Rant about strange relative - (long)

[Guest]

First of all, does anyone know if there is a site where you can go and vent your anger and frustration and get feed back??

Second, I need help understanding a strange relative.
She is someone who agrees with everything you say. She is a great listener and so many go to her for feedback and for someone to talk to.

The problem is she lies to start fights. It is hard for someone outside the family to see that she has started many rifts in our family. Perhaps because instead of telling people to move on, shut up or whatever, she agrees with everything you talk/bitch/laugh about.

If challenged she will tell people to move on and won't explain or apologize for her actions.

Examples: She told me things about other relatives that have upset me and made me angry at them, including telling me my brother was doing drugs. It turned out not to be true.

Family dinner we went to my eldest son's home, it was a great day and for some reason her boyfriend didn't come. She said it was because he hated us. So naturally I didn't think to much of him for that.
I went to her place to visit about a week later and her boyfriend said, with anger, how his poor girlfriend had to go over and do everything, including all the cooking and dishes. Given the meal was catered it didn't make sense. She stuttered and stammered and later told me her boyfriend was a liar. But ofcourse not to his face, because she did infact tell him that.

I just want to know if there is a name for this type of personality.
She lies to get attention and it causes everyone to get mad at everyone else thinking they are coming to her defense.

Oddly her mother was the same. She would talk of how she couldn't do anything about many problems in her life and everyone would get angry at all those who wronged her. ONly to learn that much of it was lies.

I was supposed to go to her place the other day for a dinner and movie she had been planning's. However because of a blizzard, asked her if she still wanted to get together. She siad no and that her sister had already called to cancel. But told me the next day was better.

I called her boyfriend to speak with him and he tells me she was furious no one had showed up and that she is pissed with everyone. I informed him to let her know how upset I am with her lying and that she wouldnt' lie to my face.

We met the next day outside her home and she gave a bunch of excuses, including that her boyfriend was nuts. I pulled her inside and told her to tell it to him and my other relatives as well. She just started screaming that I should move on and didn't repeat the lie she had just told me outside.

There is a point I believe when you have to say it isn't an event or events that have upset you about a person, but that it is WHO the person is.
If it is a friend or spouse, we seem to advice people to breakup with them or cut them out of our lives. But with family we're supposed to take this forever?

How can someone look you in the face and say those lies and then say something completely different behind your back. My Uncle and Aunt have stopped speaking to her all together for similar things, but I don't know if that's the route I should go.

The silent treatment is all I have. It is like you can't talk to her without her lying.

Anyway that's my rant. If you read it - congratulations and any feed back you have would be appreciated.

[Guest]

Sounds like a co-dependent personality. It can become learned behavior from generation to the next. They will lie and play victim or even hero, so everyone will like them.

Relative or not - keep your distances.

[Guest]

You don't have to cut someone off to stop being the victim. Many times those who feel victimized by someone in thier family, will notice they are being victimized by many others in family and friends.
Not to say it is your fault, but angry, fearful, people latch on those they can put down.

Liars are the worst because they look for people who will believe and sympatized with thier lies. The only thing you can do is keep in mind that if something isn't backed by fact, then don't assume it is true. Otherwise you will get caught up in thier drama.

[Guest]

Wow, she sounds like someone I know. She is an only child and in her 60's. Blames her mother, her husband, other members of her family. She is a victim of EVERYTHING even domestic things like getting broadband or buying a new phone. The whole world is out to get her and make her life difficult. Everything she does is stress ridden. When you look at her family, they all do try and help however they can, but she is never happy. She also makes silly stuff up during family gatherings so that one person thinks another person has said or done things. She always has to be the centre of attention and will create arguments or problems so that everyone will say poor you and make a fuss. It's very bizarre behaviour and the weird thing is that some of her family members have been around it so long that they don't even notice it. It's like Munchausen syndrome where people physically injure themselves to get sympathy but without the physical self harm. It's also damaging as some of her family are barely talking to each other as a result of her behaviour.

[willa]

Usually these shiit distrubers are always playing innocent while hating on others and making themselves seem like victims.

[zinnia]

Wow, she sounds like someone I know. She is an only child and in her 60's. Blames her mother, her husband, other members of her family. She is a victim of EVERYTHING even domestic things like getting broadband or buying a new phone. The whole world is out to get her and make her life difficult. Everything she does is stress ridden. When you look at her family, they all do try and help however they can, but she is never happy. She also makes silly stuff up during family gatherings so that one person thinks another person has said or done things. She always has to be the centre of attention and will create arguments or problems so that everyone will say poor you and make a fuss. It's very bizarre behaviour and the weird thing is that some of her family members have been around it so long that they don't even notice it. It's like Munchausen syndrome where people physically injure themselves to get sympathy but without the physical self harm. It's also damaging as some of her family are barely talking to each other as a result of her behaviour.

Omg sounds a bit like my mother, and ex-mother in law. Phhhuuii