I'm 50, have had 3 kids vaginally, love sex, but still don't like more than ONE finger at a time inside of me! My husband is not huge but he is by no means small. Girls, you need to go to the doctor and have this taken care of. $300 is a small price to pay for the enjoyment and stress free life you and your husbands are missing. (I agree about the male/female doctor thing. When I was young, it was hard to find a female doctor and I always hesitated to go too. But now, there are a lot of ladies out there in the profession and SO much more sensitive to a woman's feelings... emotional and physical.)
According to this article though, vaginismus is a lot different than the thick hymen problem, and they say it CAN be conquered!
VAGINISMUS:
General vaginal tightness, burning or stinging with any vaginal penetration (by a penis, tampon, fingers or otherwise)
Great difficulty or an inability to allow penetration
Severe pain during attempted intercourse
Inability of difficulty inserting tampons
Emotional distress during intercourse or penetration
Background
Many women who have difficulty with first intercourse or vaginal penetration are often quick to suspect their hymen isn't “broken.” However, in some instances in which the woman is aroused, lubricated well, and has a patient and sensitive partner, but she still suffers great pain or discomfort with attempted penetration, that isn't the case at all.
The hymen -- a thin membrane partially covering the vaginal opening -- usually doesn't break or tear at all, as a matter of fact. For those women born with hymens (and not all of us are!), the hymen begins with small perforations already in it, which not only allow for menstrual flow, but for proper health of the vagina. Over time, that membrane slowly erodes to the sides of the vaginal opening, and that erosion or stretching is helped along by general physical activity,
masturbation, tampon use and aging. In some cases (about one in two thousand), the hymen does not erode, or does not have the necessary perforations, but it cannot be “broken” by forcing it via intercourse. A doctors visit and a minor surgical procedure are what are called for in that instance.
So, if the hymen isn't to blame, what is? It may be Vaginismus, an involuntary spasm of the muscles around the vagina that force it to close so that it causes penetration to be difficult, painful, or utterly impossible.
Known Accomplices
Vaginismus isn't a physical condition, per se, though it has physical symptoms. It is considered a psychological (and thus, psychosomatic, meaning the psychological condition causes the physical symptoms) syndrome that is likely based in one of the following:
past sexual trauma, such as r**** or sexual abuse
strong inhibitions (whether you recognize them or not) about sex arising from an upbringing in which sex was portrayed as dirty, sinful, taboo or bad,
a reaction to painful intercourse experiences had in the past
fears, phobias or neuroses about sex and/or sexual intercourse in general
or even because the person a woman is with isn't someone she wants to be with, either because she isn't attracted to them, is afraid of them, or because she may have a sexual orientation which brings about a negative reaction to a partner (for example, a homosexual woman -- whether she is aware of it or not -- with a male partner).
Vaginismus usually ONLY applies to intercourse or penetration. Women who suffer from this condition are not anorgasmic (unable to orgasm), nor are they unable to participate in and enjoy a myriad of other sexual activities. Most can orgasm freely and have plenty of sexual fulfillment so long as intercourse is not involved.
Advised Approach
A woman suffering most of the symptoms above should visit her gynecologist. Testing for Vaginismus is fairly simple: a gynecologist simply inserts a finger into the vagina and watches for a tight, involuntary muscle contraction.
Weapons
Treatment for Vaginismus is done by a sex therapy provider, who may do a number of different things. They may opt to use therapy that includes vaginal dilation exercises by using a series of plastic dilators, beginning with a small size, and working up to a larger one over a series of appointments. The therapist may include
masturbation therapy, in which the patient is slowly taught to
masturbate
If a woman suffering from Vaginismus has had previous sexual abuse experiences or other sexual traumas, she is usually encouraged to get counseling to supplement the physical therapy.
Most women diagnosed with Vaginismus are advised not to attempt intercourse or penetration until treatment has been completed.
Level of Danger
Vaginismus can be highly frustrating for a woman and her partner(s) if not diagnosed and treated, because she and her partner(s) will probably assume they are doing something wrong, or that there is something physically wrong with them. Trying to force intercourse when a woman is suffering from Vaginismus is not only physically painful, but because it is based in psychological and emotional factors, it may be very emotionally damaging. If a woman continues to attempt intercourse when this sort of pain continues, it can make the response worsen, and make treatment more difficult.
If intercourse attempts cease while treatment is pursued, there are no physical dangers whatsoever. And in about 98% of cases, just a few months of treatment can cure Vaginismus.
As a note, Vulvodynia, a severe and constant burning, pain or itching in the vulvar area is sometimes related to Vaginismus, or occurs as a secondary condition. Vulvodynia can make even sitting or walking difficult, and is reported to affect as many as 200,000 women in the United States alone.
Because vaginal tightness and painful penetration can also be symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases, it is important that when seeing your doctor for these symptoms, you let he or she know if you have been sexually active and/or have engaged in unprotected sexual activities in the past.
Protective measures
One cannot really prevent Vaginismus in oneself, as it is a result of past experiences, traumas or upbringing. However, it can be prevented in children and young adults simply by raising children in a setting with healthy, open and relaxed attitudes about sexuality, and without attaching taboo to basic sexuality. Protecting children and young adults from sexual assault or abuse is also highly important. If a woman has been a victim of sexual assault, preventing Vaginismus is one of many reasons to seek out support, counseling or therapy to heal from the assault psychologically, even if the abuse or assault was in the past.
http://www.scarleteen.com/pink/fbi_vaginismus.html
But it's true ...
ITS CALLED YOUR HYMEN! OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR 26 AND DON'T KNOW THAT. HAVE SEX BUT TAKE IT SLOWLY IT MIGHT HURT THE FIRST TIME HE FULLY ENTERS YOU AND YOU MAY BLEED BUT YOU WILL BE FINE AFTER THAT...BLOODY VIRGINS! I DON'T KNOW!!