I can't get over my ex-girlfriend

[poetrygirl08]

I haven't been going out with my ex for that long, but I've gotton so close to him. I'm not the 'let your feeling out' type of girl, so really I always hide my feeling from him. I hate feeling vulnerable and getting too close to a person, I keep my distance. But when we were going out, he was so affectionate. I loved how he would hold my hand and kiss me. He liked me because of my personality. I know I'm pretty, but he didn't go out with me because of that. And thats why I liked him so much. BUt recently he been getting distant. Its been for about two weeks and we both didn't say anything about it. I felt it, but I didn't say anthing, untill thursday, when I told him 'somethings not right with us' while we were walking to the busses (I'm in high school - senior). He didn't respond when I said it. And when he walked me to my bus he just stood there. Usually we would kiss n whateva, but I jus waited to see if he would say anything, but he didn't, so I just wlaked in the bus. In 5th block the next day he didn't even look at me, (I didn't see him all moning). But he walked to my locker and on the way to lunch I told him we should break up before we start resenting eachother. He acted all nonchalant about it so I acted as if I didn't care either, but really I do. And really he doesn't express himself that much either, other then the holding and touching. But It's been three days now. I miss him so much. He acts as if I'm not there and looks right through me when we're in class. I want him back, but I don't know how.

[firstOneGone]

The ex and I went out for 3yrs. We broke up 2.5yrs ago.
We started being friends again, but its weird. 2 months ago I would have told you that I had no interest in him and that it was strictly friendship. Ask me that today and I'd tell you "I dont know, I am not sure". All I know is that I think of him a lot. Do I want him back? possibly.. does he want me back? I dont know. Either way, I cannot keep on wondering and guessing and driving myself crazy soooooooo... tonite I am going to tell him about these recent feelings... what am i gona say and how Im gona say it... I dont know.. all I know is that I cam calling him tonite and laying it all in the line.

at least tomorrow I'll know for sure .

[DEEPLY HURT]

In my case, I've known this girl for 3 years and half and at the beginning, I took her for granted. I'm 22 now, so I met her when I was just 19 and she had turned 18. Well everything went fine the first months. Her and my mom were the best of friends. She was like my first girlfriend, my first intimate relationship and believe it or not, we never had sex, so we are still both virgins but of course, we have done pretty much everything else if you know what I mean. Well for some reason I started getting too jealous with her untill I lost control of my self and would scream at her and hurt her by grabing her and stuff like that. She would never say anything, and if she did, she still couldn't let me go. But we still managed to be together. But close to our 2nd year in summer of 2006, she left me for another guy and it got me so hard that I couldn't believe it. Well I told her that I was going to go far away cuz I couldn't handle the fact that she was dating someone else and she started bursting into tears. The thing is, me and her still made out and cared for each other while she was with that guy for 2 months. Meaning; she cheated on him. Well one day close to their 2 months. I was just waiting for them to arrive in his car and I just wanted to see them both kiss and then I thought I would never want to see her again after seeing that, well they came and I didn't do what i supposed to, I instead approached them in the car and just started beating the crap out of the guy and it was bad and I just left. 2 days later I call her and she says that I should be happy now cuz the guy left her for the simple fact that she didn't wanna put any charges against me with the cops and so the guy got mad and left. Well everything was fine after ONE week and we were so happy again, but then in January of 2007, her and her ex got back together and it broke my heart. Well, we ended up cheating on him again and he never knew. They broke up on Valentines DAY last year cuz she didn't love him but she loved me. Well someone how 2 weeks later we FIGHT hard and I call her EX to see if she's with him, he says no to leave him alone but I tell him that me and my EX cheated on him ONCE again. It got him hard and so he just wished me luck with her, and he told me that people that cheat don't change anymore. So he never wanted to hear about her anymore. Well around late FEBRUARY of 2006, she was talking to a guy in myspace, and for some reason, it wasn't even a week, and she decided to meet him at his house and they ended up being INTIMATE except the SEX part cuz she has her beliefs. I just found out recently cuz we have been ON and OFF all this time and it hurts me so much what she did with that guy. Right now she says she HATES me and that she can't stand being around me but here I am like an idiot begging her, crying, buying her food, taking her from place to place cuz she doesn't drive, so that's all I basically am to her now, a TAXI and a nice bodyguard Now she tells me she don't love me no more and that she doesn't see nothing with me. But then again, when things cool off, we end up being intimate but she only things about the pleasure cuz to make it worse, she just told me that less than a month ago I feel like she is using me so much and takes me for granted. I have never felt like this for a person and I've been so close to her for the last years. The only person that makes me cry cuz with other people I'm just too STRONG and never show emotions, but with her, I'm different, I keep crying in front of her and she just laughs and tells me that I have hurt so much now that she hates me and can't stand me anymore. She's happy when she wants and MEAN as well. I don't know what to do anymore. My only fear is, if I stop talking to her, she's going to go with other guyz and it's going to kill me anymore, so I try to BEG her so I can see her as much as possible and that's low from my part. It's ruining me and my job, money, college and my family. My family is shattered for everything I've done against them cuz of my EX, I'm just too hopeful that she's going to get back with me but I guess not. She just told me that she dont care no more and that I'm just an evil person EVIL when I'm there for her SERVICE 24/7? I don't know what to do, can someone tell me what to do? She is just too resented and she gets too EVIL when I act jealous or say stuff but it's normal, she has done stuff with other guyz and how can I not get a little paranoid and ask her a few questions that in fact, gets her so pissed and violent at me? PLEASE HELP ME. I CAN'T FIND THE DOOR ANYMORE TO HAPPINESS.

