See a analyst and have just made a major breakthrough about my core problem of fatalism. Have to find a way to work around it / kill it / deal with it to have a better life ..............and want to very badly .
But for a few nites before every appointment I have awful nightmares about death . Sometimes more then one . Last nite it was being in bed seing a male figure coming at me with a knife and I was too scared to move then being in my car making a turn to look out the window to see a huge truck heading right at me . The wildest was 2 nites ago being in a old 1930's movie in black and white inside a huge rock next the ocean with several other people . People are just non-chalantly talking how we're all going to die like we were going out for coffee.We're trapped inside the rock and water will get in & drown us . I see one man at the foot of the cliff looking at a boat but another man speaking from a cave inside tells him it's no use trying to escape , the tide will get him . Then I go back in to see one man strapped to a chair with 2 women hanging by there feet topless all just waiting for the water that will kill us .
Guess the dreams may be the awful feelings way of fighting against being confronted ? I am scared but have to keep working on this awful feeling no matter what or how many nightmares I have ............
