My Dad Is Cheating On My Mom, Please Help!

[Guest]

Forgive the above errors, I clicked the quote button instead of the italic button.

[Guest]

KitKat, I hope that you've worked things out a bit. This is hard. If you read this thread, you'll find the advice is pretty much the same. (It's just that some people deliver it from a garbage truck. I hope the apology was sincere. Perhaps that person never had anyone that cared about his or her feelings when young and thinks that response is justified to a kid that's hurting. Hard to say.)

I hope you found a way to let your mom know. My husband was cheating on me. If one of my children found out and had let him know they knew, he would have come forward a long time ago to take that burden off of his child. Nobody deserves to go through having to protect a cheater, much less a kid having to live a lie for a parent. I honestly believe that would be the worst thing you could do to your child. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

Your advice is different from mine how exactly?

There is no point in sugar-coating the situation or wrapping it up in ribbons. The situation will still be the same and so will the pain and fallout of the situation.

There is no easy solution to it, but crying about the situation isnt going to do any good is it? Of course its not.

And 12 year old or not, it is rather silly for someone of that age to think that there is any magic solution to put things right.

Truth be told, the only reason the kid is posting here is

not

because she wants to make a decision, but because she has already

made

the decison,

and doesn't like it.

From that perspective, I think its silly. Sure it hurts, but goodness me - what else can be done?

By the way - I know what I'm talking about here, young or otherwise.

So this happened to you then? Did you get the same insensitivity in your situation and that's what's made you such a hardass today?

[Guest]

Ask guest. The answer to all is just commit suicide!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest]

I think my dad may be having an affair with a woman he employed about ten years ago at his work. She is married and they both have a 3 year old kid. My dad and mum have been married for about 25 years and have three sons obviously including me. We've always been a happy, pretty comfortable family and I've never in my life considered anything to be wrong between my parents' relationship. But as I get older and wiser (I'm 20 in a month) I'm getting more aware of others close to me and how they feel. I played around with my dad's phone a few months ago and looked at his messages and there were a few from this woman, one sexual one and one stating that he's the love of her life. I really needed to talk to someone about it then but I didn't cos I'm scared and didn't know who to talk to. So I left it for a few months, tried forgetting about it. Then last week at a restaurant with family I looked at my dad's phone again and saw another couple of messages from the same woman, again proclaiming her supposed "love" for him. No one knows I have any suspicions. I also have no concrete proof that something is going on. But it must be true. I dunno what to do, who to talk to. I don't even know how to talk to my best friends about it cos I don't want them thinking differently of my family and its state which has always been nothing but good as far as I know. I could talk to one of my brothers who's 16 but then I dunno if he's a bit young to be able to deal with this possibility. I'm going out of my mind here and even though I love my dad to bits and idolise him, this suspicion I have is making me act different around him. i find it hard to talk to him much at the moment or make eye contact or even be in the same room for long with him. My mum is a fantastic wife and mother and although things may be a bit less new and exciting as when they first married (which marriage isn't like this?), although how would I know, she would never deserve anthing like this to be done to her. I love my parents both equally and want them to be happy, I think they are to an extent but I don't know details and I don't even feel comfortable asking. I just don't know what I should do so I'd appreciate advice from anyone.

[SoSad]

Guest, it doesn't sound like there is any room for doubt in the fact that your dad is having a full-on affair with this woman. I hope you read the posts in this thread, although not being alone in your hurt doesn't make it any easier, I'm sure.

I have been in this situation with my mom having the affair. I'm 32 now but I was 19 when I found out. The best thing I did was to tell her I knew. She was pretty upset when I told her I knew. At first she begged me not to tell my father, and I told her I wouldn't, but that she needed to talk to him because I could barely look at HIM. I didn't even understand how it could have happened, because they did seem to be so okay on the surface. Life was hell for about 6 months around our house, and although I didn't live at home then, my sister and brother did and it was hard for them. She stopped seeing the guy (he was a family friend and it was awful) and apparently told my dad. They started seeing a counselor and I think they might even be going to this day. It's a long hard process to get over a betrayal like that, but I'm so proud of them that they didn't give up and move on.

So I'm for telling your dad you know, tell him he needs to stop seeing the woman, talk to your mom and either try to work through it, or let her go. Think of your mom. She deserves to have a life with a man who is committed to the same marriage she is, or she deserves to get on with her life with someone else who can love and respect her.

Hang in there. Let us know how you're doing.

[Guest]

I think my dad's cheating on my mom. I've overheard some of his conversations with one of his old friends from high school who he's started talking to again, and they sound really suspicious. My parents get along okay, they don't hate each other but I doubt they're in love anymore. My mom's living in another state currently due to her job, but they're still married, so it's extremely immoral and disgusting for my dad to do this to her! He keeps lying to me whenever I ask him who he was talking to. I've lost so much of my respect for my dad. But the weird thing is, although he's not a good husband, he's a really caring father who sacrifices a lot for me and my brother. I know he loves us more than his own life. What should I do? I'll feel awkward if I confront him, and I can't even contemplate telling my mother. But I can't just watch him cheat on her! Please help me!

