Hi everyone,
I need a little help as my small male mind is struggling to work out what is best to do in my relationship. To start, let me give you a little bit of background knowledge.
I started "Going Out" officially with my girlfriend on the 22nd September 2004, and we have now been together for just over 6 months, during this period, on the 16th December 2004, my mother died, i'm only 23 and my mother was only 58, so what I am saying is that there was a period of about two months when I was very down.
Anyway, prior to my mothers death, my partner and I enjoyed an excellent relationship, very affectionate, warm etc. We would generally see each other three/four times a week and maybe have sex three out of those four times. She would stay at mine generally once a week and this would be the only time that we slept together overnight.
During the period when my mother died, the frequency of us seeing each other increased to everyday and my girlfriend was brilliant at supporting me and caring for me through this time, after a couple of months however, some things in the relationship have changed, I myself am still the same person although my partner would appear to have changed. We now see each other six times a week, often for a full evening or full day, we sleep overnight together probably five times a week. Incidentally, she is 19 years old.
Whilst a lot of the affection is still there and my girlfriend tells me she loves me and misses me when i'm not there, sex has become a massive issue, mainly due to the fact that we probably have it once every two weeks and it is always intitiated by me. She is no longer interested in sex at all. Previously she has been very willing in this department but no longer. When I approach her on the subject she starts crying and saying that i'm always picking on her on this subject, but I merely ask what's wrong.
I would very much like to bring her sexual interest back for me but i'm struggling to work out how. Everything else is pretty much excellent. I mean, we are extremely affectionate towards each other and rarely argue. I find it strange that possesions and keep sakes from her ex boyfriend remain on top her wardrobe (She split from her ex over 1.5 years ago), I have asked for the them to be removed and she says she will do it when she has time but she never does. Also she retains a lot of mens contacts on her Messenger and Mobile Phone, this makes me uneasy and I have told her, she says she has deleted a lot but from what I can see, none have gone.
I need to put some spark back...I have tried a lot, on Sunday we went to London and when on the London Eye, Saturday we went to the Cinema, so we have an active relationship together, we don't just sit around all the time. I need new ideas.
This has prompted me to mention one other thing, I have never been clubbing with her in her own town, whenever I mention it, there is always an excuse not to. We live in seperate towns, 20 miles apart and she often clubs with me at my town. However, her friends never take thier blokes out with them, so she says it makes it difficult for us to go out. I say that we could go out seperately and she agree's but this never happens.
Finally, I know my girlfriend has kept things from me in the past, one man that she had year old e-mails from, she insists that he was merely a friend although I have seen such e-mails (which have now been deleted by her) and they are engaged in flirting and she tells him she has kissed a girl, when I ask her is she has done that, she flately says no. Whenever, I say that this man was more, she gets angry and defensive and asks why I don't believe her. Obviously she does not know I have read the mails.
I guess, after writing all of this, is I would like some perspective on my relationship, I would like someone to help me encourage the sex and maybe make some pointers as to things that I should have noticed!
I look forward to hearing from all of you.
