I don't understand this girl, tell me what she's th

[cattyflam]

Okay, a girl who I've known for about a month and we went on our first 'outing' yesterday, just the two of us. Towards the end of the day, I gave her a hug then instantly she started holding my hand and we hugged and talked at the park for about 3 hours in the cold, that is sitting down and standing up.

After all that, when we started sitting down at the park talking about general things, she said she needed to tell me something... which was she had got confessed by this other dude who she 'sorta' likes ... and didn't reject him or accept his invitation. instead she said to him that she wants to take things slowly . From what i know, she's known this dude since March and I've only known her for about a month. I don't understand, is she pretty much trying to decide who to pick over me and this other dude or is she trying to 'take her time' ? I pretty much did ask her out, i told her that i sorta 'rushed it' because... I'll be going back to my home town which is 4 hours by plane and won't be able to see her for about a month.... so i didn't wana lose that chance. She said she wanted to have time to think and then decide, but she also did explain how she's only known me for a month whereas this other dude she's known since March.... and the chances are '50/50' as what she quoted... *sigh*
What is she really up to ? is it as complicated as I think?

hope to hear your responses!

[Verve]

What do you want?

Do you want the boyfriend title after just knowing her for a month?

Do you just want to know that she cares about you an only you?

Are you mad at her for being honest?

Are you that attached to her that when you leave for a month your afraid she would forget who you are?

[cattyflam]

What do you want?

Do you want the boyfriend title after just knowing her for a month?

Do you just want to know that she cares about you an only you?

Are you mad at her for being honest?

Are you that attached to her that when you leave for a month your afraid she would forget who you are?

Well... I guess I want her, and not want her to leave for somebody else.
Hmmm... I'm not sure about if she only cares for me, I just want her to go for me and not the other dude. But i still think it was brave of her to actually tell me what's going on... I'm not mad for her honesty, she just wanted to let me know about the truth...

I dont think she would forget who i am, but dont u think she might look towards a different guy....? What do u think is the best thing to do before i go back home for a month... I'm planning on seein her before i leave, but not to sure if i should be blunt again or wait for her to make the move... ive already made it clear to her that im interested and wana go out.... any body been in this sorta position, if so, please tell me how urs went! thanks~

[Cambridge]

God, I don’t know how you young guys can get into these situations. Several, sayings come to mind: “there are plenty of fish in the sea;” “free, free, set her free.” Relax about the thing. If it’s there, okay; if not, don’t worry. The other guy’s a non-entity. Why do you worry about it?

[Verve]

Young ones never consider the possibilities... They only think of here and now. Never later... He could go on his trip and find a new love for the month he's gone but he hasn't thought of that. Many women to choose from, so little time. Cattyflam if you want to be honest with her as she was with you, go for it. I say tell her how you feel. Put it all out there. If she doesn't reciprocate make sure you find fun on your month away. Enjoy life.

[MaxtheGaul]

Cattyfalm, there are other options too. You're obviously young, you don't need to lock into a lifelong relationship, you should be meeting and getting to know a number of girls, the girl you fancy should be doing the same. There's no need to be exclusive, unless you decide you want to be.

Tell her you fancy her lots, you want to see her again, you understand there's someone else she's interested in. Don't ask her to choose between you and the other guy, she can date you both and make her mind up when she knows you both better - tell her you're OK with this. He may have a problem with it, but that's his problem, not yours.

If she goes for it, she'll get lots of attention, you guys will tend to be quite competitive, but it will sort itself out over time, and as Cambridge says there are plenty of other fish in the sea if it doesn't work out.

[cattyflam]

Cattyfalm, there are other options too. You're obviously young, you don't need to lock into a lifelong relationship, you should be meeting and getting to know a number of girls, the girl you fancy should be doing the same. There's no need to be exclusive, unless you decide you want to be.

Tell her you fancy her lots, you want to see her again, you understand there's someone else she's interested in. Don't ask her to choose between you and the other guy, she can date you both and make her mind up when she knows you both better - tell her you're OK with this. He may have a problem with it, but that's his problem, not yours.

If she goes for it, she'll get lots of attention, you guys will tend to be quite competitive, but it will sort itself out over time, and as Cambridge says there are plenty of other fish in the sea if it doesn't work out.

Yes everybody is right. There is plenty of fish out there... and yes I'm only 20 I guess. Its just the first time to be in a situation where a girl likes 2 guys and she's made it clear that I'm competing this position with another dude.... I guess, I should keep seeing her and wait for her to make the next move, as I've made it clear that I'm already interested... no point keep badgering her, as it might push away interest....

But, why did she tell me this so comfortably? like, telling me that there was another guy that she likes, was this so that I don't get my hopes up too much or to keep the two of us competitive? Its just a little confusing to me at the moment... sorry for being so young! hahaah but it would be nice to hear some explanations~

[Kitty88]

She may just be an onest person and respects the both of you to much not to let you know what she is feeling. give her time if its ment to be its ment to be. good luck.