[DEEPLY HURT]

In my case, I've known this girl for 3 years and half and at the beginning, I took her for granted. I'm 22 now, so I met her when I was just 19 and she had turned 18. Well everything went fine the first months. Her and my mom were the best of friends. She was like my first girlfriend, my first intimate relationship and believe it or not, we never had sex, so we are still both virgins but of course, we have done pretty much everything else if you know what I mean. Well for some reason I started getting too jealous with her untill I lost control of my self and would scream at her and hurt her by grabing her and stuff like that. She would never say anything, and if she did, she still couldn't let me go. But we still managed to be together. But close to our 2nd year in summer of 2006, she left me for another guy and it got me so hard that I couldn't believe it. Well I told her that I was going to go far away cuz I couldn't handle the fact that she was dating someone else and she started bursting into tears. The thing is, me and her still made out and cared for each other while she was with that guy for 2 months. Meaning; she cheated on him. Well one day close to their 2 months. I was just waiting for them to arrive in his car and I just wanted to see them both kiss and then I thought I would never want to see her again after seeing that, well they came and I didn't do what i supposed to, I instead approached them in the car and just started beating the crap out of the guy and it was bad and I just left. 2 days later I call her and she says that I should be happy now cuz the guy left her for the simple fact that she didn't wanna put any charges against me with the cops and so the guy got mad and left. Well everything was fine after ONE week and we were so happy again, but then in January of 2007, her and her ex got back together and it broke my heart. Well, we ended up cheating on him again and he never knew. They broke up on Valentines DAY last year cuz she didn't love him but she loved me. Well someone how 2 weeks later we FIGHT hard and I call her EX to see if she's with him, he says no to leave him alone but I tell him that me and my EX cheated on him ONCE again. It got him hard and so he just wished me luck with her, and he told me that people that cheat don't change anymore. So he never wanted to hear about her anymore. Well around late FEBRUARY of 2006, she was talking to a guy in myspace, and for some reason, it wasn't even a week, and she decided to meet him at his house and they ended up being INTIMATE except the SEX part cuz she has her beliefs. I just found out recently cuz we have been ON and OFF all this time and it hurts me so much what she did with that guy. Right now she says she HATES me and that she can't stand being around me but here I am like an idiot begging her, crying, buying her food, taking her from place to place cuz she doesn't drive, so that's all I basically am to her now, a TAXI and a nice bodyguard Now she tells me she don't love me no more and that she doesn't see nothing with me. But then again, when things cool off, we end up being intimate but she only things about the pleasure cuz to make it worse, she just told me that less than a month ago I feel like she is using me so much and takes me for granted. I have never felt like this for a person and I've been so close to her for the last years. The only person that makes me cry cuz with other people I'm just too STRONG and never show emotions, but with her, I'm different, I keep crying in front of her and she just laughs and tells me that I have hurt so much now that she hates me and can't stand me anymore. She's happy when she wants and MEAN as well. I don't know what to do anymore. My only fear is, if I stop talking to her, she's going to go with other guyz and it's going to kill me anymore, so I try to BEG her so I can see her as much as possible and that's low from my part. It's ruining me and my job, money, college and my family. My family is shattered for everything I've done against them cuz of my EX, I'm just too hopeful that she's going to get back with me but I guess not. She just told me that she dont care no more and that I'm just an evil person EVIL when I'm there for her SERVICE 24/7? I don't know what to do, can someone tell me what to do? She is just too resented and she gets too EVIL when I act jealous or say stuff but it's normal, she has done stuff with other guyz and how can I not get a little paranoid and ask her a few questions that in fact, gets her so pissed and violent at me? PLEASE HELP ME. I CAN'T FIND THE DOOR ANYMORE TO HAPPINESS.

