I can't get over my ex-girlfriend

[Guest]

I had put a post up in this forum back in october giving it a title "love hurts" i was not expecting much of a response and thought my words were lost ... But I now realize this is not true at all.

Well im back... and its been another 3 months... ive read everyones posts and must say i do feel much better hearing other peoples experiences. Also for some reason I feel comforted to know that I am not alone with the pain. It is evident that there are indeed various level of ...and degrees of pain within all of us that is associated with love. I am also back To perhaps give some insight on how it might be after the 5-6mth range.

I still miss her... and wish she was here with me. But im also angry..still with her bc of how quickly she was able to move on. A good friend of mine told me it will take about a year to get over... but i know i will think about her for the rest of my life. this is what really hurts and upsets me. Do people not know what they will experience in life when someone loves them. How much joy and excitement that can bring in a relationshop. And why is it that when someone loves another sooooo much that most of the time they are just pushed away... and told they are "crowding" ...."sorry thats too much love"... ?? Any person who pushes away love that is so intence will always loose in the end bc it may only come once in a life time. As we get older the intensity of the highshcool crush diminishes and love become very hard to find. Im giving up for while bc i have learned something that will help everyone. the key is to be self sufficient and independant. All of us who are suffering are going throught this bc we became dependant on an external influence (girlfrined or bf) which is ultimaly out of our control! As a result we put our self in to a position or set our self up to be badly hurt. This is WRONG and people should not be living this way. A true relationship should complement not take away anything... and if it ends.....than our level of happyness should stay consistant ...if u can learn to be independant while also undstanding lifes interdependencies there will be less pain but this habit is very hard to do.
Read the book The seven habits of highly effective people! For me i know I am depressed and missing my x and everytime i go out and come home i feel lonly and cry like a bitch.... but i do know that I must change this and realze that i can be just as happy as i was b4 this person was in my life. Perhaps i was even happier... think about it. I have become dependant on having a woman in my life... when im single i feel lonly and become obsessed with finding the next grl that is better or for comfort. but really this battle is all internal ...this is my flaw...i must run my own life and not let others run it for me. I suggest everyone put some thought to this

I addition I would like to hear from more women if possible bc i think a lot of us men out here are lost with the decisions and motives of the so called "heart breakers" perhaps someone could enlighten us why they may have hurt someone they say they love??... I am also very supprised at how mature some of you really are especially reletive to your age. Im now 27 and will be 28 soon.. and must say there is some really good advice here!! Anyway I dont know if anyone else feels this but i have a pressure in the back of my mind....thought i might voice it..... it keeps telling me to hurry up and finde the right women so I can get married, have kids and settle down. I must say im kinda scared ... especially since i thought i found the love of my life and how quickly that turned to S@#T. What also scares me is the divorce rate... and the complexites of a spouce having continued feelings for previous loves in there lives. Something really doesnt seem right. I dont get it .... if a women loves a man (or visa versa) than why do they still leave the relationship? Why is it let go? how do we even know if our spouce or gf or bf really loves us... do they even know what love means?

I know im rambling but these were just some things in the back of my mind. Since we broke up i have been partying and working out like a mad dogg!. i have met over 30 different women and have no interest in any of them... I am also experiencing a new phenomenon ...perhaps a women could explian... I go out... meet a women.... we have a good conversation/time at a what-ever bar or lounge ... i get her number and give her a call but dont feel motivated to take her out on a date most of the time... i feel like its a waste of time. My interest quickly leaves but I find the women im meeting are acting in a similar fashion. Also the women i particulary like and would like to date would act kinda distant on the phone or uninterested?? why the hell would they give me their numbers and act all wierd when i call them?

[hopeless_lover]

guest:
your last entry was very inspiring to me. especially your last two paragraphs...I feel exactly the same way and have the same thing in the back of my mind....when i meet guys i also have no motivation to go out on a date with them...we have a great talk when we meet but then it ends there this one guy i met recently ....we talked for hours at this party i went to.. he called me then i went out for coffee with him..i'm 19 and he is 24, however we had lots to talk about....he is sweet, intentive...caring and good looking..but i have no interest in persuing a relationship with him...could it be because i am not over my ex...or that i am looking for someone like my ex..or simply that i don't see a point in dating because in the back of my mind all relationships will end?...i am just as lost as you on that subject

[Mr P]

This is the second time! but different from the first.