Kitty

ps cool sasuke display pic

[MaxtheGaul]

But, why did she tell me this so comfortably? like, telling me that there was another guy that she likes, was this so that I don't get my hopes up too much or to keep the two of us competitive? Its just a little confusing to me at the moment... sorry for being so young! hahaah but it would be nice to hear some explanations~

My bet is that she told you because she's a decent and honest person, and didn't want you to be acting under any illusions. If you want her exclusively tell her or walk away. If you are not ready for an exclusive relationship, or happy to play this one out, then keep dating her, keep telling her lots of positive stuff, have lots of fun when you are together, but never moan about there being someone else.

If she finds she has more fun and gets more out of her time with you, she will want to spend more of her time with you. If she gets grief and stress and lots of unnecessary questions she will want to spend less time with you.

She's started off really honest. Respect her by being honest with her too. Remember there's plenty of time. You may end up as an exclusive couple in 2 or 5 or even 10 years time, but for now it's possibly not what she wants.

Far better for her to be free to choose, and then to choose you, than to be coerced too soon, and choose you for the wrong reasons, only to leave you later. So take your time, and remember you don't know her very well yet, so there's no hurry.

[cattyflam]

But, why did she tell me this so comfortably? like, telling me that there was another guy that she likes, was this so that I don't get my hopes up too much or to keep the two of us competitive? Its just a little confusing to me at the moment... sorry for being so young! hahaah but it would be nice to hear some explanations~

My bet is that she told you because she's a decent and honest person, and didn't want you to be acting under any illusions. If you want her exclusively tell her or walk away. If you are not ready for an exclusive relationship, or happy to play this one out, then keep dating her, keep telling her lots of positive stuff, have lots of fun when you are together, but never moan about there being someone else.

If she finds she has more fun and gets more out of her time with you, she will want to spend more of her time with you. If she gets grief and stress and lots of unnecessary questions she will want to spend less time with you.

She's started off really honest. Respect her by being honest with her too. Remember there's plenty of time. You may end up as an exclusive couple in 2 or 5 or even 10 years time, but for now it's possibly not what she wants.

Far better for her to be free to choose, and then to choose you, than to be coerced too soon, and choose you for the wrong reasons, only to leave you later. So take your time, and remember you don't know her very well yet, so there's no hurry.

Yes! Your totally right... I'll just play it slowly and wait for the possibilities.
She did mention that even if we couldn't be partners she'd love to be mates... I think I'll continue the pursuit, I know there is plenty of fish, but it would be nice to have an exclusive matter with a girl who I have strong feelings towards at this moment.

[cattyflam]

I'm So Bad!
I said I will play it 'slowly', but it seems like it hasn't worked out that way.

The last time I saw her before I flew back home, we went out
then eventually came back to my place. I had no intention of
taking advantage of it, but things happened and we had 'fun'.

After all that, in the morning she still insisted that she was 'confused', likes me, told me to try and not get attached too much and kept saying she wanted to be good friends.
She also said she'd be 'here' for me when I return, and that
she will cook dinner for me, at her place next time!

now enough of the information, my question is, it seems as though,
at this moment in time we're friends with benefits... does this mean
she wouldn't mind me being her 'friend with benefits' and also
be on the pursuit for another lady~ or seeing other ladies~

[Verve]

Don't put your life on hold for anyone.

[Cambridge]

I'm So Bad!
I said I will play it 'slowly', but it seems like it hasn't worked out that way.

The last time I saw her before I flew back home, we went out
then eventually came back to my place. I had no intention of
taking advantage of it, but things happened and we had 'fun'.

After all that, in the morning she still insisted that she was 'confused', likes me, told me to try and not get attached too much and kept saying she wanted to be good friends.
She also said she'd be 'here' for me when I return, and that
she will cook dinner for me, at her place next time!

now enough of the information, my question is, it seems as though,
at this moment in time we're friends with benefits... does this mean
she wouldn't mind me being her 'friend with benefits' and also
be on the pursuit for another lady~ or seeing other ladies~

Catty, go back and read Max. Be available, if that is what you want, but don't be clingy or overbearing.

Want me to be honest?: at 20, both you and she are full of hormones, and it's f***ing up your persepectives. It's funny that people who are married think divorce, but people who are in your postion never think divorce. But that is what I recommend...divorce yourself from these feelings that something that happens means some sort of committment. It doesnt. So...pacing Max's advice...hang loose. Between 20 and 30 you're gonna find a lot of them...and somewhere, so the theory goes, you're gonna find yours. Relax about it.

[MaxtheGaul]

I'm So Bad!

That's good (see below).

now enough of the information, my question is, it seems as though, at this moment in time we're friends with benefits... does this mean she wouldn't mind me being her 'friend with benefits' and also be on the pursuit for another lady~ or seeing other ladies~

She not only doesn't mind, it's almost mandatory that you see other ladies. And when you do don't try to hide it from her, this relationship will only work if you're as honest as she is. And if you see others it will make you more, not less, interesting to her. Remember, girls like bad boys (see above!)