[Guest]

pussy

[repressed feelings]

Wow I feel for all of you, especially the guys who are speaking out. It really allows me to recognize some of the pain that is suppressed, buried, and hidden behind the masculine persona of the guy that doesn't need to let his feelings show. With some of you, I wish I could be there with you to help you through the grief of loss.

- - - - - - - - - - - -
I'm 25 and my ex bf is 26. I don't know who to talk to about this, who to reach out to, but yesterday I saw my ex _. We chatted for two hours about mundane things, but suddenly the memory of him has me reading through this forum. I guess I need to vent, I need to process my thoughts, but also seek some advice or feedback.

...Even though he brushes it off, I sense that he's been suffering and having an impossible time getting over me. It's stabbing him. He actually mentions that he still kept all sorts of mementos/letters/gifts that I gave him and thinks of me especially often despite his girlfriends and sexual experiences. That I was his best friend and he lost someone who was the center of his life who during the romance part 'treated him like a king.' Part of me is now like "stupid idiot, serves you right. I win!" and very relieved I threw out all the photos, the gifts and deleted the emails. Part of me suddenly can't stop thinking about him and what this means.

Ughhhh.

...Me...I thought I was so over him, and if anything I was still a twinge resentful even though I made it a point to let it all go and be the type of person that could had the capacity to 'be there for him' and in fact, four years' memory has faded to the point that at present I can hardly recall what he looks like exactly.

In the first months after he (and on his parents' advice) said an abrupt goodbye, I almost became solely focused in wanting him back, sending letters and calling, to which he said coldly, "What do you want from me?" I know I called for one or two hours, which annoyed him, and I became so clingy I hated myself for it.

I'm so glad he's in Spain and not over here, because fresh after he betrayed me and lied to me (more below), all I could think were violent/revenge thoughts when I remember how much guilt, pain and sorrow overwhelmed me months on end. I just had manic episodes of wanting to cry, to shut out the thoughts, and feeling so jilted and depressed and not good enough. But now all of that has finally dissolved to apathy and indifference, except when I see him through MySpace or when he pops _, somehow these sharp intense feelings surge inside of me again.

Rationalizing calmly, my life is pretty great now, very prosperous, full of philanthropy and I told him that even though I'm 25 I've saved enough to buy a home, that my beau is being promoted from project manager to opening an office overseas and advancing prodigiously. It's also obvious that since then, the ex-boyfriend hasn't been doing quite as well and really settled for mediocrity.

It's been over a year since the last time he talked to me, and he wanted to meet me in my hometown in August of last year. (Just a background, he's really a shy and timid sort, really reserved, and he considered me out of his league; but I'm a one-guy faithful type and I really found him attractive in the shy way; and we became best friends and confidants. Yet somehow after being exclusive with me he really wanted to 'experiment' so he briskly left me to greener pastures, insisting he'd like to be friends.)

He has gone through three girlfriends and several affairs, one girl who he mentioned was like me but wasn't as attractive -!?!- (which when he told me sent me into a rabid fury, especially when he wants me to accept that they're 'normal') but I guess he didn't fully anticipate the aftermath of excruciating longing and regret. No contact absence for two years, my emotions were rock bottom devastated, but I threw all that grief into myself and career until it sparkled again.