I am 27 now.

The first time it came out of the blue, we were engaged, we'd been together for 2 years, it came at me like a blindsided punch, I didn't even see it coming.

We'd just come back from holiday in Spain to my dad's village, She told me she loved me, that she would always love me, but that she did not know what she wanted and that it would be best if we split up.....

This happend 2 days before christmas in 1999, We both cried at the time, I was shell shocked, i felt lost, I did not know what to do first? My head was pounding, it felt like i had been knocked out of synch with the rest of the world....This wasn't me! This shouldn't affect me! This can't affect me! but it has.....

It affected me that much it made me ill, I was in bed for the whole of xmas and new year....I'd had come down with a bug....but i know what the main affect was.

I did get over it eventually, but for 7 months after i'd become sociallite of the year! I was out all the time, on the piss all the time, which was not good.......I'll never do that again.....I do still think about her, but am definately over her..... I was 20 then.

The second time!!!!!!!!!

I met this girl when I was 22, she was beutiful, ong blonde hair, an athletic body, she had all the curves in the right places, very shy, very modest, a heart of gold, she would do anything for anyone, very intelligent, down to earth, very sensitive and definately not a gold digger.

We hit it off from the word go, she was very quiet and did not open upto me for a while, but on our first date we kissed passionately. It felt so right, for the first time in a long time a spark happened.

We started seeing each other on regular basis, she was mad! Life and soul of the party, it was so much fun going out with her on a night out, she used to do so many things, dance on table, pertend to brakedance it was so funny.

We saw each other so much, i would stay at her house, she would stay at mine, we were with each other a lot, it was good.
Over the years we did have our fair share of arguments but we worked through them.

It was going fine but we could both feel the pressure building, we made love less and less, the affection started going until one day....

This will sound like daja vu........... We had just returned from holiday in spain, to my dad's village....... can you see where this is going!!

It was on 23rd of December 04 and we'd been back from spain the week before, we hadn't seen each other since then, we met up and had a talk. We talked about how we'd been feeling for the past 4-5 months and that we knew it wasn't working, it was very civilised.

We both decided that we should call it a day, we both cried, we ended it on a really good note, but we both could see that we still loved each other and that it was killing us inside.

The worst is that she is such a nice, beutiful girl with a heart of gold and that's what tore me up, Knowing that i'd lost it....but, we decided to stay friends which i would not lose for the world, and gradually i am getting over what we had, but i remember the good times we had and it makes it less painful.

Her name is Anna, just thought i'd say.

Again, this happened on the 23rd and although i was feeling ill anyway i reckon it made me feel just that little bit worse.

But you tell me, is this just pure coincidence or is a pattern forming?

I'm glad i could share this with you all and i've read all the reply's on this.

It does get better, you will stop feeling like S***, but it does take time. Whatever you do, don't jump into another relationship straight away, give yourself time to recover, find yourself again, be happy with who you are, re-build what you lost when you were away from your friends.

Thanks,

Mr P.

[spirit-of-tao]

great story and great advice mr. p.

i'd stay away from your dad's villa !!

[Mr.LoveHurts]

Mr.P I wrote the huge post b4 urs and also in oct .....I must say after reading your post you have pretty much had the exact experience as my self (or visa versa).... I am having such a hard time letting go of her because she too carries the EXACT! same traits as your prev gf. Im scared i will never find another like her.....she was...

Really sweet, VERy VERY beautiful (a model with captivating eyes) with a heart of gold, very caring, hounest...innocent...loyal.... loving...Sensitive and NOT a money grabber at all..she would often stop me from spending! (Verrrrry hard to find) i cant help but remember the way she would just ly with me, stroke my hair while wathing movies or in bed...we were so happy to be in each others arms. We were sooo alike in every way that it was wierd... i believe she had to have been my soulmate....She still cares for me and asks about me and talks to my bro on msn sometimes asking how my family is and how i am ....recenly she asked if i had a gf yet... she does have a bf tho.?

Anyway we ended things last Sept 2004 in a similar way... she said she didn't know what she wanted right now and sencing her slight distance we were over (however 2-3 weeks after she had a new bf). we also cried together.. the thought of our seperation was killing us at the time...