Is this "old friend from high school" a female?

What specifically did you overhear him say that leads you to believe he is cheating?

[Guest]

there were a few from this woman, one sexual one and one stating that he's the love of her life....... I looked at my dad's phone again and saw another couple of messages from the same woman, again proclaiming her supposed "love" for him.

These are not casual messages and something a woman would send in a message for fun! I don't know how more concrete you can get! It didn't even take THAT much of an email from another man for me to figure out that my wife was involved in a full-on affair.

You must confront him and end the selfish hurtful games he is playing with your mother's life.

PS Did you know that there are websites that will bust the bubble for you? You could totally stay out of it.

[CONCERNED]

honey just leave your parents life up to them and let them sort out their
mistakes.and they will but if you let them know you know it is possible that it will backfire on you tragically, just look at your parents as that your PARENTS are human and concentrate on your own life. and remember love conquers all

[AussieAdam]

Yeah keep out !!

You dont know the ins and outs of your parents relationship. You only see them from the role of the child.

How would you like your dad to be checking your phone messages etc. Perhaps when you have a partner and things go a bit pear shaped you might be tracted into an affair.........your kids might find out by checking YOUR mobile fone .

You wanna talk to dad about his relationships then be a ruddy man and find some quiet time with him....tell him how you have been chckin his mobile.

you may THINK you know the reasons ya dad is straying .......but I bet ya wrong

[dip..]

There ya go! Great advice. Let your dad keep screwing around on your mom. Move on! Don't let it bug ya. He MUST have a good reason, yeah? Then, when you are in a marriage, just kick your own spouse in the face and piss on her while you carry on behind her back because your DAD did it and somebody on a board told you it was okay and none of your business!

My mom was doing that to my dad. I hated her for it and still hate her to this day. I asked to see a therapist or something and was afraid to tell them why so they didn't set me up. Now I just say screw her and although that's pretty effed up, it's the where I'm at because I didn't deal with it back when I had a chance. My dad and I get on well, but I can barely look at him. I still don't know if he ever found out. she humiliated him by acting like a ho.

Whatever. Good luck with all that, but if I'd had it to do all over again, I'd ahve found a way to expose my mother and then give my dad a chance to redeem his dignity.

[Guest]

I just found out that my mother was sleeping with a married man for the last 7 years of my father's life. He died in 2002 and she slept with the other man just before and less than a month after. The wife of the other man just found out and is going pretty much crazy. I found letters she wrote to my mother crying for help and understanding of what was happening and my mother just tells her "I DON'T CARE. I NEVER CARED!" Now my mother is going to a lawyer to get this poor woman to leave her alone. All she ever does is write emails. What else is my mother going to do to this woman? I'm disgusted with her. I can't even look at her. I'm 22 years old. Old enough to let it go, but knowing that my mother would leave me and my brother with our Grandfather to screw that other man since I was 12 years old - the lies she told us, the sneaking around on my father, to sleep with the father of other children?
I'm a mess, and I just needed to SAY it. I could confront her with what I know, but I prefer to just walk away and let her live her life of lies alone now. I don't even know who she is. She disgusts me. Did I say that already?

Anyway, thanks for listening. I'm not sure if I feel better, but it's like a blister that finally explodes and the pus seeps out. It relieves the pressure a bit, but the pain in still there.

[Guest]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. There's a debate on this thread about whether to let on that you know what's happening. It's something you need to decide for yourself, but if it was me, I'd appreciate knowing that my kids knew what I did so I could talk to them. Even if it was wrong, maybe your mom can change and you could give her another chance. I know it hurts.

[Guest]

Every situation is different.

[Guest]

Every situation is different.

Ya think????

[nuns]

Every situation is different.

too true.

A jealous nun appeared in court charged with threats to kill and an arson attack on a priest's house - after she caught him in bed with a married woman.

Sister Silvia Gomes De Sousa, 39, saw red and set fire to Father Carmelo Mantarro's house after she nabbed him 'in flagrante.'

The furious nun - who was also Father Carmelo's cleaner - was also armed with a machete and threatened to kill the priest before being restrained by passers by.

Police and fire officials were quickly on the scene and managed to put out the flames which had been started by sister De Sousa using matches and candles on curtains and furniture.

The drama happened in the sleepy Italian village of Roccalumera near Messina on the island of Sicily and was the talk of the nation as it dominated TV and radio news programmes.

The saucy goings on were made even more interesting by father Carmelo's age - he is 70 years old - and is said to have been sleeping with both sister De Sousa and the other woman for several months.

At the court hearing Sister De Sousa also claimed to have had two abortions as a result of having unprotected sex with Father Carmelo and also showed several love letters from him.

She told the hearing: "I just flipped when I came to the house and caught him in bed with another woman who is married.

"We had been together four years and I had even had two abortions because of him."

Judge Antonino Giacobello freed sister De Sousa - who is accused of threats to kill and arson - on bail and adjourned the case until next month.