Relationships are as complicated as you make them...

[Voodoo_Child]

People seem to me (and this is likely due to my youth and inexperience, but I'm going to say it anyway) to always over complicate things, and especially relationships. My first girlfriend went out with me for three weeks. It was not a long relationship by any measure, but she ended it citing the fact that she saw me more as a close friend than a boyfriend. I thought then, and still think now, that she should have been clearer how she felt about me before she decided to go out with me. I felt strongly for her (as I had known her a long time) and knew that I could eventually fall for her. But she didn't think about how she felt, she jumped into it, putting my feelings at jeopardy. Well, I have problems trusting people anyway, so you can guess what that did to me. But I always feel like any relationship, no matter how minor, should be predicated on concrete mutual romantic feelings. Maybe this is me. Maybe I am not respecting how fickle emotions are. But the pain that occurs, just because people can't attempt a little analysis of their feelings before they do things... it doesn't seem fair. This may just be a rant because I am 17, hormonal and hurt, but if it is, it's one I felt was necessary...

[Lizbo]

Well I'm 18, female, and I know what you mean. I've had 2 year relationships, 6 month relationships, 3 weeks relationships, one night stands, the lot! And believe me, every single one was bloody complicated! I know us women are prone to making things complicated, lol, but men do it just as well! I wonder whether it's our western society and the way we've been brought up. We're lead to believe that relationships are all lovey dovey and we'll definitely meet the one etc. Arranged marriages though... to my best knowledge, are based on economic factors and how the partnership will benefit the community rather than each other. There are significantly less divorces in arranged marriages as well. I think we've all become too selfish. I'm not criticising anyone, I'm the same, I want to find the one and live happily ever after!

The point you made about people making their feelings clear at the start of a relationship, I agree with you. But I think that people's feelings are sometimes unclear at the start so they give it a go and see if it works. If it doesn't, then yes, unfortunately, the other gets hurt. Also, I think people get scared of admitting how they feel whether it's for fear of rejection or fear of hurting the other.

Also, I don't know the girl you was seeing and i obviously don't know the background, but from what you said, it sounded like it was just a way of breaking up with you, not an actual valid reason, I could be wrong though!

Anyway, I enjoyed joining in your teenage rant, I feel better now, lol. Best of luck for the future. Maybe when we meet the [/i]one[i] it won't be so complicated hey? x

[spirit-of-tao]

but don't people change their minds about what they want, over a period of time ?

[Voodoo_Child]

Some people change their minds, but I don't really know why. I'm not talking about VERY long term relationships so they shouldn't really have much of a shift in personality. And I get what you mean Lizbo. Unfortunately I just get pissed off with girls who 'give it a shot'. I ends up hurting me inevitably. I think people should just clarify their feelings first. Saves a lot of pain...

[Lola]

Well I'm 18, female, and I know what you mean. I've had 2 year relationships, 6 month relationships, 3 weeks relationships, one night stands, the lot! And believe me, every single one was bloody complicated! I know us women are prone to making things complicated, lol, but men do it just as well! I wonder whether it's our western society and the way we've been brought up. We're lead to believe that relationships are all lovey dovey and we'll definitely meet the one etc. Arranged marriages though... to my best knowledge, are based on economic factors and how the partnership will benefit the community rather than each other. There are significantly less divorces in arranged marriages as well. I think we've all become too selfish. I'm not criticising anyone, I'm the same, I want to find the one and live happily ever after!

The point you made about people making their feelings clear at the start of a relationship, I agree with you. But I think that people's feelings are sometimes unclear at the start so they give it a go and see if it works. If it doesn't, then yes, unfortunately, the other gets hurt. Also, I think people get scared of admitting how they feel whether it's for fear of rejection or fear of hurting the other.

Also, I don't know the girl you was seeing and i obviously don't know the background, but from what you said, it sounded like it was just a way of breaking up with you, not an actual valid reason, I could be wrong though!

Anyway, I enjoyed joining in your teenage rant, I feel better now, lol. Best of luck for the future. Maybe when we meet the [/i]one[i] it won't be so complicated hey? x

Are there less divorces in arranged marriages because a divorce would have big consequences regarding family etc ? Just a thought.

[FRECKELMANIA]

YOU RE ALL YOUNG!?!? what is the big deal this is the time to have the fun before you settle - im married now but if i hadnt done everything mad stupid and sometimes painful on the heart when i was your age - i dont think i would be where i am today. These are the best years of your life and you never really realise it. Have fun, people change but love life