Now 6mths later she still wants to be friends and you said something very curious. u couldn't have let ur ex go and maintained a friendship. I dont know if i can do that ... I want her back but know it prob wont work now... How can u stay friends and love someone at the same time? What was beautiful about our reationship is that we were friends b4 we even got together. the sparke with her flew like never b4 ...it was so intence... not being together put us into agony.... we were always staying together too... back and forth from place to place... when not togthr it was 247 texting.

how did u overcome the barrier to falling or staying in love with ur ex... are u not being tortured with her still being in your life and possibly loving someone else.... I love her and if being with someone else make her happy than so be it i will accept the suffering... but from what i hear she to is still not truly happy with her current man... knowing this im back into a state of wonder... can i get her back...do i even want to .... why did we even breakup to begin with... can i even accept her back after the pain she put me through?


Mr.Lovehurts

[Mr. Lovehurts]

Hopless_Lover:

thanks for the reply, what you said really helpls shed some light....

maybe there is that continous connection to our ex's that is not enabling our progression in new reationships. But the question becomes... how do we let go then? sooooo many ppl make the mistake (including my self) of just trying to find someone else. I have been a piss drunk chasing grls at the bars and getting numbers but still none of the pain has subsided. what do u think could be the problem with not moving fwd with the men u date... u must be looking for something that will set off that spark? u see some ppl say let go and move on and others like mr.p have maintained a connection to their ex... is there no way to win? I want both...lol

Come to think about it.... i think the intensisty of my prev relationship had to with the fact my ex believed there were no good men out there since all her prev men had cheated and dumped her for there exs (and neither did i since i had also always been cheated on). She had no trust in men ... she was almost raped twice... so she found all of that in me ... i had a balance of all the qualitys she was looking for.... she too considered me a rare find .... someone most women cant find but still.....she left. while breaking up she would say i know im gonna regret this .....do women need change.... and continous stimulation of excitment. for u and any one else ....what creates that spark do u think? .. is it more situational based on needs at the time? Now i too have this feeling that no woman can be trusted or will last ....so why even bother with a reationship when the guy next door is always ready and willing to do what ever he can to get with a women they like....giving the girl a false impression that the excitment of a new realationship will be the solution bc the new man maybe different and does some new and different things to stimulate.....but almost always .... it turns out to be the same and the one who leaves realizes when its too late ...may even have regret. Of course this is all situational and depends on many many circumstances but non the less how can a man ever trust having a relationship when women are constantly being tempted by other men...(and visa versa)?

mr. Lovehurts

[hopeless_lover]

Mr. Love hurts:

Well, first of all I don't know if you read my post before the last on the previous page it basically tells my story...i'm only 19..and so is my ex..we have been best friends for 14 years....so basically we were friends for 10 years before we started dating.. we were eachothers firsts for everything...therefore I have nothing to compare the way he treated me to...nor any other aspect of our relationship. That makes it a little harder to relate to your situation, however..in regaurds to the coments about not moving forward or being able to let go etc...i personally can't let go because he is my first love...but as far as moving on in another relationship, when I meet a guy and go on a couple of dates with him, if I think about the possibility of starting a relationship with him...the last time I started a relationship I was 14 for god sake you know what I mean...basically I don't know how and i automatically expect the relationship to feel as strong as it did after four years with my ex...I don't have a need for the begining relationship S***!...I subconciously expect him to know me like my ex did...but thats not fair because my ex has lived up the street from me since we were 5...as for "that spark"....
I don't know what that should feel like.... I have chemistry with my ex.. I wouldn't call it a spark...we had that when we started dating and then turned it into a flame...also I can't be friends with him until I can look at him as a friend and not an ex lover

woman don't nescesarily NEED change...we aren't tempted by other men unless the relationship we have isn't fufilling our needs..(its the same with guys)...If I loved someone, and they treated me with respect and supported my lifes decisions etc... I wouldn't be tempted by another guy...I go by personality in a person...(I always say: looks and wealth can fade and all your left with is personality)...so in order to be tempted by another who will treat you better...you have to get to know them pretty well. As long as you treat your girl right.. she aint goin nowhere.

I don't know if any of that helped... but I hope so..

[Mr P]

Mr Love hurts and everyone.

It is strange how people's experience's are similar.

What i've got to say is that, yes it can work to stay friends with your ex.

You must though change the way you love her, I know easier said than done.

The way i still love my ex is in a different way, i love her like a sister, the care i had for her is still there but i have come to terms with the fact that we will never be intimate again.