So fast forward to yesterday, the re-connection. He confides?/admits?/slips? that I'm his first 'r-e-a-l' love, and therefore incomparably unique. The one he still thinks about all the time. He called me the endearing names, and how he was single now. He remarked that he always thought that I was talented, gifted and smart; that I undervalue myself and he didn't deserve someone like me, that I was his ideal girl. Looking at some of my travel pictures, he said that I was "hot" and he casually inquired about my current guy. I brushed aside those comments and he even blurted, "I really want to meet you again, do you think that'll happen?" It is almost as if he had been waiting for me to call him, write to him, or return to his arms again. (Admittedly part of me deeply wanted to.) But I'm so content with my current long-term boyfriend, and we talk about kids and buying a house stuff. Outside of feelings for him, all I clearly remember are the negative things of my ex.


...For the longest time of rejection, my heart doubted and couldn't accept that he loved me (I reasoned that he probably just thinks I'm doing well, that I've got a lot of social benefits that he lost, that I could hire him, that he's sustaining losses of a lover, a friend, all my other friends, etc) I found every possible explanation that he simply 'wasn't that into me.' Now, he's still hung up on it after all the turmoil of four years. Man, I don't see it subsiding even by 2010. I even feel a little sorry for him, and I'm so thankful I had all my friends and activities and the mental fortitude to pull me out. Whew. This is probably by far the BEST REACTION a girl can expect from being rejected, I can almost hear that "Survivor" and "I Will Survive" song in my ears.

Now I've got you outta my life, I'm so much better.
You thought that I'd be weak without you, but I'm stronger.
You thought that I'd be broke without you, but I'm richer.
You thought that I'd be sad without you, I laugh harder.

....I'm just really bothered that the event has triggered thinking about him all the time again, and getting in the way of my work. Am I secretly infatuated, or just particularly tuned into my once best friend and confidant?

If you want to know the truth, during most of this time the almost-suicidal pain that attacked from 2004 to 2006 always felt unreal because I felt his pain and I can't explain it besides the fact that that sensitivity and compassion is how I got to what I do today: I seem to have an acute ability to empathize and feel exactly the grieving and mourning a close friend is feeling, and feel it myself. After the dissolution and months of me not replying, he was feeling suicidal. Two years ago it was triggered crisis attacks of regret: "I've really messed up, I've lost her forever, I don't know what I can do" sort of doom and now it's anticipation: "She finally replied! I don't want to ruin it and I hope she knows how deeply I've realized I loved her but she's not going to be okay with the girlfriends I've had. I better be honest, but I don't want to tell her too much to leave me vulnerable."


Of course, my own self is fighting that and responding in silent mental debate, saying 'Yeah, finally. You didn't fully realize when you broke my heart, how hard the aftermath is going to be, eh? After all the hurtful things you said, after trying to be tough and shooting me down and all those snub remarks, I'm glad I resisted the temptation to respond to all of those birthday and casual-hello and Christmas emails for years. I'm glad that I didn't even give you the courtesy of a response, you don't betray someone, sleep around and expect the one you hurt to come welcome you with open arms. May you keep all the wistful reminders of me, my letters and my photos, and feel dissatisfied forever." Hey, I read that men have a much harder time getting over unrequited love than women, but let him agonize right? I mean, I wish him a lot of peace and a good life, and I don't wish him well at the same time.

Anyway thanks for listening. I don't mean to pull you into this, but believe me, writing it out is tremendously therapeutic. I hope you're cheering for me too, because you know how it feels to be let down, stomped on and cheated by someone you really cared about.

If he's going to have serial girlfriend after girlfriend, heartache after heartache, I suppose I'm glad that I was the first he held hands with and the one that deals the hardest blow. It's coming clear that even though he says little, he's aching and wrenched up and suffering inside. I guess I don't want to be a person that becomes swamped with bad energy because life is preciously short, and by 2062, I'll be 80 years old, and I don't want to think that someone spent five years of their best years of life longing and wishing for something that wasn't meant to be. It's just not the right time to meet him yet. I anticipate that if he gets within ten meters of me, or I to him, my knees will still feel weak, I won't be able to resist attraction and he'll fall hard for me again.

Still, in real life, we'll probably have friendly chat _. He's like that frenemy now, with more of the enemy than a friend. I don't trust him, and he knows it. Guys, do you think I'm being too insensitive?

