I am a lying and deceitful wife and want to stop

[desnavely]

Hello, I am new at this but here goes. I have been married for 18 years and I have been lying and hiding finances for the past 5-6 years. Everything came to a head about 1year ago and we seperated for about 6 months. But now we got back together but in the past 3months I have done some more things and now I know I have to get help. I can't do this anymore. I need to know if there is anyone who is like me or if I am by myself in this.

[Fred75]

Hello, I am new at this but here goes. I have been married for 18 years and I have been lying and hiding finances for the past 5-6 years. Everything came to a head about 1year ago and we seperated for about 6 months. But now we got back together but in the past 3months I have done some more things and now I know I have to get help. I can't do this anymore. I need to know if there is anyone who is like me or if I am by myself in this.

Lying about money you have hidden away or what you have spent?
How about more details?

[desnavely]

Well I don't when it started but I wanted my kids to love me and like me so I was buying them things even when we really didn't have the funds to do it. So I got several credit cards and then when the bills came in sometimes I would pay them and sometimes not. I wouldn' t pay some of our other bills just so we could do something fun. I have done this for so long and my husband has known about this for about 5 years because it all came out at that time because we had a fence built and we didn't have the funds to pay for it. So I was in a pickle. So we went to counseling well in doing that we kinda were just told that we could work through it. Well again I started lying and being deceitful about finances once again. I would not tell my husband when we would get a bill in the mail and just try to hide it. Well that all came out again and then we seperated for 6 months and then he took me back. We have been back together since November of 07 and about Feb I started doing it again lying and keeping things from him because I had my own checking and everything. So I am so in need of help and I have an appointment to start seeing a therapist so that I can work through why I do what I do. I really think that I am crazy and don't deserve my family.

[rosie727]

hun there are lots of women out there like this. i dont know if there is anywhere you can get help but i am sure there must be somewhere.
my sis did this until it escalated so bad that it almost ended their marriage.
there are times it is still a struggle-its like an addiction to her, you need support hun

[desnavely]

I am so glad that I am not the only person out there but we my husband and I are on the fence you know not knowing if our marriage will last or not. I don't want it to so that is why I am getting the help I think I need. I really do need support. Thank you for your words.

[Cambridge]

I am so glad that I am not the only person out there but we my husband and I are on the fence you know not knowing if our marriage will last or not. I don't want it to so that is why I am getting the help I think I need. I really do need support. Thank you for your words.

Bless you child. God loves you and so do I. Get the help and follow the advice you receive. These are management problems, not life-threatening problems. God forbid that you were on herion or some more difficult path. Put it into perspective and thank yourself for saving yourself from more terrible problems.

[FFFCaroline]

There are many, many women like you....If my husband ever found out what I did to our Home Equity account he would be shocked...But usually one hurt that you feel inside needs to be satisfied...With me it was the pain of a child and stress...So I solved it...I gambled...This was my pill...Wrong but I did it...Something is pushing you to do this...It is up to you to try and figure it out...Maybe I was trying for the love of a child that was not willing to share herself....Either way, only when I was able to find myself and know that I was a good person and should not hurt like this, could I go forward and find a more productive way to show my stress....Work at it...When the panic starts try and catch it...You may need some medication as usually behind this happening is some sort of sorrow to cause the stress..

Just my thoughs....TC, C

[Cambridge]

Having said what I said, Why, if you are soo F****** up the family finances, is your husband not taking over? I mean, if he knows about it, and you both agree that you are not the responsible party to be keeping the books, why does he not take over. Keeping a ledger is not hard.

[tobinfest]

Why is your husband not taking over? I mean, if he knows about it, and you both agree that you are not the responsible party to be keeping the books, why does he not take over. Keeping a ledger is not hard.

I concur with Cambridge. Your husband needs to control the purse strings. You did not mention if you have employment or not, which might help bail you out at times, but, being a repeat offender, you probably should be on a cash allowance and learn to live within your means. It will hurt, but will leave you two better off in the long run. Once you have demonstrated constraint, well down the line, the purse strings can be loosened slowly.
Sorry for the message, but I see a cliff ahead, which you should avoid, by taking a different road. Good luck!

[Mr B]

Having said what I said, Why, if you are soo F****** up the family finances, is your husband not taking over? I mean, if he knows about it, and you both agree that you are not the responsible party to be keeping the books, why does he not take over. Keeping a ledger is not hard.

Exactly, seriously its not difficult to realise this is the solution.