Compulsive Liar

[Guest]

there is no explanation for what he has done. These liars are good and nothing they say can be trusted. They have no problem with what they say and they say it enough that they believe it. It is a horrible situation but consider yourself lucky b/c you don't have kids yet. I have been with my husband for a long time and married for over 10 years. His lies become more spectacular every year. He apologizes, cries and I eventually let him back into my circle of trust. He has broken it every time!! I know he will never change. I have decided to stay b/c we have 3 kids and I don't want them to have to go to daycare and be carted back and forth. I can't say that I will always feel this way, but for now I am staying. It sucks b/c if I had known I would have never married him. But that's the thing about liars, they are good and they know what to say and what you want to hear and they are only to happy to accomodate you.
I'm sorry that you have gone through this, but chin up it will get better and don't lose hope. There are decent people out there. I live in the states so this kind of compulsive liar thing happening goes beyond geography. It's worldwide!!!

I have been reading with interest the posts above. I have just found out on Monday night that the man I have been practically living with and loving for the past 8/9 months has in fact been seeing another woman for 6 years (according to her). I feel like a fool as I believed everytime I was told I love you, you are my life, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want us to have three daughters. The counselor I have been speaking to has said that this man sound likes a pathological liar, which is how I came across this forum. I don't understand how someone can spend everynight at home with me and then go and see another woman during the day and also work as a British Transport Policeman? His ongoing statement of "honey, when would I have time to see someone else, I'd never want anyone else but you, you're my world" would ring true everytime I questioned him, especially with our romantic nights away, him usually always being home for dinner and how much effort he put into our relationship - learning how to communicate better, doing special things to show he loved me etc.. but the constant text messages that would come through and the way he would guard his phone always had me suspicious. He also claimed to be visiting his daughter some Sundays, God the arguements he created around that, when in fact according to his "girlfriend" he hasn't see his daughter in years! It seems like there have just been lies build upon lies built upon lies - yet it is hard not to believe him when he says that I have changed his life and I mean more than anything else in the world to him... Apparantly he would be lost without me *raising an eyebrow* I'm interested to hear from anyone that has any idea as to how to get over such a betrayal? I for one am not coping very well and am stunned that this other woman isn't sure if she still wants to be with him or not?? I have never felt so loved or so wanted by anyone in my life - how is it that I am so stupid that I could not see that this was all lies?? I actually believed him when he told so many times that he had "finally found THE one for him and that none of his past relationships can compare to what we have". The thing that stings the most is that I held him at arms length for the first 2 months as I had trust issues and he worked so hard to turn that around & get me to trust him. He worked it so well that I moved into a flat near his work at Paddington so it was a short 5 mins walk home for him & we created a lovely home, exactly what he wanted to be able to "come home and chill out with my baby and be in her arms... water our 'practice child' Fred the plant that he bought for our room". God I am an idiot. How do you get past something like this, how do you move on... how can you ever trust again. I talk to the guys here at work and nearly all of them cheat on their wives - are all British men this disloyal? The thing I'm struggling with now is that after having him in tears the other day at the thought of losing me he is now refusing to explain any of what he has done - am I wrong for wanting an explanation so desperately?

[Guest]

Living with a compulsive liar is extremely difficult. I choose to stay because I want my children to live in a household where I am free to spend time with them, help them with their schoolwork and to teach them other interesting things like music and art.

Living with a compulsive liar tampers with ones own sense of stability, and can lead one towards feelings of low self-worth and low self-esteem. At times it can lead to extreme emotional upsets.

I do not regret marrying my husband simply because I have two wonderful kids that I can not imagine life without. I love my husband too, and every part of our relationship is wonderful aside from the lying which at times when least convenient or expected can ruin everything for days weeks and even months at a time.

