Step Family

[Willow]

Im 21, and still live at home with my mum and her husband and their daughter. (mum and dad split when I was 12)
I get it, im a grown up, now, im supposed to have a life of my own and be independent (?) and doing my own thing, but im sorry...I dont.
My stepdad, while, fair enough, he pays the bills, and I accept, I hardly pay anything towards it, he makes me feel Unwelcome at home. My boyfriend and my friends arent allowed in the house....Its kind of embarrassing having to stand and chat on the front when they come to visit me. yet he has his friends round quite often, if one of them has an argument with the wife or whatever, our sofas the first one offerred!
When i come home from work or college at night, i feel like its touch and go wether my Key's gonna turn in the lock.
If my Mum lends me money or buys me something we have to hade it from my stepdad, he'll start a row.
He has serious double standards. he sayd if I broke the law, he'd kick me out......fair enough....but he shoulnt drive home drunk every friday night, then start huge arguments when anyone mentions it. (we've both tried to get hin done for it, its never worked)
The worst thing is a tiny little niggly thing that really upsets me. We have a family portrait on the wall. The three of them looking happy and smiley on a holiday they booked to give me some peace and quiet while i was studying for exams. Its like they did it on puropse.

Am i just being silly and childish, here? Im still studying, so im in no position to move outand I've tried talking. has anyone else been through anything similar, and what did you do?

[CarrieDoway]

No, I don't think you're being silly. Has your mum tried speaking to him, you should be allowed your friends round its your house as much as his really, he took your mum on so he took you on too. I'm sure that when you are able to contribute more to the household you will..or with his attitude move out. Your mum should not have to hide anything from him, you are her daughter and if she wants to buy you something she can......do either of them hide it when they buy your sister something?? I'd have a word with your mum, explain fully how it feels, even point her in the direction of this forum.

Good luck

[Andrew]

I had a father exactly like that. And he was a cop so he would do even worse if i broke the law. Other than him getting drunk he was just about everything you have said. I cant really say what to do but i can tell you the results of what happend when my mother thought i was being treated unfairly.

Im not saying this will happen if your mother confronts him. My mother confronted my step father and they argued a lot. Eventually she couldnt take all the arguements so they were going to get a divorce. Knowing he was going to lose my mom he raped her and tried to kill himself after he realized what he had done, my mother stoped him and eventually we moved away. Its horrible story there but thats what happend. Well right now he is happy with his new wife and we are happy not knowing him other than him keeping in touch with his son(my lil brother).

People like this can do some crazy stuff when they think they are about to lose who they love. Your a lot older than i was so you understand more of what is going on than i did. Im not trying to scare you just letting you know i have been in the same situation. and it turned out badly