Friend Betrayed Me

[Guest1953]

If a trusted friend of 28 years who has told you everything about her personal life and whom you have told about yours all of a sudden tells you she wishes she hadn't been so open about her personal life in the past and asks you if you've noticed that she hasn't been talking about it as much lately, how would you take that?? The fact is, I have noticed it. Everytime we have talked in the past few months its been very superficial and mostly about her 15 year old son. My children are grown and gone so -been there done that- but I would listen to all the soccer buzz anyway because we are friends. I am the only friend she has that gives her child gifts on his birthday and Christmas. Even his own Aunts don't do as much. Then to to add injury to insult tells me something her husband said about me (alluded that I couldn't be trusted ??) and then when she sees my reaction (anger) tells me she proably shouldn't have told me?? What do you think is going on here? Is there a problem with our friendship or is it more her problem with her huisband? Expecially in the light I live in different state and don't have much communication with people from our old hometown anymore. NOTE * The jerk she's married to tapes her phone calls, is a prescription drug seeking disability con artist who still works on the side and who would love it if she didn't talk to anyone. Has he worked on her for the past sixteen years he's been married to her to the point she brainwashed or is it more sinister like she tells him everything we talk about??

[Guest]

Sorry that you're being treated this way.I'm willing to bet that you are not the problem at all. Sounds like hubby and she have the problem. Maybe she thinks she has told you too many things about him that could get them in trouble with the government. I'd shake it off and not worry too much. Let her get back to you-I don't feel like you did anything wrong.Her husband sounds like a LOSER!!!

[Guest1953]

I couldn't have said it better. I have definately decided to give her the kind of friendship she desires...an impersonal one!

[Guest]

OP, if she's been your friend that long why don't you try to just ask her if she thinks you've repeated something you shouldn't have.

It could just be a misunderstanding and an honest discussion could clear it up. You don't sound like you like her husband and you may have very good cause not to like him. I would suggest that you take her husband out of the equation and simply talk to your friend.

If her friendship matters to you then maybe it's worth the effort to try to clear the air. Or maybe the friendship just requires a period of backing off and maintaining it on a more casual level as someone earlier suggested. It doesn't have to spell the end of your relationship - just a realization that most relationships go through different phases.

Good luck.

[guest 1953]

Thanks for that sound advise. I do believe it's time to backoff for a while and regroup. If she ever needed me for anything I'd be there for her, because we have been friends for a very long time. No, I don't care for her husband that much but my problem is more with her and her judgmental attitude. I recall that every misunderstanding she has had with friends through the years, she has never said I'm sorry or admitted that she had any part in creating the problem. She always blames the other person and spends more time convincing herself and others of that than she does trying to patch up problems. I don't know if the relationship has changed or if I have but I have tired of always being the one to patch things up. I definately can sleep at night.