You may wonder how every part of our relationship is good after describing so much upheaval. I guess I have stayed with him because of our compatibility. We have the same taste in food, music, (we even perform together), art, TV, books and have a great sex life too. (When he is not lying) So why does he do it? I am sure that there is some pschological disorder mixed in with a sense of self-destructiveness. It is really difficult to live with a times and definitely not something I knew about before I married him.

My point to readers is this: If you are just in the dating phase and you have already discovered this trait in your boyfriend, think long and hard before you make any committments. If you are upset by it now, please try to understand how those feelings will be magnified after you become entangled in a marraige and start having kids and owning homes together. This is not the person you want to marry if you want to have a stress-free life or any sense of emotional security.

[kaye]

im 21 a female and a compulsive lyer, i just came on this site tonight as i couldnt sleep due to this. my relationship with my boyfriend is over (i think) because i have no control over the things i say, i say things to make me feel better as i am so down with my life, telling lyes makes me feel like im not such a sad case, but its a vicious circle, i know i do it, and i truely hate myself for it, im weak, and pathetic, and even have thoughts of ending my life coze it all seems worthless, thinking back to the things ive lyed about is horrendous, at 14 i told my worst one yet which will haunt me till my dying days.

everything is my fault, and only i can change me, but i dont know how to so people will just get fed up of me and i will always be a lonely person, at 21 i should be living my life to the max, instead i cry, lie, and have silly thoughts. its destroying my life. and i dont know how to stress that enough, totally destroying me, and ive felt this since an early age, i want people to like me, love me, but instead they think im a loser. i am.
i dont know wut to do no more, i gave up along time ago because its all too much, im a sad and pathetic person. all i want is to have someone to truely love me, it will never happen, ive cryed all night tonight, and almost jumped in front of a car on the A13 , i should have, i would be dead now, no more lyes, heartache, or tears.

this is real, too real.

because of my compulsive lying i want to commit suicide coze i dont see a way out, they get caught up and mess your head up, at the time you dont see your doing ne thing wrong, its afterwards that it hits you, wen you get found out, or just wen you think to your self your life is so boring, and S*** that u gotta lie to make ya self feel better. sad. very sad. a life not worth living. i feel like ive got a curse on me. why cant i be normal. i truely hate myself, im an ugly person inside and out, you will never know how evil i am, the tales i tell, will cause me an early death. i will take my own life one day, because no one really understands, im just a sad case who lies, or an evil person , go on laugh at me, il join in, i laugh at my self everyday.

[kevlap (us Florida)]

today i went searching the web to find some help with my problem.
i lie.
i lie and hurt people i love.
i do it because i am selfish and i self centered and don't think of the consequences when i am doing something that would not be approved of.

i came on the web to find help. a liars . club or something, i dont really know. and i came across this website and the point of view of all of
your posts really hit me hard.

i was in a relationship for 5 years and it was destroyed by my lying and cheating ways.
i am destroying another relationship of 4 years the same way and as of this point in time, my partner has moved 3000 miles away 6 months ago to start a new life.
he wants to move back here next month, but once again i lied to him a week ago and he has cut me off, wont pick up his phone, or call and says he hates me and that he no longer wants me in his life.

i am genuinely sorry i keep hurting him, but i don't want to be without him and i don't want to be with him still lying. it caused so many arguments, fistfights, etc.. because of my lies, he was cheating on me, abusing drugs and lying to me all the time too. we were killing our relationship.
all of this makes me sad and depressed.
i love him with all my heart and he is my soul mate. i am scared and i am ready for change, but i don't know how.
i have told lies my entire life, hiding my sexuality, my feelings, my friends, etc...
i came out to my family and friends because of him, i didn't want to make his life harder. he had always been out to people and hiding wasn't something he wanted to do. My life has actually been better because i chose to do this.
He is very angry, and i cannot blame him, i deceived him and hurt him. made him paranoid and made him question his sanity. we ended up really hurting each other bad. i don't know if i can piece this relationship back together again. He doesn't want contact with me, all i can do is try.

please feel free to express your thoughts on this post...
i am sorry for everyone that has gone or is going through this...

