Un Romantic Boyfriend

[Bridget]

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now and for that time it's been the same old problem: he isn't romantic at all. It drives me nuts, because it's so boring, not to mention hurtful. I've already discussed the topic with him and saw a minute improvement (he sent me a small bouquet after a recent car accident, but honestly I suspect it was his mother's idea), but nothing really worthwhile and i don't know if i should leave him over it. I do love the guy, but I hate feeling unloved myself and I think it really makes him quite self-centered never to really do anything about this.

Even though I would rather it be him, I feel so neglected that it has gotten to the point where I am considering having what I can only term a "Romantic affair". Another man who is the total opposite of my SO and VERY romantic. I don't want any kind of relationship with that man and don't really want to break up my happy home, but this sucks!

What do you think I should do?

[noodles]

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now and for that time it's been the same old problem: he isn't romantic at all. It drives me nuts, because it's so boring, not to mention hurtful. I've already discussed the topic with him and saw a minute improvement (he sent me a small bouquet after a recent car accident, but honestly I suspect it was his mother's idea), but nothing really worthwhile and i don't know if i should leave him over it. I do love the guy, but I hate feeling unloved myself and I think it really makes him quite self-centered never to really do anything about this.

Even though I would rather it be him, I feel so neglected that it has gotten to the point where I am considering having what I can only term a "Romantic affair". Another man who is the total opposite of my SO and VERY romantic. I don't want any kind of relationship with that man and don't really want to break up my happy home, but this sucks!

What do you think I should do?

What do you want from him - he is who he is. If you dont feel like he loves you fair enough but dont blame it on him. Maybe you're too needy.

[Bridget]

Why can't I blame him though? If I knew he was deeply unhappy over something I would try and change it.

[love2lick]

ok this is from experience...

I too am an "unromantic"!

It's not that I don't like it, it's just that my upbringing was a very messy one and as such I never felt close to my mother or anyone else in my family. As a result being romantic just doesn't feel good for me, it makes me feel uneasy and uncomfortable and just plain awkward.
It's not that I don't want to be romantic, I have tried in the past, but it just leaves me feeling stupid and I can't handle the attention from it.

Maybe your boyfriend is the same? But if you try and change him he may just push away from you and you could make things worse...

being romantic just doesn't come naturally to everyone just learn to live with it and if you can't then you can always change boyfriends I guess??

[noodles]

Why can't I blame him though? If I knew he was deeply unhappy over something I would try and change it.

If you have to turn him into someone he's not to make you happy maybe you shouldnt be with him? If him bieng himself makes you deeply unhappy then what keeps you there. He makes little changes and then reverts back because his changes are 'put' there, they arnt there naturally. And thats not wrong or his fault. He cant force himself to go against his natural grain. He's not a robot and neither are you.

You are not compatible. You cant MAKE someone be compatible with you nor should you blame them becuase they can't change.

Why cant you change and just deal with it? Not that easy is it.

[Bridget]

I guess I just don't see what the big deal is about a few romantic gestures to keep the good feelings going. But whatever. I have given it some thought and I think that if he can't be arsed to bother then I think I'd rather leave him after all.

I do things for him that I would rather not do and I think everyone makes some changes to accommodate a relationship. I already have. You're right if he won't change AT ALL I think that's a pretty bad sign for the future and it is quite inflexible.
not something i want to pursue further.

thanks for your pov love2click......

i don't see how it could be worse though, honestly, but what you said does makes sense.

[Babykitten]

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now and for that time it's been the same old problem: he isn't romantic at all. It drives me nuts, because it's so boring, not to mention hurtful. I've already discussed the topic with him and saw a minute improvement (he sent me a small bouquet after a recent car accident, but honestly I suspect it was his mother's idea), but nothing really worthwhile and i don't know if i should leave him over it. I do love the guy, but I hate feeling unloved myself and I think it really makes him quite self-centered never to really do anything about this.

Even though I would rather it be him, I feel so neglected that it has gotten to the point where I am considering having what I can only term a "Romantic affair". Another man who is the total opposite of my SO and VERY romantic. I don't want any kind of relationship with that man and don't really want to break up my happy home, but this sucks!

What do you think I should do?

I wouldn't have an affair, would be straight and finish with him first.