Do beleive me whe i and most people say that there are more fish in the sea, because there are.

I have recently met (2 days ago) a gorgeous woman, who has got a brilliant personality, is fun to be with, funny, talkative, and is a very genuine and nice person.

I thought i would not find this again ever, but i have.

The thing is though, i still would not want to block off all connection with my ex, because she is a nice person, and there are not to many of them about. My moto is, you can never have enough friends.

It does hurt to see them with someone else, but that pain is like the pain when you pull off a plaster, it's very quick but hurts like hell for 20 seconds! after that it ease's off very quickly.

Keep your chin up, and don't be afraid to let your self get upset, it happens to the best of us. It does get easier, remember, keep your mind strong and let your head rule. Don't let it get you down.

Whatever you do, I would advise against going out with your ex, i've done t before and it leads to disaster.

If it is really meant to be, then I think you will be back together in a few years, but right now is not when it's going to happen.
Come to terms with it, as soon as you do, you can move on.

Good luck mate, and to all of you.

Mr P.

[dk261978]

I too am hurt. Iv'e had a girlfriend for 5 years and we recently broke up. The f**ked up thing about was that it was my idea to break up cause I thought I didn't love her anymore. So things went by and we were missing eachother both a bit and then boom this f**king Pr**k of a guy calls her on the phone. So now it's like I love her again and want her to be back. It feels like someone literally broke my heart in two. She says she needs time. We have a kid togther too so it makes it even harder. She says she loves me as a person but not in love with me anymore. Just the week before she told me she still loved me and missed me. As soon as this guy started calling she's changed completely. I'm hurt and confused.

[Lovehurts]

I wrote a post about my ex seeing this prick as soon as she started uni. Well its been a few weeks and seems to be getting easier. The only problem I have that makes me upset is thinking that she has already had sex with this guy. Becuase she was my first it was very speacial. Over time, the sex could get boring and I would take it for granted, just like I took her for granted. The problem is that I dont know what she is doing and I worry about her, and know this guy is just after sex and she will give in, then she be hurt. Even though she hurt me by finishing it, I still care about her. Is it normal to cringe when thinking your ex will be having sex with the person she left you for so soon after splitting up?

Also, I think girls seem to want that special exciting feeling when a relationship starts, and as time goes by, we start to lose that exciting feeling. That was she told me before we split up, she said he made her feel like I did when we started going out. I mean, of course we all get that special feeling when we meet someone new, but that is no reason to leave a partner for someone else. Well, thats what I think.

I think girls seem to just want that special feeling alot more in relationships, and find it wasier getting over us guys as they know it will be easier for them to get into a relationship? I dont understand girls, they always say us guys break their hearts but I know that us guys are getting hurt more nowadays.

I dont feel like having a realtionship at the moment becuase I miss her still I would like to have her back but couldnt trust her again, and know it wouldnt work again. She dosnt even reply to my emails begging to just talk. She has cut a ties with me after nearly five years and that realy hurts. If I cant and dont want to get into another relationship at the moment, how can she be with someone else so soon after our split up. If I am feeling the way I do at the moment, I'm sure she probably feels the same, but not as intense as she has someone their for her.

All I can say is, god help her when he leaves her becuase its going to probably hurt her twice as much not being in a relationship.

[Quik_808]

I think that most of us in here are on the same boat. As for me, I just broke up with a pretty, honest, trustworthy, modest, athletic girl myself. We both agreed even after we broke up that we share something that is so unique and we connect on a different level. From the day we started to go steady, it was just like we were married. We were going out for little over two years when that "feeling" started to diminish (like a lot of peoples situation in here). It sucked because I started to work a lot as she did also and it seemed like everything got repetitive in our relationship. Sort of like a "rut" where everything got boring. She left me out of the blue just before Thanksgiving. First hand, that sucked a$$. The first week, I couldn't even think, sleep or eat. The one thing that pulled me through is LOVE from friends and family. Weird, the same thing that is hurting me is actually helping me, of course on different levels. The thing that I want to share is how I am doing now. As I have read earlier, it DOES get better. From being at 0 out of 10 to about 8.5 out of 10 right now.

