want a baby

[Jessy_Riot]

well, i want a baby. i'm 16, my boyfriend is 18 on the 16th of august. we've talked about this before, and i decided i wasn't ready, so he said he'd wait. the thing is, he really wanted a baby, and i told him i didn't... at least not yet. but now i thought it over, and changed my mind. my best friend just fell pregnant. i'm on birth control, and i'm pretty sure i'm going to stop after my next period. i've talked about this with my mum before, and she said she wouldn't want me getting pregnant anytime soon... and i'm sure his parents wouldn't be happy about it either. but we both want it so badly.

any advice on how to deal with irate parents, and judgements from others?

thanks,

Jessy <3

[Guest2005]

Why the rush to have a baby? Don't you want to see the world? Don't you want to get a qualification or have a career? How about saving up to buy your own house for your boyfriend and you to settle down in and then think about the babies? Waiting a few years will make you and your boyfriend's relationship concrete, maybe you'll even get married and buy a house, save up some money. Otherwise, if you and your boyfriend are struggling to support yourselves with a baby, it'll put a big strain on the relationship.

At 16 you will have to give up a lot of your youth if you get pregnant now. Put yourself in your mum's shoes: if you had a child aged 16 and she told you she was going to get pregnant what would you tell her? Be honest.

[Jessy_Riot]

i'm not in a rush to have a baby... i just feel in my heart that it's the right thing to do right now. i am going to see the world, as my boyfriend is joining the army, and we're going to live on base with him. as for a career and a house, those things have to wait until he's finished in the military anyway. our relationship is as concrete as it ever will be, and we both know we want to do this... and that everything will work itself out. we also know that it is going to change our relationship, undoubtedly, but are willing because we know it will also grow stronger. if my 16 year old daughter told me she wanted a baby, i'd say the same thing my mom said to me. "it's not the smartest thing to do right now, things will be difficult, i'll be disappointed for you, not in you, and i will be 100% supportive of you."

Jessy <3

[The-Prophet]

you want to have a baby in a militry camp? your mad!

[Jessy_Riot]

no no, not a military camp prophet. army bases here are just like a neighborhood. there is a department store called px, and a grocery store, bowling alleys, playgrounds, restaurants, and houses... it's not a camp at all. plus, you don't even necessarily have to live within the base, you can rent an apartment or house nearby if you'd wish... but baselife just seems much more plausible.

Jessy <3

[irish21]

i also thought about that when im at your age... rushing things and not thinking what will happen next.. i also aske advice to some friends and they told i should not think of that cause im too young.. but i never listened to them.. i still wanted to have a baby that time.. im being so hard headed.. i talk to my boyfriend about it . as my suprise he aked me this question.. am i ready? emotionally and financially? can i face the consequence? can i make if im alone? by that question i think hard and realize that hes right.. there would be the right time to have a baby. i dont need to rush things..i need to have job so that i can feed him, and a house to stay.. now, i realize that having a baby is not that easy.. you need to sacrifice a lot.. your time, your money, your attention.. everything...

if you already have that things would be much easier than to depend on ypur parents..

[Jessy_Riot]

i've got 2 jobs right now, and he is getting a job in the near future, regardless of whether or not we have a baby. like i said, i'm not just rushing into this... we have everything planned out. i'm not looking for someone to talk me out of this, i'm looking for experiences, and advice from people who went through this, or want to...

thanks,

Jessy <3

[Ineedadvice]

i know exactly how you feel i am 16 and i have wanted a baby for the last couple of months

[Jessy_Riot]

I don't think you do know what I'm feeling. It's not something I've been 'wanting for the past couple of months', it's something I've wanted (and didn't want to wait for) since I was little. I used to stuff pillows up my shirt when I was young -weird, I know- and this isn't just a phase I'm going through. Right now, I just feel more ready than I ever have, and like this is the right time. I know I'm young, I don't think I'm too young, however. I don't believe in too young by age. I think if a woman is ready (mentally, physically, and financially) she is not too young. But, that is just my humble opinion.

Jessy <3

[Obvious]

Reading the above post reminded me of something my mother said - her aims in life were to get married & have children. She has achieved those aims.
She married at 20, spent the next few years having children (there are four of us), then spent the next 20 years bringing us up.

