Soooooo Unhappily Married - But How DO I get out???

[zo_lou]

Where to start? I've been with him four years. He's always been controlling and I've changed beyond recognition to please him. He is seriously ill with drink related problems yet continues to drink. He bores me senseless...I find myself listening to his constant moaning and drivel and I actually hate him.

I work full time - he hasnt worked for nearly a year and I was sick of relying on hand outs from him mum. The only reason I'd given up my last job was to please him. So now I have a new job and he said he'd stay at home to look after the kids. So that was fine.

All he now does is moan. He goes to the pub in the day with the kids. He says if I leave him he'll kill me and he has hit me several times before. I'm such a div for marrying him but I have and now I just want to leave. I dont know where to start! If he finds out I'm planning to go I'm dead. My family live miles away and I only really have my mum anyway. I have no friends anymore as he soon saw to that. Can anyone help me? If I didnt have kids, I'd just end it all.

[tobinfest]

I am sorry for your problems and sorry that nobody else noticed this posting.
You don't mention your age or location and I am probably old enough to be your dad.
That being said, I would suggest that you figure out a decent exit plan and leave. Be smart and don't move where you will be easily found. That would be dumb and hurt you gravely.
From afar, once free, you might be able to speak, via telephone or email, but I doubt, given the alcohol, that anything short of rehab would work and that could be a condition of reengagement.
He is heading down the slope and trying to drag you down there as well. Leave and watch and see what happens. Two coices. One, he gets help, which would be good, but perhaps not for you and only you can decide. Two, he does nothing and thus better that you left.
Think it through and do what is best for you and your kids. It is tough to start anew, but often worse to just stay and observe.
I hope this helps and I will wish you well. Not an easy choice, to be sure.

[Bouncy]

I am sorry for your problems and sorry that nobody else noticed this posting.

http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/board/viewtopic.php?t=172589

[Fred75]

Where to start? I've been with him four years. He's always been controlling and I've changed beyond recognition to please him. He is seriously ill with drink related problems yet continues to drink. He bores me senseless...I find myself listening to his constant moaning and drivel and I actually hate him.

I work full time - he hasnt worked for nearly a year and I was sick of relying on hand outs from him mum. The only reason I'd given up my last job was to please him. So now I have a new job and he said he'd stay at home to look after the kids. So that was fine.

All he now does is moan. He goes to the pub in the day with the kids. He says if I leave him he'll kill me and he has hit me several times before. I'm such a div for marrying him but I have and now I just want to leave. I dont know where to start! If he finds out I'm planning to go I'm dead. My family live miles away and I only really have my mum anyway. I have no friends anymore as he soon saw to that. Can anyone help me? If I didnt have kids, I'd just end it all.

Let's see..
He has ALWAYS been controlling and you had kids anyway!
Sounds like your going to have to wait till the kids grow up!
In your next life, don't do such stupid things to your children.

[theblackpanther]

SORRY IT SOUND'S HARD -----BUT YOU ONLY HAVE ONE

CHANCE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE ???? !! GO AND LIVE IT


DON'T HAVE A LIVE TIME OF REGRET'S


!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Fred75]

SORRY IT SOUND'S HARD -----BUT YOU ONLY HAVE ONE

CHANCE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE ???? !! GO AND LIVE IT


DON'T HAVE A LIVE TIME OF REGRET'S


!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kudos to that!
F*** the pain the kids will go through because of the broken home!

[Saffer]

Leaving sounds like the right option, but ....... you mention you have children, no family nearby or friends that are able to assist.
The fact that he claims that he will kill you is possibly only intimidation, however if you feel that he may carry out his threat then I suggest you contact the Police Domestic Violence unit and ask assistance, especially if there has been domestic violence in the past. This will strengthen your allegation. May I suggest that you demand that they take your claims seriously anyway!!!
The police may be able to recommend certain associations that maybe to help you, its worth the try

[xXx]

You need to go. Before I had even read your post, I voted go.

You should never EVER stay in a relationship for children. They aren't stupid, they pick up on the atmosphere, it isn't healthy for them to go to the pub everyday.

There are women's shelters, I suggest you get in contact with one of them. Even get the police involved.

A family friend of mine (no children were involved) has recently left her husband. He has a drink problem, he went to rehab, whilst there he left and went to get alcohol (I have no idea what sort of a rehab would let the patient out!) and he was thrown out. He made up lies about his wife including one where he said she had stolen their car, the police found her and said that if she needed to get out they would help as they could see what a messed up guy she was with.

Honestly lovely you must leave, go and live with your family, I know they are a long way a way but you need to get away from him.

[duno]

I was in the same situ long ago, I wasnt happy and he was violent and controlling. It took 2 years to get him out... When he finally left it was like a weight had been lifted from me.
You already know you should leave him but you feel you want to be told to leave... Make a plan and sort out to leave him or ask him to leave. Once he has gone you can start again and you will wish you had done it sooner.... Good luck

[Lewi-D]

Leave

As I've said before, no reason justifies domestic violence. If you leave the children with him, they'll learn the way to treat women - I'm surprised the pubs allow children in - I thought that was banned - apart from the Sunday Lunch groups.

As others have said, you'll wonder why you didn't go earlier. No reason to suffer further pain. Don't fall into the rut of acceptance - Start a new life.

[Cambridge]

Walk. Of course, walk.

[duno]

Yes you must go. I have been in the same situation but it seems really hard to get from A to B. Once you have made that decision you will not regret it and it will be a new beginning for you. Have just come out of a relationship just like yours. Remember all the time you are with your fella you are not able to meet Mr Right. Get on with it and leave...