I guess I learned... There are vast reservoirs of goodness and strength, despite the bad things and the pain and the dismal. I think hope, truth, love and compassion has tremendous power in them. Power to understand, power to hold all the pieces of life together. And deep inside I think sometimes, I get this concept more than he does. Thanks for reading, guys.

[Iknowiwill]

why i feel so pathetic!!! it;s been almost a year for me, and this is the first time that i have to say it...I CAN'T get over herrrrrrrrrrrrr. I hate myself do you know how i come to realize that? I was all day talking to myself arguing and telling her things in my head I feel as if i becoming crazy. I invented arguments, arguing with her that happened to you guys? i am not ugly, i can girls pretty easy but why i am like thissss!!! im not even want her back anymore she would be like a pain in the ass

[benny boy]

The saying 'Love hurts' is possibly the only saying that is true. Love really does hurt if the one you love doesn't feel the same way about you. I broke up with my ex 2 months ago at first i thought she just needed a break to sort things out. How wrong was i? I never thought that letting go of feelings could be so hard. I've tried everything but still the love for my ex won't go. I still don't know the real reason behind it all and y we split and whenever i ask she said she just wanted to be firends. I keep putting it down to her needing to feel loved, but i keep running other reasons through my mind. W met about a year ago and became good friends and on a couple of drunk nights became more than that. She was still seeing her ex at the time we started seeing each other which makes me wonder was i just an excuse for her to split with him. We had a great time together and like everyone had our bad patches.

I've tried to be just a friend to her yet all she seems to do is shove it back at me or just completely ignore me. It was only the other day when i realised that she has obviously moved on when she brought her new bloke into the pub i was drinking in knowing full well that i'd be there.

This is an unhealthy state to be in and no matter how hard we all try to get over that one person we can't stop thinking about, there will always be something no matter what cos if you really loved that person so much they will always be in your heart

[DGJ23]

I broke up with my ex 10 months ago. I was depresssed for the longest time ever. It is so hard on me still. We were together for 5.5 years. She has a new boyfriend that she has been with for 3 months. I still can't get over her. I went out with so many girls and slept with so many girls but I still cry for her every now and then. I just know that it is over and that I have to face reality.

[oak]

Well, this is for Patrick. If there is one person in this world who can relate to what you're probably experiencing, that's me. Cause I heard the same crap. I was with this girl for 5 and a half years. And just when i ran into a few problems (for no fault of my own) , she called me on the phone and told me that we were better of being 'friends'. I pleaded. I begged. I asked her is this break a break up? And after 5 and a half years of being together, when I had loved her more than perhaps even my family, she rudely said, "just leave me alone. I need a break"
It's been four months and she's in another country, so it's kind of helped. Getting over her. But I know. It's very difficult to let go. But you have to dude. Throw away all her pictures. Delete her emails. Don't listen to all those songs you heard with her or even those that made you think of her. Don't give into the temptation of calling her or giving her missed calls. Let go. It's difficult. I know so. But it has to be done/

[Guest]

[heartbrokenpeter]

i fell in love from the day i first put my eyes on my ex girlfreind she was 15 i was 16 we dint even say a word to each other and i asked her out straight away she accepted we got on so well but bein a kid i listend to my freinds and never turned up for the second date and left her waitin for me i felt so bad for hurting her like that but i did wot i did nehow i never stopped think9in of her and wen i was 18 she txt me sayin she wanted to meet me i acepted we hit it off straight away all that passion was still their and jus got stronger and stronger we dated for a year and 3 months and i truly love this girl with all my heart we broke up like six months ago and its got from bad to worse at hte beginning she didnt want to let go and we still kissed and was intimate together but as time went on she became cold and now freezing she seems to not even want to accept that i live on this planet and to say she was my best freind and wecould talk about nething and have been through so much together it kills me to see that she has erased me from her life completley i kno im never going to get over this one i tried throwing out the memories but just cudnt do it its all i have left of her i feel very depressed and upset ive tied everything to let her kno how much i care i seem to have lost all my self respect maybe thats wot killed her attraction i dnt kno but i did everything wrong in the break up period potentioally ruining wotever chance i have or had now wen i go out on a night out ill see her ill smile at her but she just looks right through me and the hurt i feel wen she does that feels like sumone pushing a knife straight through my heart i just dont understand how she can just forget about all that we had i was her first love too but shes jumped from one guy to next but had always kept it secret in a way tryin to respect my feelings i think but now its becoming more obvius that shes gunna show me these guys in public now for instance last night i walked up the stairs in a club and she was in the seating area with a guy i looked but had to leave the club i think she saw me leave which i didnt want her 2 coz now shes prob laughing at me in all this she still keeps a ring i gave to her it a family heirlume so she knos she cant keep it and basically its a symbol of our love for each other she still has it and has threatend to send it back a few times but hasnt wot does that mean well we dont even speak nemore and if we do she just gets angry at me or starts an argument i just would really like some advice form some one in a similar position or just nething pleae help some one out coz i seriously cannot deal with this at all .