She has always been perfectly happy about doing this, after all it's what she always wanted. Whenever people questioned her reasons for this or even jugement, she would always reply with 'that's what I wanted to do - so I'm happy doing it'.

It is, after all, her life.

[BadHairDays]

Why the rush to have a baby? Don't you want to see the world? Don't you want to get a qualification or have a career? How about saving up to buy your own house for your boyfriend and you to settle down in and then think about the babies? Waiting a few years will make you and your boyfriend's relationship concrete, maybe you'll even get married and buy a house, save up some money. Otherwise, if you and your boyfriend are struggling to support yourselves with a baby, it'll put a big strain on the relationship.

At 16 you will have to give up a lot of your youth if you get pregnant now. Put yourself in your mum's shoes: if you had a child aged 16 and she told you she was going to get pregnant what would you tell her? Be honest.

i had my baby at 17
it is the best thing in the world being a mum, and just because you are young everyone thinks you wont be able to cope and may even think differently of you.
i can still see the world, i had a career throughout my pregnancy, went back after i had my baby, when she was 5mths old (although given it up now to be with my daughter full time, until shes a bit older) and i dont ever regret a thing.
you do not have to give up your youth, i am still able to go out once in a while, and my boyfriend and i are as close as ever.

dont let other people put you off, no one can tell you when its your right time to have a child, you just have to follow your heart, and if things were not as you expected, then you only have yourself to blame, as everyone tried to give advice.

[zelda]

Hi there,

No one can stop you from having a baby if you really want it. But think about why complete strangers on the internet would tell you not to just yet!

You really have to think about all the ways this could go wrong. Only then will you be truely prepared to have a child, as babies don't stay babies for very long.

Particularly think of how your life would be if you had a kid with behavourial problems or special needs, such as autism. It puts a lot of pressure on you and your relationship:
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Also think about what you would do if your partner left you or died? How would you cope? Who would you live with and how would you earn money for you and your child?

Is your partner supportive? For example, would he be prepared to stay at home and take care of the child if you decided you wanted a career?

Also think about how it will be to be alone with the baby for long periods if your partner is stationed overseas. You have to ensure that you have a lot of outside support.

Also think about what your child might want out of life. It might want to grow up and become a doctor! Would you and your partner be able to get enough money together to put it through years and years of university?

Once you have a plan for all sorts of occurances, only then can you be sure. It might be comforting to think 'it will all work out' but you have to be realistic!

Good luck!

[a honest friend]

i would personaly ignore the above reply, needless of wheather you have a baby now or in ten years if you gave up work and depended on your boyfriend and something happened either he left or whatever you would be in the situation as if you had one now. if you feel ready then your ready do not listen to others if they are truly your friends they will support you no matter what, as for the person above saying there could be somthing wrong with your child what are pesamistic way to think if we all thought like that we wouldnt leave the house for fear of being mugged or run over never mind have chiuldren, there are risks with everything as long as you look after yourself do what you feel is right for you not what others would do in your situation i wish you all the look in the world and happy parenting!!!!

[Guest]

needless of wheather you have a baby now or in ten years if you gave up work and depended on your boyfriend and something happened either he left or whatever you would be in the situation as if you had one now

This is just not true. In ten years you could have more life experience, work experience, qualifications and savings which would put you and your child in a better position if your boyfriend decided to leave you. I *know* it does not look like that would ever happen but you have to consider it as a _responsible_ parent.

if you feel ready then your ready do not listen to others if they are truly your friends they will support you no matter what

There is support and then there is support. Don't rely on other people (friends, family etc) being there to pick up the pieces if things go wrong, they are not obliged to and it would be irresponsible on your part to assume that they will be. They will have their own problems and lives (and possibly children) to deal with. Only you and your boyfriend are responsible for your child.

what are pesamistic way to think if we all thought like that we wouldnt leave the house for fear of being mugged or run over never mind have > chiuldren, there are risks with everything as long as you look after
yourself do what you feel is right for you

To that I would add 'as long as you look after yourself and do what you feel is right for you... AND your child'. There are things you can do to mitigate risk. If your child is disabled there is every chance it can lead a full and happy life... but only if you have considered that it COULD happen and PLAN for that eventuality. Thoughtful planning for the future is THE best thing you can do for your child.