opening sentence. You did read the rest. Right?

I don't buy into the whole scheme that people have to ask permission of their partners in the way you seem to expect.

You're the one who said "he really wants to go 2 pub when he wants without askin me, but why should i sit in watchin our child and tidy our house while he's out spendin money livin his life? "

Why should you sit in watching your child? Because it's your responsibility to do so. Just because he's irresponsible, doesn't mean you have the right to be either. So quit bitchin' and do what's right!

I got your point, Bouncy. I think she’s contributing to the problem more than she’s willing to admit. Good perception.

Oh, and alh I am a man...and someday you will have to deal with us if you want a normal relationship. Then again, maybe you just want to bitch and moan and turn men away. Why is he chasing off to the pub rather than enjoying the plesure of your company?

[Verve]

we've been together 5 years expecting our 2nd child next month. We've got kids together & much more but we're both not happy! We've been through so much & managed to survive it though.

one big problem is - he really wants to go 2 pub when he wants without askin me, but why should i sit in watchin our child and tidy our house while he's out spendin money livin his life?
but i feel he doesnt ever want to do anything with me, he'd rather his family or friends were there!
Also i do make a big deal of everything, i'm always goin on bout our money n stuff n he hates that but sometimes i wonder if i'm makin a big deal of little things coz i dont want to be with him.
one more major thing is i dont have really close family or any friends so he is all i have really

I think we're kind o both scared to say wat should be said.....

please let me know what u think? as i am just so confused now!

Bouncy's point is that he is not one of your children. He is your spouse. A grow person doesn't have to ask permission. He has to be courteous to you and inform you he'll be going to the pub. That's all he has to do.

Now if you want your freedom inform him your going out with your girlfriends. Pick a night and go out and enjoy a dinner with friends. You can't be that pregnant that you don't want to do anything. You need to get your own life. He has his you should get yours.

Do you have a job? Have you worked your entire marriage?

[alh]

we've been together 5 years expecting our 2nd child next month. We've got kids together & much more but we're both not happy! We've been through so much & managed to survive it though.

one big problem is - he really wants to go 2 pub when he wants without askin me, but why should i sit in watchin our child and tidy our house while he's out spendin money livin his life?
but i feel he doesnt ever want to do anything with me, he'd rather his family or friends were there!
Also i do make a big deal of everything, i'm always goin on bout our money n stuff n he hates that but sometimes i wonder if i'm makin a big deal of little things coz i dont want to be with him.
one more major thing is i dont have really close family or any friends so he is all i have really

I think we're kind o both scared to say wat should be said.....

please let me know what u think? as i am just so confused now!

Bouncy's point is that he is not one of your children. He is your spouse. A grow person doesn't have to ask permission. He has to be courteous to you and inform you he'll be going to the pub. That's all he has to do.

Now if you want your freedom inform him your going out with your girlfriends. Pick a night and go out and enjoy a dinner with friends. You can't be that pregnant that you don't want to do anything. You need to get your own life. He has his you should get yours.

Do you have a job? Have you worked your entire marriage?

I have just started college again n we're not married, ment 2 b engaged! I have no one 2 do things with n he wouldnt mind me goin out anyway.
so more or less everyone thinks its me then??? good 2 know

[Bouncy]

I'll bring cake for the pity party.

You made your choices. Complaining won't change them. Assigning fault won't change them either.

[alh]

:roll: I'll bring cake for the pity party.

You made your choices. Complaining won't change them. Assigning fault won't change them either.

listen i dont want pitty just advice, so get over urself!
i'll take advice but not bein made out 2 b an idiot. this is me tryin 2 figure out wats best for all of us.
one thing i'm not perfect hell no, but dont sit there n assume its all me thats at fault 50/50 in our relationship. its hard to explain it all in one paragraph ok

[Bouncy]

*cuts a slice of cake and gets comfy*

I never said it was all your fault. You're the one jumping to those conclusions:

"so more or less everyone thinks its me then??? good 2 know"

He's decided he's going to spend time at the pub when he likes. You've decided you're going to stay home and take care of the kids. Someone has to, right?

You made your choices. You chose this guy to be the father of your children. Perhaps you should have found out a little earlier where his priorities lay before having kids.

There are two types of people in this world; walkers and talkers. Walkers go ahead and do what it is they want to and spend less time talking about it or asking permission to do it. That sounds like your partner. Talkers merely talk about what they'd like to do, what they want to change, what they should do, what they can't do but wish they could. You're a talker. You can talk all you want about what needs to change, but until you actually get off your chuff and make the changes yourself, everything is going to stay exactly the same.

You don't need advice about what to do. You should already know. You're in a miserable situation and you need to change it. Have a wee think as to how you can do that. Then do it.

Or you can sit back and make a list of excuses why you can't make a change and remain miserable. Your choice.

[Verve]

I have just started college again n we're not married, ment 2 b engaged! I have no one 2 do things with n he wouldnt mind me goin out anyway.
so more or less everyone thinks its me then??? good 2 know

Not another one ...

Why honey... Do you even have a ring? Are you getting financial assistance from your province? Is your education free, based on you having children? Most importantly how old are you?

Bouncy's advice is on point. It's the Nike logo. Just do it!

[Qwynn]

I have to agree with Bouncy.

[panty-man]

Hello Alh,

It seems that your guy is happy and your not..

So, as Bouncy says you have to be the one to bring about some change, why? because someone who is living as they want and are therefore happy will feel no need for change.

Your second child is coming, you need to get things to a point that makes you happy now.

The posters above may come across a bit harsh but maybe its just that you know what is being said is right albeit difficult to face.

Good luck.

[alh]

I have just started college again n we're not married, ment 2 b engaged! I have no one 2 do things with n he wouldnt mind me goin out anyway.
so more or less everyone thinks its me then??? good 2 know

Not another one ...

Why honey... Do you even have a ring? Are you getting financial assistance from your province? Is your education free, based on you having children? Most importantly how old are you?

Bouncy's advice is on point. It's the Nike logo. Just do it!

well i dont feel we're at a good enough stage for us 2 b engaged so I dont wear the ring! i get fundin at college, he works, he pays bills n i save for us. I am 22 n he is 26