[iminlovetoo]

Well, having read quite a few stories on here, I thought I'd post mine too - plus some opinions on this matter. Basically, about 5 years ago, I have found my 'true love' too. We hanged around as friends for a while, but then we kind of started kissing, and, I think, the total time we spent together was about a week (!!!). Yet, annoyingly enough, I know even now that she was the person I was meant to be with. I think of her nearly every day and, despite the fact that I have a family now, I still want us to be together and, if the opportunity presented itself, I'd do anything to be with her.

As for the people posting here this 'forget her' stuff... well, yes, it may be the most clinically sane thing to do, but I don't buy it. I just don't. I kind of know who my chosen is, I know who is my one true love. Why should I erase my feelings if they are true and correct, and my heart tells me that this is the one? I just don't get it, and I don't care how much clinical psychology went into determining that forgetting is 'the option for everyone'... not for me. Sorry. I'm afraid it doesn't always work like that.

[Pilchard 18]

Hi,

Been reading a few stories here and am sort of relieved to see that I'm not the only guy here who feels/has felt emotionally destroyed.

I have had similar experiences to some of the ppl on here - except mine took me 10years to get over. I don't know why - I just think I'm pretty sensitive.

Ironically my current situation it the one thats eating me up inside - it feels a little bit unique in a way:

I've been seeing a friend of mine for 5years - we've never been official. I put it down to the fact that I didnt want to get too close where I'd get hurt or where if we split up (if we were proper boyf and girlf) then I'd lose a dear friend.

Recently I could feel things had changed. She decided to end the 'arrangement'. I've now come to realise that I practically was in a relationship with her - it was exclusive. Now I'm wondering if I've lost the best thing I had - I'm still a bit confused as to whether I'm in love with her or not. Or maybe I'm just upset that she's ended things.

But to be honest I dont want to lose her and because it feels like we have split up (like a couple) I'm so scared I'm going to lose her. This is the thing I never wanted to happen in the first place (which is why I didnt want to become girlf/boyf).

She says her feelings have changed and she doesnt feel the same way anymore. All my reading suggests that I need to let her have space and get on with it - this way we will more likely get back together. The trouble is I in a situation whereby we will be sharing a bed in a few days. Bizarelly she asked me not to have sex with her - but in a round-about way admitting I was going to probably be staying in her bed.

I dont know whether to go through with staying with her on that night. It goes against the idea of space will win her back. But I want to go ahead to try and convince her she still has feelings for me. I'm pretty sure I love her and only now that she has gone I have realised that the best thing in my life for the past 10years and the perfect women was right next to me all that time (for 5 of those years sexually too).

I miss her so much atm and I need advice asap!

I think that us being together this last time (in a hotel so no interuption) is my make or break oppotunity to show her I love her and that we should be a proper couple and that (I hope) she can see she still has feelings for me.

[jayde x]