For all of you who are just fresh out of the break or still hurting after a long time, Just Let Them Be. You probably heard it a million times but again, just let go. I know its hard but the more you think and HOPE, it will be harder for you. Personally, it was so hard for me not to hope she'll call, or hope she'll realize or hope she will pop in at my house. Chances are, THAT WON'T HAPPEN! I think the best thing to do is move on with your life. You can't wait for her for sh!t. What happens when she finds someone else and your left in the dust still waiting? It will only hurt you more. As of right now, I think I am almost over her. I decided to not call her, not be-friend her (only for now), cut ties with mutual friends and concentrate on other things in my life. Cutting all ties is the thing that helped me the most. As much as I wanted to call her or see her, I stayed strong and resisted.

I am actually at the same point as Mr.Lovehurts who posted as guest (I think) to where I am meeting a lot of girls but lose the urge to get into a relationship. In fact, it is weird because I even hesitate to sleep with them too. I think that I'm just not ready yet. Basically, it is because I know I am not completely over her yet. I have read that you know you are completely over your ex if you can think about her having sex with someone else with out feeling sh!tty. I am almost at that point.

Hope this helps. Just remember, there are many fish in the sea.

[GQFlip]

Add me...Kyelum@hotmail.com...Easier to talk about our problems there...Maybe we could even have a chat party

[GQFlip]

lovehurts...I read this part on your post

Also, I think girls seem to want that special exciting feeling when a relationship starts, and as time goes by, we start to lose that exciting feeling. That was she told me before we split up, she said he made her feel like I did when we started going out. I mean, of course we all get that special feeling when we meet someone new, but that is no reason to leave a partner for someone else. Well, thats what I think.

My gf broke up with me 5 days ago...She told me that she wasnt happy anymore and mentioned that this guy said something to her that made her feel special...She told me that i made her feel special at the beginning of our relationship but not anymore...I lost all hope and chance to fix it...

Well i think i should tell you guyz my story...ME and my ex went out for a year and 6 months...We were happy but we used to fight alot and i used to always break up with her for small reasons and get back with her a day later...Until december 19,she was acting weird and we had a lil fight...That night she broke up with me and told me that she's gonna look for another and she also told me to look for another girl...The day after that night,i went to her house to fix our problem but she didnt want to fix it...So i gave up and left and thought i would get over her...I lived like im in hell for 3 days...I decided to drive around and ended up on her bestfriends house...And its weird cuz as soon as i got there,my ex called her and told her that she's at the theatre...So I decided to go there...I went there and saw her holding hands with this guy...It hurts so bad I almost died...She decided to talk to me and told me sorry and all that b******t...Its a long story so i'll just say that we got back together that same night...After that,i started treating her alot better...We argue but i tried making it short and laugh while we argue...Also after that she started swearing at me everytime we fight...She's also the one who's breaking up with me...But we fix it later on...Until 5 days ago,she broke up with me and told me that she's not happy anymore but she still loves me(wtf?)She said more stuffs that made me lose all hope to give it one more chance...So i gave up and told her to take care of herself and i told her how much i love her and i'll always will...I left and on my way home,i prayed to God,ask him to make her happy and watch over her...I love her so much,i dont think i would ever get over her...I g2g drink with my friends,i'll continue this post when i come back...

[GQFlip]

I got drunk but she's still on my mind

I forgot who mentioned about being friends with their ex...Before this last break up,I tell her not to call me and i dont wanna be frinds with her if we ever break up,but she still used to call me and get back with me after 1 day,but i doubt she'll call this time although im still waiting for her call...Its gonna be harder for me to get over her...I dont think i can be friends with my ex...I dont ever wanna know that she's going out with someone else and doing stuffs with someone else...You know what i did? I hid all her pictures,her stuffed bears,her clothes and all the things that belong to her so they wont remind me of her...It hurts me everytime I see something that belong to her...Im scared that one day I might see her with someone else,I saw her with someone else before and it hurts so bad...I dont ever wanna experience that same feeling again...

[GQFlip]

Quik_808,where are you from?

anywayz,i just read your post...

I know its hard but the more you think and HOPE, it will be harder for you. Personally, it was so hard for me not to hope she'll call, or hope she'll realize or hope she will pop in at my house.

That's exactly what ive been doing ive been hoping that she'd call and realize or just come to my house and get back with me...I been checking my caller ID as soon as i get up in the morning...When the phone rings,im gonna run and check the caller ID...I always look at outside my window hoping she's there walking towards my house...I know im making it harder but i cant help it...