[kimsebox@aol.com]

kevlap,
My heartfelt advise to you is to get professional help. I just left a seven year relationship with a liar and he has caused me a lot of emotional hurt. More than I can even desribe. There is one thing I know for certain however, and that is that HE will never have a full and satisfying life. The reason is because if you are always "on guard" and you can't be "truthful", you'll never get to really experience true love, compassion and intimacy. Try to image your life without lies and how easy it would be. Maybe you lie to make yourself appear "better" whatever that is to you. But trust me, I'm sure the real you is something wonderful. You just need to have the trust in yourself and others will also. Don't waste your life, live it fully and honestly. One last thing, because you lie, I'm guessing you find it hard to trust other people as well?? Is that really how you want to live your life??

[Guest]

Some people on this forum have repeatedly posted that a compulsive liar can never change. That people living with them should get out now because there is no hope. If that is so, then why do we let prisoners get out of jail EVER? Is it just overcrowding?

People change. Sometimes they have to hit the bottom rung before they realize who they hurt with their destructive behavior. People they love and who love them.

It's a decision. Make it. Try it. Tell the truth once when you're sure it's going to hurt someone and see how fast they are able to deal with it on an honest level, because when a lie is found out, WHAT you lied about is not near as big an issue as the fact that you deceived someone you cared about. Mostly, that cared about you.

I've lived it.

[Guest]

By definition, a liar who can change and stop lying is not a compulsive liar.

[Guest]

Okay, in other words, one with an Obsessive Compulsive disorder cannot be helped? How about the behavioral therapy these people are treated with? (Check it out) Are you saying that one should just acknowledge that they are "sick" and so be it. Can't change that!

Lying is a decision. You have to think it through. It can be changed. Murdering is a decision. It can be changed. Thieves change. Hey, even freaking child molesters are let out of prison and given a chance again.

Sounds like you've made up your mind. Let the liar go and move on. With an unforgiving attitude like yours, you'll just attract another...and another... and another....

[Guest]

Okay, in other words, one with an Obsessive Compulsive disorder cannot be helped? How about the behavioral therapy these people are treated with? (Check it out) Are you saying that one should just acknowledge that they are "sick" and so be it. Can't change that!

Lying is a decision. You have to think it through. It can be changed. Murdering is a decision. It can be changed. Thieves change. Hey, even freaking child molesters are let out of prison and given a chance again.

Sounds like you've made up your mind. Let the liar go and move on. With an unforgiving attitude like yours, you'll just attract another...and another... and another....

Liar.

[Guest]

Liar.

moron

Your turn goob.

[Guest]

Liar.

moron

Your turn goob.

amına koydugumun evladı o gotunu sikerim senin anası saksocu babası kerhaneci

[Guest]

Liar.

moron

Your turn goob.

am?na koydugumun evlad? o gotunu sikerim senin anas? saksocu babas? kerhaneci

yeah, that's what I thought.

[Guest]

Okay, in other words, one with an Obsessive Compulsive disorder cannot be helped? How about the behavioral therapy these people are treated with? (Check it out) Are you saying that one should just acknowledge that they are "sick" and so be it. Can't change that!

Lying is a decision. You have to think it through. It can be changed. Murdering is a decision. It can be changed. Thieves change. Hey, even freaking child molesters are let out of prison and given a chance again.

That's reasonable.

[Guest]

Lying. Maybe the wrong thread, but doesn't it just crack you up when a man's mistress complains that he is lying to her and is so surprised!? The only way he can see her is to out and out lie to his wife, kids, job and family, but she thinks that the *only* person he doesn't lie to is her?

Sorry, just read a blog on another site and she (the slut) has just "had it up to HERE" with his lying to her, but she's going to give him ONE MORE CHANCE.

[Guest]

Liar.

moron

Your turn goob.

pousti...tsibouklou....kolopedo...