Wow, reading all these stories I would never have thought so many people felt the way I do. It seems to me that nobody feels the way I feel, and nobody understands me, but seeing this I can see a lot of people are feeling my pain.
Im a 16 year old girl, and I have been on and off with my ex/boyfriend for a year and a half. I met him at the beginning of last year, and as the weeks went by I fell in love with him. But then he got a girlfriend, was with her for 4 months, still telling me he loves me and coming to see me (although we never did anything because I refused behind her back). But eventually after 4 months they broke up, and he said it was for me. A week later he was seeing someone else, which broke my heart and I vowed never to speak to him again. However all I could think about was him, and they lasted only 2 weeks, and he said that he only was with her to get over his ex, because he didn't want us to have a relationship while he was still hooked on her. He made it up to me and we got together, we were together almost a month when he started telling people we weren't together and denying us, and he denied us to my face. So we broke up, and I was heartbroken, again. We didnt speak for about a month, but all I wanted was him, and then he came back, we made up and got back together. This time I lost my virginity to him. I thought he loved me. But the same thing happened after a month and I was so upset that when we broke up I got paralytically drunk almost every weekend for about a month. I then started to get myself back together, and actually thought I was getting over him. I saw other guys, although nobody compared to him, I was happy again. Then he came back after 2 months, telling me he still loves me and wants me back, but I took things slowly because I didnt want my heart broken all over again. And because I was ignoring his messages and rejecting his calls, he wouldn't leave me alone, and I felt finally in control. I went back to him 2 and a half months ago however, and this time it felt real. Everything was amazing with us and I thought this time would last. He told me he loved me, I saw him almost every day and although there were doubts in my mind about how much he had hurt me in the past, the only thing that mattered to me was that I loved him, as they say 'love is blind'. We had our arguments but we got through them and I thought we were stronger than ever. Then last weekend, I went out and he told me he was working, but walking up the street I saw him with his friends and his arms round another girl. I know he wouldnt cheat but seeing this broke my heart, and after everything he put me through something just clicked in my head and I had to end it. The next day I ended it, and he was horrible about it, telling me he never cared anyway, he never loved me, used me for sex and all that. I was so upset I cried all day. And the next day he was ringing me saying sorry asking to meet me, so he came to see me, telling me he loves me and hes sorry. And I was like sorry is just a word, you can't just come crawling back and expect me to jump into your arms every time. It was heartbreaking but I stuck to my word. Although we kissed and hugged I was like this doesn't change anything you did. He said he wasnt going to give up on us, and he would do anything but I've just had enough, I cant cope with the pain he puts me through. The thing with him is that even though he would be the one that made me cry, if he was there and hugging me telling me it would be okay, he would be the only one who could make it better. I believed his stories because I wanted to. He treated me so bad and I wont allow myself to go back this time, after the hurt he has put me through this is the last time he will break my heart. I love him to bits and that won't change for a while but I just have to move on. Even though I dont want to, I want him but I cant I need to respect myself and do this for me as I usually do everything for him.

I'm really trying to get over him this time and here are a few of the things I am doing that I didn't do every other time :

- Block his bebo / myspace / facebook from your internet settings you'll only find yourself looking at it every five minutes and dwelling on every comment from another girl. Also this gives you a way to know whats going on in his life, and is more upsetting when you see hes getting on fine without you. You dont need to look at this, it only brings back memories.

- Do not contact him this means no texts, no phoning him, no silly little emails, no trying to make him feel guilty, dont even say hi on msn, it will just leave you wanting more from him. And it hurts twice as much if he doesn't reply to your texts / emails / calls. Plus you dont want him to know how upset you are. This makes you vulnerable and he will know that he could get you back. You need to show him you can cope without him.

- Don't try to see him things like going to the place he works, or walking around by his house, going to places you know he'll be. This is not a good idea, because although you'll want to see him he will be trying to show you hes coping without you, and seeing him will only make the pain worse.

- Don't give in to him hes calling your phone, turning up at your house telling you he wants another chance? He's all 'I made a mistake baby its you I love I cant lose you, you're the one for me'. Youve heard this all before, he's saying this because he knows it will get into your head.
Remember words are only words. Anyone can use a word. They only mean something when they can be proved. Do you really believe him? No. Exactly! Stay strong.

- Ignore him when you see him. If you cant avoid him, when you see him act like he's not even there, if he tries talking dont. Just pretend you have completely forgotten. Walk straight past him in the street. This will probably hurt him a lot more than it hurts you. Although he wont show it.

- Talk to people about your feelings. If you keep things bottled up it will only make you more upset. Dont be afraid to cry! If you have nobody to talk to write down your feelings, it helps! Even better write down all the bad things he did, and read this every time you miss him.

- Get rid of reminders of him stop looking at the photos, stop re-reading his messages. This will not help you! Have one big cry over them, then put them away, or chuck them out. Remember you're trying to get him out of your life.

Hope this helps I know I may be just a silly lovesick teenager to some people, but I think I've learned a lot for myself in the past year.
Good luck! x